Brenna's Open Journal - An exploration

Zenchi wrote: What it was about, was that your apprentice was desperately attempting to make me look like a liar. People will believe what they will, and naturally jump to conclusions...

Then what are you worried about?

Who cares how another percieves us?

Be your best...

Whatever that may be...

Alexandre wrote: Some may feel it callous and unfeeling of me when I say that this or that person has to 'go through what s/he has to go through'. Well, sorry, but that is true. If you don't believe me, I'll just send you right back to the 'heroic cycle' as illustrated in Campbell and ask for a nice comprehensive yet concise report on the 'belly of the whale' allegory. It does not mean that I don't care about that person (in fact, I care very much if I'm paying attention to it happening at all), but 'caring' and 'interfering with' are entirely distinct events. In fact, should I interfere with something that one has to learn by plunging into those murky waters (water symbolises ... ?), then in that case one could say that I 'care' about the illusion of harmony more than people. Those of you who know me well know also that is not the case. An honest row is better than a hypocritical hug ...

Tough love...

It is a tough lesson...

Wait till you (whoever) have children, who make bad decisions....

You cannot protect your children from everything...

I let my children make many of their decisions growing up, to realize the consequences of their actions...

Sometimes, they got hurt... But, they learned, and the hurt was a minor one, I assure you, I am not THAT bad... lol...

CHoosing one friend over another, to spend money on one expensive video game instead of two lessor priced, spending all their money on candy in THIS store instead of waiting to see what the next store may offer (or better yet, saving it, HUUUUUH!?!?! The horror!!)

And, although our apprentices, and friends, make decisions we dont agree with, we support their right (to screw up?) to make decisions for themselves, and accept them loving back, without judgement I might add, when (if) they return...

Brenna wrote: I think not. Im at the point where I would prefer to just make peoples lives miserable. It just seems like it would be so much easier and far more satisfying to strike out and hurt them, than continue to resolve or let things go.

Hello Brenna,

What would hurting other's accomplish? I used to think that my own unhappiness justified making other people unhappy, but I realize now more than ever that I am responsible for my own happiness. I isolated myself in an effort to shield myself from disappointment and rejection. In the end I made my own mental prison and not able to let other people in causing me to feel even more isolated and worthless. With a help of a friend, I am learning to undo this mistake. I hope you feel better soon.

May the Force be with you.

Michael

cyranodb wrote:

Brenna wrote: I think not. Im at the point where I would prefer to just make peoples lives miserable. It just seems like it would be so much easier and far more satisfying to strike out and hurt them, than continue to resolve or let things go.

Hello Brenna,

What would hurting other's accomplish? I used to think that my own unhappiness justified making other people unhappy, but I realize now more than ever that I am responsible for my own happiness. I isolated myself in an effort to shield myself from disappointment and rejection. In the end I made my own mental prison and not able to let other people in causing me to feel even more isolated and worthless. With a help of a friend, I am learning to undo this mistake. I hope you feel better soon.

May the Force be with you.

Michael

Hello Michael,

Thank you for your words. In short it accomplishes nothing but the validation of an egos pain. My belief system for most of my life has been that those who do wrong get punished. But it doesnt always work like that. The things that people do to hurt us are seldom of a nature that would warrant punishment from the outside, and so in order to feel validated in my hurt, I often set about doling out the punishment myself. And even if the "transgression" is minor, it unfortunately often becomes a case of "attack first because they are going to hurt you anyway".

Not a pretty sight as Im sure you can see.

Understanding ones beliefs and knee jerk reactions is one thing, letting go of them is quite another. Especially those which are interwoven with a need to protect ourselves.

Ultimately it becomes the question of "Do I want to prove Im right? Or do I want to let it go and be happy?"

Being right tends to win the day more often than happy. Seems in this regard, I am a slow learner.

But thank you