Thanks guys, this has turned into a rather interesting thread.
Thank you Jon for your comments. “Projected pain and fear’ would be correct Connor, and spot on, I am trying to prove something to both myself, and a general audience.
After the recent discussions about Dark vs Light in the Temple I wanted to explore a few things.
Firstly a reminder that this is an anonymous internet forum. You can say anything about yourself and your beliefs here, but that doesn’t mean they are always a reflection of who you actually are. An experiment hampered a little by the fact that I am relatively well know. Had I made a new account and said these things, no one would have been the wiser and treated me either as a belligerent ass (thank you Khaos), or, as some did via PM, a newly minted member of the "darkside club" (you know who you are). A reminder to take whatever you are told by anyone, whether “light” or “dark” with a pinch of salt and common sense for you do not know who they really are. Ie think for yourself.
Secondly, everything I said is real. Or at least, was at one time true. Everything I said in the original post and subsequent posts are things I have thought, said or done in the past. This thread is more exorcism than exploration because I know my “personal” dark side entirely too well, and bringing them up long enough to project the feelings I had at the time was an interesting experience. Things in the past are better left there. Pain in itself may not be darkness, but it is certainly something we find a lot of when we lived wrapped up in as I did for many years and I did a number of things that don’t bear repeating, before I swung too far out over to the other side of the spectrum.
After years of feeling guilty over some of my actions and thoughts during my time of predominately choosing a negative focus, I’ve come to understand that overcompensating by being overly positive isn’t a solution either because it ignores the reality that I am both.
My purpose in unearthing these things was to explore and illustrate a point made in various other threads recently. We are not light or dark. We are always both. Regardless of the affiliation you suspect of a person based on their general leanings. Every action we take is the result of choosing which side of us takes precedence at that time. Ie, which side of the coin you’re seeing today, but I am still a whole coin. As capable of the actions of light or dark as any other person.
But more importantly, that neither is the subjective good or bad that we see in the myth. Smiling and being polite is no more “light” than swearing and being moody and unpleasant is “dark”. The affecting of what we think are the characteristics of either, is little more than role play.
As many have tried to explain with the apparent “cop out” of “They Just Are” they take on only the significance that I/we give them. My actions may be light or dark as judged by any moral system, and sometimes the same action will be both. But while I am still trying to define them as one or the other according to any external system of belief, I will be trapped by them.
What matters is that I remember, each aspect of me has its merits, each side IS a part of me to be embraced and understood, and each side is addictive for its own reasons. Time spent too long without balance or understanding creates a habitual dependence on that aspect.
I cannot base my identity of self on either one as neither is complete, and neither is who I am.
It has been very interesting to see how people react to me when I am in apparent emotional pain. Most enlightening thank you. That and the fact that we love to watch the drama of the dark with its apparently titillating cool factor.
Also, my apologies for my extraordinary rudeness and belligerence.
Walking, stumbling on these shadowfeet
Part of the seduction of most religions is the idea that if you just say the right things and believe really hard, your salvation will be at hand.
With Jediism. No one is coming to save you. You have to get off your ass and do it yourself - Me
