FORGIVENESS

LOL Mareeka, but yes and perhaps two parts to this;
1. the pain felt by the causative event
2. remembering the pain that was felt

The first one, I think can be dealt with over time by recontextualizing the circumstance of the pain's existence in the memory. I think it can speed up healing of its mental scar. I don't mean to be promoting brainwashing oneself, but often we do not have the full and/or accurate picture of the real circumstances to begin with so perhaps I am. Maybe even that is the best definition of a 'white lie' - between you and yourself for self healing.

I stumbled upon this when I got hurt and later found out the circumstances were wildly different from what was being presented. The emotion was replaced immediately with the correct emotion..... if I let it, as the tendency was to remember the pain caused by the event even though this now was proven unfounded and without its source of pain.

From there my opinion is that forgiveness is unrelated to the pain one feels, and its just something you do or do not do depending on you and the circumstances. How you handle juggling forgiveness and pain is another story.

Note; generic use of the word 'you' :blink:

Which is why forgiveness is so hard.

I suggest asking anyone who's been affected by a death in their family by way of violence, often you will hear them say they forgave the individual or individuals responsible, not because they believe they should, or because it was the ethical thing to do but simply because it was the only way to get on with their lives. Forgiving someone releases the power they may have held over you. ( My apologies for thanking your last post Brenna,I thought it was the reply button.)

Re: broken plates

when i identified as broken my life experience felt pieced and broken

once i said to mentor . . i want to get my center back
she laughed
honey you can never go back to where you were before
a new center, though, can come into being . . .

Re: broken plates

when i identified as broken my life experience felt pieced and broken

once i said to mentor . . i want to get my center back
she laughed
honey you can never go back to where you were before
a new center, though, can come into being . . .

Mareeka wrote: once i said to mentor . . i want to get my center back
she laughed
honey you can never go back to where you were before
a new center, though, can come into being . . .

"Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending"
- Carl Bard

Mareeka wrote: Re: broken plates

when i identified as broken my life experience felt pieced and broken

once i said to mentor . . i want to get my center back
she laughed
honey you can never go back to where you were before
a new center, though, can come into being . . .

Using that pic was a gamble because I dont see it as being broken. What I do see though, is that after an experience, it is impossible to be as you were before. I think the comment made earlier about mourning is really valid. There is a mourning for the death of who we were. and nothing brings that person back. Not sorrys, not forgiveness, not even acceptance.

Relating back to the original question, when reviewing "forgiveness" I find myself questioning why the person did this, the hurt then turns to pity for someone that goes through life hurting others, in that pity you'll find your compassion.

"All you need is love"

Leandros Von wrote: Relating back to the original question, when reviewing "forgiveness" I find myself questioning why the person did this, the hurt then turns to pity for someone that goes through life hurting others, in that pity you'll find your compassion.

The potential problem with pity is that it veers dangerously close to giving a feeling of superiority. I agree with you, in principle, but I think personally I maybe try more to find 'understanding' than pity. We all have our faults...when we remember that we are not perfect either it is perhaps easier to truly understand and accept the negative behaviour of another, and feel compassion towards them in our shared, imperfect human state...

But, it's probably just semantics :laugh:

V-Tog wrote: But, it's probably just semantics

I believe so, forgive me my inability to articulate the point properly, perhaps "pity" was a harsh word, Ireally need to think about what I type more lol

*I'm Scottish, I was raised on sheep's innards and potatoes :silly:

It is ultimately what i meant, I didn't mean I feel superior to them, just that it pains me more to see them not seeing the bigger picture.

After all in hurting others the only person we really hurt is ourself.