FORGIVENESS

I have a hard time with this. A hurt from the past is still a hurt. The pain will lesson over time but it doesn't go away until you forget. I can't say that's OK when it not. I can let it go, dissassociate and let them go their own path. They are what ther are and I can't change that but is that forgivness. Can you forgive and still live with the hurt? It takes time to heal.

So how do you forgive a wrong?

I believe that forgiveness is when the feelings of revenge and resentment are no longer there. Hurt can remain while forgiveness is given, but feelings of the need to get back at a person or feeling hatred for them are how I know I haven't forgiven, personally. I imagine the answer will be different for everyone, though...

I also believe that "forgive and forget" is misunderstood. How can one forget if something painful happened? "Forget", in this sense, isn't literally to forget, but to leave the past in the past and not bring it up again. If you are in the process of forgiving someone but are constantly bringing up the wrong-doing, you won't be able to get over it and will be constantly re-living it. When those thoughts arise, one should be careful as to not let them consume. Let the pain happen for a time, and then tell yourself that there is nothing than can be done to change it and try to control the thoughts.

With forgiveness, I think there is a period of "mourning" that people should allow themselves to go through. If it hurts, let it hurt for a while, and then when you've grown tired of it, get up and move on. That doesn't meant the hurt will stop, but know with time.. it will lessen.

*Edit

I'm sorry if you're hurting...

To err is human, forgiveness is divine....as the saying goes...

Forgiving a wrong is easy, if you choose to make it so....if you choose to hold on to the hurt it becomes much more difficult ...

I use a very simple method to let it wash away...I attach all the hurt to a simple but powerful mantra and exhale as I say the mantra...as I do this I visualize all the hurt leaving with the sound of the word and breath....

My mantra:

Forgiveness for me is not about forgiving a person or a thing as much as it is about changing my mind about what I see. Keeping someone on the hook . . . kills me. . .

I think for me to forgive a wrong from the past, I first had to understand that the only person I was hurting by holding on to the anger and pain was me.
It was more about not destroying my life now and to do this I had to take back the power I was giving to this memory and view it as it is, the past.
I forgave them for me, to allow myself to heal. It makes the pain less and allowed me to also forgive myself, doesn't go and it's still hard but I can view it as a life lesson, not a pleasant one but not all lessons are.
I hope that helps and I'm sorry your in pain..

Reliah wrote: I'm sorry if you're hurting...

You too kind, thanks.

I'm not hurting much at all but some events from the past pop up every now and then and I still don't feel good about those people. I feel I should "forgive" but can't yet. Most of the time these feelings just fade away and I forget, some still linger.

The best I can do is when I pray I ask god to bless them with what they need the most at his (sorry I still call him a him :laugh: ) discretion.

Forgiveness is only for those who want to forgive. You don't have to forgive anyone you don't want to. If your hurt still leaves a bitter taste in your mouth, saying you forgive is just a futile exercise.

The Old Doris wrote: Forgiveness is only for those who want to forgive. You don't have to forgive anyone you don't want to. If your hurt still leaves a bitter taste in your mouth, saying you forgive is just a futile exercise.

Agreed but I'm working on it.

The Old Doris wrote: Forgiveness is only for those who want to forgive. You don't have to forgive anyone you don't want to. If your hurt still leaves a bitter taste in your mouth, saying you forgive is just a futile exercise.

…you forgive but don`t forget...

RyuJin wrote:
My mantra:

Warning: Spoiler!

fahkit

I'm definitely borrowing this one. Brilliant.