the difference between introverts and extroverts

Karn wrote: I tend to see Introvert and Extrovert as merely how we recharge ourselves. Our Chi/energy/spirit.

Introverts need alone time to recharge, and find a lot of people/social situations draining, sometimes to the point of anxiety.

Extroverts need people/social situations to charge themselves and find alone time to be draining, sometimes to the point of depression.

When people are stressed out, I find they sometimes just don't how to recharge, so I ask if they're introverted or extroverted. If they don't know, I ask these questions along the same definitions. They are...rather over simplified but it gets to the heart of it quickly and neatly.

This is why labels are important. I am an introvert. I cannot survive long-standing social interactions. I specifically plan my Leave when I travel to have time to recharge before going back to work. I had especially taken a few extra days off even after the CA Jedi Gathering because I knew I would exhaust my social tank well before the end of the trip, no matter how much I enjoyed it.

Now people aren't just 1s and 0s, so to add to that, I've actually seen myself classified in other articles as an "Outgoing Introvert". I do enjoy social interactions and I do need them, but again, they're draining. And that's the key factor. We're all these introverted or extroverted people, but in degrees.

I spent far too long trying to be an Extrovert because that's what I was told I should be. I tried, and I failed, and I was so worn out and upset that I retreated into books and writing for years. My mother also had me diagnosed with depression around this time (she said it was because I spent too much time reading and not interacting...)

I happen to be someone who strongly relies upon these labels and agrees with articles such as this one. Even if this article itself wasn't written by someone with a degree in sociology/psychology/mental health/behaviorism/what-have-you, my own personal research on the introversion/extroversion thing for school and my own personal use tells me it is quite accurate.

As others have said, most people are a gentle blend of introvert and extrovert. Some may lean a little more strongly one way or the other. I, personally, lean extremely strongly to the introvert side. So strongly that if you had me take one of those MBTI tests today, it would range between 80-90% introverted. What little extroversion I have is enough to get me through an average work day "seeming normal".

And that part right there, the "seeing normal", is why these labels and these articles are so important. Because there are people out there who say being introverted isn't normal. Or, here's one for you.... some find that upon revealing to the world they are introverted that their closest family members want to treat it the way some families treat being gay: it's a choice, go to [conversion] therapy, and "if you just weren't so shy, you would be fine." Speaking from personal experience here...

Somewhere along the line, being an introvert became synonymous with being antisocial, shy, and less successful than the extroverts. This, for the most part, is rarely truly the case. This is also where the labels can be, but aren't necessarily, deteimental. But the truth is that being introverted isn't at all synonymous with those things; you can be extroverted and be extremely shy or introverted and extremely successful.

Everyone interacts with the world in their own unique ways. Just please don't knock the labels that some find absolutely necessary in trying to explain that to those around them, or the articles that put those differences into perspective.

Understanding it better has also given me the information and courage that I need to explain to my friends and family: "I'm sorry, I can't do this thing with you because I haven't had enough introvert-time lately and I'm feeling really stressed out about it.

I struggle with large social events, especially ones with drinking and dancing because I enjoy neither particularly and because after a while people grate on me... Jeriko and I went to our friends' wedding; when I went to tell my friend we were going home, before I could even start my explanation she said she understood and would see me soon... knew I had a good friend that day. In my group of friends, they all know not to expect me to go clubbing or stay out a long time... they get it, and I'm grateful for that.

I think that introverts get a bit of the short end of the stick. Employers always seem to be looking for extroverts, and if you're an introvert you can get comments about being too quiet, and not going out enough, or not drinking enough, or 'not being fun enough' (urg). Extroverts don't understand that after a certain period of time their presence wears me down and I just don't get enjoyment out of spending long amounts time with groups of people, especially people I don't know well... they become like a vacuum, sucking all my energy away.

Being an introvert often feels a bit like being the black sheep...

V-Tog wrote: but most people who strongly identify as introverts need to spend a significant amount of time alone and most people who strongly identify as extroverts need to spend a significant amount of time in the company of others.

Am I right in thinking you house share? How do you find that with regards to spending time with others?

I have a lodger and Jeriko but I don't sit in the same room as them in the evening so I get my recharge... have to have space even from my husband for a while!

Edan wrote:

V-Tog wrote: but most people who strongly identify as introverts need to spend a significant amount of time alone and most people who strongly identify as extroverts need to spend a significant amount of time in the company of others.

Am I right in thinking you house share? How do you find that with regards to spending time with others?

I have a lodger and Jeriko but I don't sit in the same room as them in the evening so I get my recharge... have to have space even from my husband for a while!

That's me with staying with my parents. After school or work, I just want to have my own personal time. They call it 'hibernating in the dungeon' though... very irksome.

Edan wrote: Extroverts don't understand that after a certain period of time their presence wears me down and I just don't get enjoyment out of spending long amounts time with groups of people, especially people I don't know well... they become like a vacuum, sucking all my energy away.

Being an introvert often feels a bit like being the black sheep...

It often feels to me as though a lot of non-introverts think that we're just kind of bored or indifferent, when in fact staying in those sorts of situations after you've hit your limit can make you feel kind of...well, ill, almost. When it happens, declining an invitation or making an early exit is usually more of a necessity than a choice...

Edan wrote:

V-Tog wrote: but most people who strongly identify as introverts need to spend a significant amount of time alone and most people who strongly identify as extroverts need to spend a significant amount of time in the company of others.

Am I right in thinking you house share? How do you find that with regards to spending time with others?

I have a lodger and Jeriko but I don't sit in the same room as them in the evening so I get my recharge... have to have space even from my husband for a while!

I'd been living in a houseshare with 3 other girls (not previously known to me) for a year and 8 months - I've actually just moved out back into a flat on my own, because that proved to be my limit! Initially it was okay because it was sort of accepted that being in your room with the door properly closed meant 'do not disturb' so I could always retreat there for as long as necessary. But ironically one of the big problems that developed was that I became close with a couple of the girls and they would start wandering into my room and then sort of loitering for hours, and, much as I enjoyed their friendship, the constant invasion of my personal space was a problem :laugh: I had explained to them about the whole introvert thing but they didn't really seem to get it in the same way that my closest friends do...

There were other things that became problems...loud music, and a constant stream of random strangers in the house...

So, I've just moved...

But, it actually wasn't as bad as I was expecting. I stayed a lot longer than I initially intended, and it taught me a lot about how to take care of myself as an introvert - in fact, when I said in an earlier post that I've done a lot of reading up on introversion over the last couple of years, that was why really...

One of the other notable things about it was that it got to a point where I never wanted to go out to meet up with my friends, because I'd already be mentally drained from constantly being in the presence of my housemates - but now, back on my own, I'm actively wanting to go out and hang out with people because I'm getting more than enough alone-time. I think, for me, that's what's important - I value my friends very highly and I want to be able to spend a lot of time with them - and that's one of the things that I've very deliberately prioritized in moving out!

It's great that Jeriko is on the same page (not that I'm at all surprised, having met him )...I'm just aware that it's something that becomes a big bone of contention in some relationships. I often wonder about it myself because I'm aware that when I'm kind of, erm...crushing on someone, or in love with them, the introvert thing goes out of the window with them :laugh: I could spend every minute of the day with that person and I'd be fine :laugh: But I imagine (being not able to really properly speak about this from experience) that once you've been with them a while and all that hormonal/chemical brain stuff settles down (that's a technical term, obviously), normal introvertosity is presumably resumed... :dry:

I dunno - is it just me who experiences that suspension of introversion with people I'm attracted to or is that a common experience among you guys too?

As a fellow introvert, I'm rather grateful for this discussion here. Can you imagine the cognitive effort it took me to make the travel I did from the states to the UK, and then participate in the gathering and hopefully not come off as a boring, indifferent, uninterested guest? It's very strange because not only was I drained, but overwhelmed with an excitement that I actually feel was clogged up inside of me because of my wariness from it all. It made it all seem like a dream that may not have actually happened. Lol But I DID notice that even while I was too tired to properly be able to participate in some discussions (admit I was very quiet for a lot of it), I honestly could have hung out with you guys indefinitely and I would have been perfectly happy.

This is where I first came across Susan Cain, and thought it might add to the thread :
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c0KYU2j0TM4

A former lawyer she may be but I think she talks a lot of sense :laugh: I also strongly recommend her book: Quiet.

Getting away from labels and stereotypes, the interesting thing for those who exhibit extroversion or introversion tendencies at different times (or either, as a matter of course) is that they complement each other and suit the different circumstances that we all encounter.

Accepting who we are and acting accordingly can bring temporary peace, but the fear of being alone (in the case of the extrovert) or the fear of being overwhelmed by ‘other’ (in the case of the introvert) has only been quelled, not extinguished, through avoidance of disturbing situations.

As Jedi - do we have the capacity to spend the day alone at home without going stir-crazy? I think so. Do we have the capacity to feel comfortable at a busy party where we don't know anybody? I think so.

It comes down to a delicate balance between loss of self-consciousness, and expansion of consciousness itself. At first glance this seems contradictory but it doesn't have to be. Loss of self-consciousness is not the loss of self, or the loss of consciousness, it is loss of consciousness-of-the-self. Expansion of consciousness is not expansion of the self, but it should lead to a more differentiated and more integrated self. Increased differentiation and integration does not lead to a greater self, or sense of self.

Nobody ever said it was going to be easy but the habits we have, be they introverted or extroverted, can give us valuable guidance as to where we might move to find freedom from our habits.

Good article, good thread, all of those illustrations resonate with me.

It's interesting to consider whether some people are just programmed a certain way, but I think like many other things it may have more to do with influences from childhood. For example, my parents never married and I would only visit my dad every once in awhile. My mother had to work 2-3 jobs and was not home most of the time so since early on in a way I was in my own world. So I played video games most of the time and my first friends in school were based on video games, which grew into skateboarding, then I guess you could say grew into being the teenage rebel and hanging out with other clowns. I was so used to just being able to do what I wanted, how I wanted, and being able to think about anything that even school became very uninteresting for me and just a stressor.

I know other people who, living and being with both parents whom may be more financially stable and professional, were given expectations and rules by their parents. They aspired to be the best student, the most popular or beautiful, the jock, so in a sense their parents may have programmed them to be more extroverted. I'm sure it could go the opposite way if one truly just is not about all that stuff, and that all the pressure from expectations brings about a lot of the mental issues we see today that are then just medicated by drugs. But those kids who had the 'good' families, money, were all able to live up and pursue the popularity, go to all the parties, be the cool ones that people followed and wanted to be.

The other thing is that the move from the more traditional, conservative values and lifestyles of the past, into more modern and corporate contrived popular culture (see documentary Where Does Cool Come From?) and you consider topics like presented in The Century of the Self series, society itself today is an engine for pressuring everyone into being more extroverted as a means of conforming to the everchanging norm. Privacy is becoming a thing of the past, cameras and surveillance everywhere down to our phones, everyone is on social media following the latest trends and news, not following the latest trends and news has also become a trend.

It's not a surprise to see that many of us here are more introverted. The expectations of the various religions, social aspects that we don't want to or can't indentify with and live up to, with this temple we have a place we may be able cultivate our own individual interests and ideas in a way that can still reflect and move out into the world without just shutting down or being considered a cast away.

As for labels, yeah I think we can all be in situations that make us more or less intro/extroverted. But each of us have difference needs and preferences that will always be in positive/negative conflict or competition with others and that's kind of the duality of life. Someone who is always called an introvert really may not even be introverted, they're just not given the chance to make a move.

Snowy Aftermath wrote: As I said on your wall version of this, I don't think putting labels on people really does anything productive, it just creates an us vs. them mentality. I don't understand why we insist people have to have all one set of traits or the other. People just aren't binary like that.

No, people aren't binary like that. But labeling people is something our brains do to help themselves. Our brains are pattern-recognizers, category-makers, and labeling machines. It helps us sort information. And, once we realize this, we can use it to our advantage.

Some people think that our brains build strict categories--like the ones here on the forum--where existing in one category prevents you from existing in any other. In reality, our brain categorizes much more like someone who slaps #hashtags everywhere. The labels given aren't exclusive, but they are a collection of "best approximations." Because of this, we can make educated guesses about how to handle certain situations much better by having this information at hand.

So, for example, when we discuss the "extrovert/introvert" binary, we discuss certain character traits. No one is 100% textbook-stereotypical introvert, but if they exhibit enough introvert-style characteristics, we slap on the label. Now, when someone with that label cancels plans, I (personally) am much less likely to take it personally because of that little categorization. Or, if someone who exhibits stereotypically extroverted characteristics more often gets really down and starts hermiting, it's very likely that they need a night out on the town, or at least some company, to help pick them back up. And all of this information is gathered by labeling people.

It's only bad if you make it bad.