Domestic Abuse

now that (hopefully) some of the feelings have settled down a bit, i want follow up on a couple of points

first, ALL abuse is mental and emotional

there is no such thing as a violent abuser who is otherwise emotionally and mentally nourishing towards their victim

physical abuse is what happens when mental and emotional abuse escalates into physical violence

which makes it - by definition - the most dangerous kind of abuse

also, there is a distinction to be made between domestic violence and domestic abuse

it can be said that all forms of violence constitute incidents of abuse, and thats true enough that i wont argue it outright, but when I talk of abuse i am referring to a relationship where there is a deliberately imposed disparity of power - one person is "in charge" and the other is "under control"

ABUSE is about dominance: control, exploitation and subjugation

this is important to understand

when two (or more) people who are mutually acknowledged as relatively equal in authority within the relationship disagree or become hostile, the situation may reach the point where they both act out violently towards each other

one partner may be routinely quicker to reach this point, and sometimes people get engaged in power struggles with each other that bring the out worst of both - so the lines definitely can blur between these concepts when we look closely into the realities of domestic violence

but generally speaking, ABUSIVE violence can be distinguished from mutual violence, in the sense that there is a consistent pattern of coercion and exploitation by one towards the other

abuse itself is not gender specific, and the desire to dominate and control others is HUMAN, more than male or female

but the VAST majority of violent domestic abuse cases find a man as the abuser

and the majority find women as victims

it is fair and important to acknowledge the exceptions to these majorities

but it is inaccurate to pretend they are not the majorities