Domestic Abuse

im answering the question of "why do people respond more to women being abused than men"

its not that women are incapable of causing pain lol far from it

i dont know what the numbers have to be to use the words "exceptional circumstances" but let me put it this way

go to any school or bar or music concert or any mall or busy park

throw ten rocks into the crowd and grab the man, lets say between 18 and 50, closest to where each rock lands

now do the same thing but this time grab the nearest woman

now do this ten more times

the men will be physically able to "win" virtually every time

the rare times you might get a match up where the woman would be able to win would be thr exception

"Winning" suggests the men punch back. Yes?

Abuse is usually more than physical Ob. Despite physical size, if a person is programmed to submit to their abuser, they will.

Back to the main point, unfortunately society has us built to protect the women, and it seemed the reactions on the woman abusing the man were a kind of "Go Girl!" thing. Ooo she's standing up for herself! He must deserve it!

OB1Shinobi wrote: im answering the question of "why do people respond more to women being abused than men"

its not that women are incapable of causing pain lol far from it

Yes, you're right, is not because women are incapable of causing pain, but rather because people like you believe that women are incapable of causing pain because they're women, that kind of ideology hurts everyone

This experiment has been done multiple times always with the same results.

Another one that my fiance studied in college stopped the people walking afterwards to ask them about it and they usually said that they assumed that the man deserved it.

This kind of goes with the assumption that if a man wanted to defend himself from a woman that he could. Let me tell you, from 20 years in martial arts that is not always the case. Men may usually be bigger, they may usually be stronger pound for pound, but they can not always defend themselves from a woman.

Also, notice how in one of the instances where the man was being abused a passerby joined in for one slap?

Ok why are people not helping the guy? As people said most people think along the lines of either A ) he can take care of it himself or B ) oh wow he must have ticked her off. Basically its internalized in most of societies mind that men can either take it or deserve it when it comes to being hit by a women.

---

Now on to something that is a true test of my commitment to the Jedi path. The ignorance that seems to abound about domestic violence is making my eye twitch here. I not only was a victim of domestic violence and sexual assault as a child but I was certified as a crisis counselor in those to fields by a womens advocacy group in my teens ( The cert is lapsed as I no longer live in that state and such) Having worked in said shelter and being a survivor myself let me break a few things down:

A ) ALL people are willing victims of DV unless they are children. You ALWAYS have the choice to walk away or get help unless you are physically chained up. To say otherwise takes away more power and choice from a victim which makes recovery mentally even harder.

B ) Abuse has ZERO to do with size or strength but with our willingness to do violence. Most people are not willing to hurt others. They literally freeze when put in such overwhelming situations.

C ) When it comes to men those that DO fight back are often labeled the abuser thus making them even more afraid to do anything. Getting proof is very very hard for a male.

D ) The comments made about men here are the exact reason why so much of male DV never is reported. Please educate yourselves on this topic because the damage done by the ignorance of it is part of the reason there is so little help for male victims.

Goken wrote: Also, notice how in one of the instances where the man was being abused a passerby joined in for one slap?

I noticed that too. I had to stop watching after that...

@ elizabeth

im not saying its ok to be abusive and im not saying that there are no situations where women abuse men

im only answering the questions "why are people quicker to help a woman being hit by a man?"

and if we just speak generically by the averages, average man who cant fight is still more than a match for the average woman who cant fight


I see your point, generally it is assumed that a man can defend himself from a woman, any woman. Unfortunately in life this isn't always the case. And a woman who can't fight against a man who can't, just because the man may be physically larger, doesn't mean he has an advantage.
Although living here it is rare for anyone to help a victim of violence and that in and of itself is the main problem. People are afraid to get involved, or leave it up to another and sometimes there is no one else.

tzb asked "why are people so quick to jump in to help the woman but not so quick to help the man?"

ive answered that question

does anyone think the answer i gave to that question is not accurate?

does anyone have a better answer to the question "why?"

---

tzb
im only illustrating the point of the disparity between the physical capabilities of the average man and those of the average woman

now im going to talk about the man/woman in the video because thats the OP and because trying to keep track of a billion hypothetical man/woman matchups would leave me feeling like an abuse victim myself

using the video as an example, that guy wouldnt even have to punch her

he could probably just grab her and shake her until her teeth rattled and her eyes started to roll into the back of her head

or push her off of him

or even just run away

a girlfriend punched me in the face once and i told her she hit like a girl lol

that made her mad and she hit me again lol

she hit me several times and even gave me a bit of a shiner but you know what i did to beat her up?

i laughed at her

she really did hit like a girl

in the end she kicked my ass, but it was not with physical violence

i dont see any reason to pretend there arent differences between men and woman or to pretend that those differences arent meaningful

---

Kamizu

i appreciate your point about abuse being more than physical: i agree and im not condoning abuse of anykind



----

Vako, you dont know me or my experiences with women

you dont know what i believe

all you have to go on is my words and you seem to be making assumptions which go beyond what ive actually said here

It is also worth noting that violence begets violence. Just because a women may not hurt a man (or vice versa) during the first altercation does not mean that the next one won't involve a bat, a car, or a gun. Domestic violence is always unacceptable.

As for the original question, I think that domestic violence was accepted, hidden or ignored for so long that we are just now beginning to really grapple with it as a problem. As we seek to empower victims in the effort to prevent abuse, we have to be careful that we are not empowering victims to commit it themselves.