Domestic Abuse

OB1Shinobi wrote: Wall of text

Again and again you think its about physicality. NO. Ill say it again NO NO NO. Its the mental capacity to do violence and handle violence that is what causes and allows abusive situations to continue. Your statements and those like them are the EXACT reason so many victims do not get or cannot find help.

The reason I ask OB is that I have been in a similarly abusive situation, and I'm curious to hear it described as "weakness" that I didn't hit back, shake her etc. It was actually an act of some considerable restraint to get hit and not to retaliate, only to get hit again until I was able to get away. So I'm asking you to clarify what you feel it's appropriate for men to do to defend themselves in these sorts of situations, as that's what you're suggesting. For me, there's a similar disparity there.

I agree that if I'd hit my wife with all my strength I would have hurt her a lot more than she hurt me, doing the same. But to me, that seems irrelevant and not really the issue here.

I am not inclined to physical responses and very pleased I didn't resort to them. However I would expect bystanders to intervene when witnessing physical abuse of any kind, be that male-male, female-female, or anything else. To confine it to this clip, the man is clearly not capable of physically stopping the woman as he doesn't, but is clearly in distress. People walk by, some even join in, laugh etc. That, to me, is troubling.

I'm pleased that you have been able to respond with amusement, but if we're confining this to the video, that's not what happened. And it's clearly not something everyone is capable of.

MadHatter wrote:

OB1Shinobi wrote: Wall of text

Again and again you think its about physicality. NO. Ill say it again NO NO NO. Its the mental capacity to do violence and handle violence that is what causes and allows abusive situations to continue. Your statements and those like them are the EXACT reason so many victims do not get or cannot find help.

again, youre not understanding what i am saying

a question was asked

the question was "why do people not jump in to help the man as quickly as they jump in to help the woman?"

thatwas the question

i gave the answer

unless you have a better answer to that question you are wasting your time with these responses

in other threads i have referenced some of the abuse in my family

im not going to recount it here

i am familiar enough with abuse and violence to understand that it doesnt have a preffered gender

ive answered a specific quesion

the answer i gave is correct

if you think that you can change the correctness of the answer by anything you say to me then -- lol

---

tzb, im sorry for the impolite way of speaking - every time ive ever been abused- and i have been abused by men and women, i was weak in some way

you might say "vulnerable" is a better word

but vulnerability can be seen as a kind of weakness as far as i understand, and had i been stonger,especially had i been psycholigically stronger, i would have handled the situations differently

as for the people in the videos, that the dude was psychologically too weak to prevent himself from being beat up by someone not as physically strong as him, does not mean that he was incapable of overpowering her physically

as for your case, you said "until i was able to get away"

so she wasnt able to beat you to death before you ran away?

i did list "run away" as one of the options a man would usually have, that in fact women usually dont have

so your situation reinforces my point

i dont say that its ok for a woman to abuse a man

i only am saying that these are (at least some of) the reasons for the lack of interferance in this video and in general

n/m

OB1Shinobi wrote: she really did hit like a girl

I think you need to meet other girls.

Goken wrote:

OB1Shinobi wrote: she really did hit like a girl

I think you need to meet other girls.

well, theres this chick in my kickboxing class that .. oh wait

I find this kind of violence appaling and i can't even watch it , having seen as a child what this kind of violence did damage inside of us, it made me weak and oversensitive and took me years to find my balance. It makes no difference if the man is hit or the woman , we percieve it differently and i find women and men who choose not to be violent in that kind of situation , heroes , because violence brings violence ...having said that , if your partner hits you..you really need to leave :dry:

MartaLina wrote: I find this kind of violence appaling and i can't even watch it , having seen as a child what this kind of violence did damage inside of us, it made me weak and oversensitive and took me years to find my balance. It makes no difference if the man is hit or the woman , we percieve it differently and i find women and men who choose not to be violent in that kind of situation , heroes , because violence brings violence ...having said that , if your partner hits you..you really need to leave :dry:

I agree. Violence always breeds more violence.

My wife's friend recently found refuge at our home because her husband was being abusive. We both saw what violence inside a relationship can do. Not only is it toxic for the victim but in a way it enables the abuser as well. It only makes the abuser more of a coward and less likely to contribute to society. A split is the best resolve for everyone.

While violence either way is bad, a male is more likely to be able to both defend himself and be a deadly offender due to physiological differences. Added to that fact males will feel more comfortable confronting another male.

Looking to outliers to put women and men on the same physical level is not appropriate.

Vako wrote: First of all, no I haven't "wrestled" but I have fight with many, I practice martial arts, and I know what a woman is capable of, I know women can be stronger than me in all aspects

im just going to be direct with you - if you practice martial arts and you cant kick the crap out 95% of all women alive on the face of the earth, then your teachers are failing you terribly

you should just play badminton or f##ing cards or something lol

sorry that sounds mean but if you cant beat up a girl then the training youre getting is bad

unless you just started maybe

get back to me in two months

you should be able to beat up a girl by then

i doubt youve FOUGHT girls

i guarantee no coach or instructor is having you actually FIGHT with girls

if you take jiu jitsu then you might roll with girls, and yeah there might be an instructor who makes the girls roll with the guys and tells the guys not to take it easy, but even that is not a fight

if your "fighting" doesnt result in stitches or unconsciousness, then its not fighting

most likely what youre talking about is SPARRING and its a way different experience

not that sparring isnt tough, it can be

Second of all, there is that mentality again, to believe that women are weaker than men only because they women is to fall in ignorance,

im sorry young man but it doesnt matter what university you attend, they will all tell you that men are physically stronger than women

this idea that there is no difference is wrong and silly

how do you know that that little girl can't beat you up? because she is little and a girl?

yes! lol
thats exactly right: because shes little, and shes a girl

yes

i had a little sister, and she was little

and i wasnt an especially mean brother, as brothers go, but one thing she could never do was beat me up, and she still couldnt

does this mean she isnt a capable person?
certainly not: my sister is a good mother and a published author and certified as a personal fitness trainer and is starting her own business

shes awesome

but she cant beat me up lol

im not saying that women are not capable of violence - anyone who is really determined to cause harm is dangerous - no matter what

but one of the reasons for that is because a serious person is going to figure out how to hurt someone based on their actual capabilities

there are even some women who are very good at violence - but those are the very small minority and i am talking averages here

im sure someone is going to be all uptight and claim that i am endorsing violence

im not

im being flippant, yes, because i am an irreverant SOB

but what i am saying is true, even if you want to freak out and read into it that i am a horrible person