Having some issues

Hey!

I thought I would come to my temple for advice.

A while back, my birth sister (I'm adopted) found me on Myspace (yeah, when it was still useful). We kind of talked for a while, but then she tried to pressure me into seeing my dying birth mother. She was going to die a few weeks later, and I didn't want to craft that kind of emotional baggage. So, I stopped talking to Amber (my sister).

Fast forward three years. She's now found me on Facebook, and is trying to reconnect with me.

I don't know how I feel about this whole thing... to be honest. There's a part of me that wishes to be friendly with her. There's another part that wants to not open up that can of worms.

Is there a way to handle this that would be healthiest for everybody?

Thanks for your perspective and help.

I can only speculate as to I have never been in that type of situation before.
And I am sure there is more to it then you have relayed and that is quite alright… it does not need to be a public affair. But as to my honest opinion….

Family relations are important. Whether you feel like opening this can of worms, your sister does. A part of me thinks that there is some reason you do not want to “open the can of worms.” And perhaps opening that an will help you to find something that seems to be bothering you about the whole ordeal.


PS. the emotional baggage is there whether you choose to acknowledge it or not.

I wish I was adopted, with that said, perhaps it's not a can of worms after all.

It's just as possible that you may benefit from the experience, one way or another.

There's only one way to know for sure, how does her Facebook page look, does she appear to be a positive individual?

Wescli Wardest wrote: Family relations are important. Whether you feel like opening this can of worms, your sister does. A part of me thinks that there is some reason you do not want to “open the can of worms.” And perhaps opening that an will help you to find something that seems to be bothering you about the whole ordeal.

But, there is no family relationship to begin with.

What's bothering me about the situation is her persistence. hahah.

I agree with other comments, and have no idea what the can or worms means. I only let fear dictate my behaviour if I know what its about and think its rational. There are lots of different types of 'family' but they most often change a lot from childhood to adulthood. Some people though cling to aspects of the childhood family constructs so I'd take any progress slowly until you can better assess her nature and intentions and develop a friendship with her on the grounds of two people rather then some concept of your or her version of what 'family' might mean. Though... you never know when you might need another kidney!!

Shinzen wrote:
There's only one way to know for sure, how does her Facebook page look, does she appear to be a positive individual?

She seems to be slightly alternative, and depressive some of the time. But, our dad DID just die. hahah.

I don't think she's a bad person.

Adder wrote: Though... you never know when you might need another kidney!!

There is a benefit of having her as a friend.

My health records... I don't have any of them. And, I bet she has access to what they "would" be.

You're right in what you said about the healthiest solution for everyone - yourself included. What is the most to be gained from following this through, for each of you? And what's the most you could both lose? It seems to me she has little to lose which explains her perseverance, where you may suffer if it doesn't go well. If the choice is between gaining a friend you previously cut off, or losing your peace of mind, I think that's a straightforward choice. If you choose not to reconnect, or do but it goes badly, she's really no worse off than she is now. You mention crafting emotional baggage, and I can see that and I certainly don't think it would be unreasonable for you to decide this isn't a healthy relationship for you to form.

I don't mean to sound one-sided and I can obviously understand your curiosity to connect with your biological relations. I think that side of things speaks for itself, but it sounds like you weighed up the risks three years ago and reached a conclusion.

It is of course a situation where only you can decide. I guess one of the joys of doing it through Facebook, if you decide to, is that you can restrict what she has access to and potentially block her out altogether if it gets too weird. Much better than, for example, inviting her over for coffee then having her turn up whenever she feels like it.

May the Force be with you, Connor, whatever you decide.

Connor Lidell wrote: But, there is no family relationship to begin with.

What's bothering me about the situation is her persistence. hahah.

Perhaps that is the problem?

Whether the two of you have ever spent time together or anything; she is a part of your family. And it appears that she at least wants to know you....

And don't forget the Jedi Creed. I feel you should turn to that when looking for guidance.
It is not just something we say after meetings and sermons. They are more then just pretty words... it is a code to live by my friend.

I agree with what WW said.

For my own thoughts, based on the little you have shared with us, I don't see the harm in talking to your sister; it's not like she's asking you for money.