Rants far and wide

I appreciate you're here to help me while your son, my husband, is gone. But that does not mean you get to be inappropriate. I don't care if you have a "don't ask don't tell" policy with your wife. Beside the fact I am not in an open relationship, I had considered you my dad. Eew.

And I'm mad at myself for not having the courage to tell him not to hug me.

I don't have enough spoons to deal with any of this anymore. The stress has increased my pain

Work/Life balance my gluteus maximus.

7pm to 3am then 5pm to 1am then 1pm to 9pm followed by 7am to 3pm.

I see lots of work hours there but how about some time to spend with my kid for his birthday... unless sleep is supposed to be optional.

Grrr.... I love my job... I love my job...

Pro: I live near the totality zone of the solar eclipse
Con: It's 30 minutes away
Pro: I can drive there!
Con: Everyone else is gonna drive there.
Con: IT'S GONNA BE BUSY AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE I'M GONNA GO TO SEE IT.

I feel terrible but I REALLY don't want to go back to the hospital. I was hospitalized on Wednesday and Thursday and ended up having a total emotional breakdown from lack of sleep. I won't get any rest if I go back because the nurses come in at all hours of the night. Plus my dad and I have been planning to drive 6 hours to southern Idaho tomorrow to see the total eclipse there on Monday. I really want to go since it's such a rare opportunity and it's the area where we lived when I was in 3rd-5th grade. We're going to watch the eclipse from one of our old camping spots. Please, please, please let me stay well enough to go!!

Don't tell me who I should be or what parts of me I should work on. You're my friend, not my life coach.

I have already changed so much for you when I shouldn't have. I loved you and you took advantage.

Avalonslight wrote: I've come to a realization over the last few (one or two) weeks... And it's not one I much well enjoy.

I'll be spending the next few months contemplating it though... Who knows what will happen then.

My realization? Yeah.... I don't need a few months to contemplate it. It's a fact. Only needed two days and a couple of conversations with people to prove that.

My response.... I give up.... I'm done. Done trying, done relating, done interpersonal-ing, done sharing, done .... just.... done.... I can't even friend right. No more me and my feelings being an open book to people. No more venting. Closed-book Ava.

I've spent years trying, and I just... No... I've learned very well the effects that it has on those around me and I won't.

Still, my inbox stays open to any in need.

Avalonslight wrote:

Avalonslight wrote: I've come to a realization over the last few (one or two) weeks... And it's not one I much well enjoy.

I'll be spending the next few months contemplating it though... Who knows what will happen then.

My realization? Yeah.... I don't need a few months to contemplate it. It's a fact. Only needed two days and a couple of conversations with people to prove that.

My response.... I give up.... I'm done. Done trying, done relating, done interpersonal-ing, done sharing, done .... just.... done.... I've spent years trying, and I just... No. . .

Still, my inbox stays open to any in need.

But I've got a cookie....

Waves cookie in front of face...

We're best at doing that which we practice most.

I wanted family. People used that word. I let myself believe. Again.

I came here for a place to lean on, a place to grow, a place to heal. Hope hurts more than it helps sometimes.