Gender Preference

Leah Starspectre wrote:

MartaLina wrote: Never mind : answer for V here haha

I know what you mean , i live here in the Netherlands and i am allowed to change my mind and i am very lucky. Sex is very important to me, and i see it as an integral part of a relationship that developes into a romantic relationship like for instance a marriage . Therefore she was the love of my life and soulmate but not the "relationship" of my life , it was hard for us to reach a mutual understanding because i could live without the sex ...with her ...but not whitout sex full stop so for me to cheat on her was too heartbreaking so i ended it before it ever came to that. That was the honest way i guess . I dont know if i will ever meet someone like her again or even that i will ever find myself in bed with a woman again , and that feels like saying goodbye to a wholelotta good stuff aswell ...hence my cunumdrum :blush:

So to clarify, this is less about gender and more about you feeling like you've missed out on a romantic partnership? Not that it's wrong, but what does gender have to do with your concerns?

That she was a woman , and i thought she was the one , but i could not sleep with her and i thought or somewhere still think that was because she was a woman but i am not really sure and thats bugging me :laugh:

den385 wrote: My reasoning is that LGBT is 50y.o. and nothing changed biologically in that amount of time. IMO, some diversity is healthy but not when it becomes a cultural trend.

LGBT isn't 50 years old. Let's use the Spartans as an example. Their culture viewed heterosexuality as a necessity for the survival of Sparta. But they viewed homosexuality among soldiers as the true form of love. There were several reasons for that view, one of which was because it was thought you fought harder when your lover was next to you in the phalanx and you would show more bravery because you didn't want to lose face in front of him.

Like all things with humans, there's both cultural and genetic influences. If the Spartan reasoning is sound, bisexuality would increase battlefield life expectancy, sort of like survival of the fittest. Those bisexual Spartans are also having more children and thus passing on any genes that would predispose someone to bisexuality. Of course, this is a theory.

As far as the OP's concern, I look at relationships like this; what separates my best friend from my girlfriend? I want to have sex with my girlfriend. I'm straight, and this is my perspective. I've also had good friends who are women who I wasn't attracted to. They never became my girlfriend because I wasn't physically attracted to them. I hope I read the OP's posts correctly in understanding the situation as guilt in some sense for not being attracted to the other female and regret for the loss of a possible love. You can't help who you're attracted to, and I know that's easy for me to say from the position of not being in your situation.

I want to thank you all for your answers , it means a lot to me that you all want to think with me and i am very moved by all your answers and your honesty , whether i agree or not , your input has given me much food for thought and i can now better see the points that i find important in this matter , so thank you

Back before I transitioned (transgender M2F) I had a few relationships. every single one was with a female. I never found myself sexually attracted to females, but I was to males. I kept dating women because it was expected of me. But life has a funny way of doing things. I have been with my last girlfriend for 9 years now. When I came out as transgender, she didn't hesitate to except me. That was a few years ago now. Now she has come out as transgender as well. So in the end gender didn't mean anything. Him and I are still together and love each other very much. We are not very sexually active (due to gender dysphoria) but we are still very intimate. I learned that a relationship doesn't need sex. Gender doesn't matter either. No one can see gender, it is something that can only be felt.

If you are attracted to them more than just physically, pursue the relationship. It doesn't have to be a romantic one, a soul mate is hard to find and can still never progress past being platonic. Trust your heart and let the force guide you. If you are unsure if it is real love still, do some self reflecting and find the root of your emotions. I am only 28 and I know I don't have as much life experience in these issues as some members, nor am I as wise as some. But I hope my perspective proves helpful regardless.

AveryR1988 wrote: Back before I transitioned (transgender M2F) I had a few relationships. every single one was with a female. I never found myself sexually attracted to females, but I was to males. I kept dating women because it was expected of me. But life has a funny way of doing things. I have been with my last girlfriend for 9 years now. When I came out as transgender, she didn't hesitate to except me. That was a few years ago now. Now she has come out as transgender as well. So in the end gender didn't mean anything. Him and I are still together and love each other very much. We are not very sexually active (due to gender dysphoria) but we are still very intimate. I learned that a relationship doesn't need sex. Gender doesn't matter either. No one can see gender, it is something that can only be felt.

If you are attracted to them more than just physically, pursue the relationship. It doesn't have to be a romantic one, a soul mate is hard to find and can still never progress past being platonic. Trust your heart and let the force guide you. If you are unsure if it is real love still, do some self reflecting and find the root of your emotions. I am only 28 and I know I don't have as much life experience in these issues as some members, nor am I as wise as some. But I hope my perspective proves helpful regardless.

Thank you Avery , you and your guy are very lucky , i think it has to be mutual , when you are ok with not being to intimate but the other one is suffering than its not the one for you and you should move on , and thats what i did , i could not offer the person the thing they wanted , i could not offer the whole package if you know what i mean and the other person was suffering , i then realised i had to be harsh and i basicly had to ruin what i thought was a very special and good thing. After reading all the postst and having had a good sleep i realise , people want what they want , i need to figure out what i want and stop feeling heartbroken over what i cannot have , i need to move on and give someone else a change to win my heart. Male or Female its irrelevant

Marta, not only are you smart, but you're awesome, too! You'll figure this out. Just take some time and let it all gel.
Love you, pal. Hugs. May the Force guide you and protect you. Always.

Dechlain wrote: Marta, not only are you smart, but you're awesome, too! You'll figure this out. Just take some time and let it all gel.
Love you, pal. Hugs. May the Force guide you and protect you. Always.

Thank you dear , love you too , i leave you all with a quote and with some humor loll

“I was made and meant to look for you and wait for you and become yours forever.”
― Robert Browning

First of all Marta I apologize for not responding here sooner; i read the Gender Unicorn thread and then when i saw this one i just assumed that (as a straight guy) i wasnt going to have anything to contribute (that anyone cared to hear lol)

now i see you were asking for feedback, so, sorry im late, heres what ive got

MartaLina wrote: This is one i have struggled with for years , what is important to you in love , do you let your gender preference stand in the way of "real love"

i cant speak for you Marta, but for me it isnt a choice; i could no more fall in love or even be attracted to a man than someone who is 100% gay could be attracted to the opposite sex - i actually had a problem with this in the past with a gay friend, because neither of us could change our feelings, and so we eventually had to go our separate ways

some people really can do both, good for you! but for those of us who cant, we cant.
intellectually, we can theorize about the evolution of sexuality and the cultural indoctrination of gender all we want, but when it comes time to do the deed, spirit and flesh are just not into it

MartaLina wrote: i always feel i let the woman of my dreams, my better half , walk away because i really like men more ,

im only guessing here but if, at the time, you werent into being with a woman, then i dont see how you could have had a good relationship

i mean, the way it ended is sad, but if youd have tried to force something that isnt really natural to you, theres no telling how much damage could have been done to you both

imagine eventually breaking her heart, and you both walking away with the bitterness and resentments that inevitably accumulate when people stay in relationships that dont really fit

MartaLina wrote: what say you ? Was i wrong ,

love is just so damn hard lol i say all this like i know, but who really knows?
i dont think you were wrong.
but on that note, i also think that being wrong and losing people we love because we were wrong is just one of those things in life that we are both lucky and unlucky enough to have to face

i have more sadness when i think of those who never get to love in the first place, and to me it seems that we all crash our loves and our lives into the rocks at least once

MartaLina wrote: how do you deal with this? Is there a way ?

give yourself permission to be flawed, and make mistakes, and love yourself anyway?
trust that life is still awesome and can still be awesome, even with the mistakes?

i dont actually know you, right? so i cant say whats there behind the screen name and the persona, but from where i am sitting you seem to have a lot going for you as a person and as a woman

love is tough and there's no guarantees for any of us, but i suspect that you still have quite a good chance of having something that brings you happiness, maybe even something that you'll come to feel was worth the losses

i hope so
good luck

MartaLina wrote: I want to thank you all for your answers , it means a lot to me that you all want to think with me and i am very moved by all your answers and your honesty , whether i agree or not , your input has given me much food for thought and i can now better see the points that i find important in this matter , so thank you

What a bright light that glows. Thanks for giving credit and thanks. We often help and get help and forget to say thanks. Thanks for remembering Marta. Thanks for displaying the DIFFRENCE! If I am the difference, so are you and so are we ! Kinda nice to know...
May the Living Force continue to be with you !