Gender Preference

MartaLina wrote: Never mind : answer for V here haha

I know what you mean , i live here in the Netherlands and i am allowed to change my mind and i am very lucky. Sex is very important to me, and i see it as an integral part of a relationship that developes into a romantic relationship like for instance a marriage . Therefore she was the love of my life and soulmate but not the "relationship" of my life , it was hard for us to reach a mutual understanding because i could live without the sex ...with her ...but not whitout sex full stop so for me to cheat on her was too heartbreaking so i ended it before it ever came to that. That was the honest way i guess . I dont know if i will ever meet someone like her again or even that i will ever find myself in bed with a woman again , and that feels like saying goodbye to a wholelotta good stuff aswell ...hence my cunumdrum :blush:

So to clarify, this is less about gender and more about you feeling like you've missed out on a romantic partnership? Not that it's wrong, but what does gender have to do with your concerns?

Gender preference is interesting, when I look to preference I say that I am attracted to women and not to men. But when I look to behavior I do notice that I have a strong feminine side and a masculine side depending on what kind of situation I am in.. :blush: This is one creates difficulties to be among others who will not tolerate it. People these days do not accept another because we try to press everything into an image that must be 'that-what-we (society)-''want''-to-be.'

This pressure creates frustration and sadness when someone does not fit in. I am worried that people are forcing themselves too much to change into this ideal image. Men world wide are for example forced to fit into this image in ways of saying that we are forced very hard to keep our hair short, :blink: to wear our cloth in a spesific way, and to wear no jewelry except a watch. If a person does not follow it, he will be considered to be part of a sub-culture, even when he is not.
When a person tries to step out of this ''role'' it will be countered with extreme force by even close family. People consider you a freak, a person that does not fit in. For every person who finds themselves in some kind of similar situation, it does require an iron will to go for it. I can admire that in each person who does let go the demands of society, but I also fear that it scars people very much to the point of mental damage for some who are not willingly to go for it when they want it. We should not be afraid to be as we are.

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den385 wrote: 1) There is a perspective from which all people are inherently bisexual. Personally, I heard it in not quite serious contexts.

2) There is also a perspective from which being lesbian/gay is biologically determined, which, AFAIK, has much science behind it. As far as I understood from that scientific brief, it's less of a blond/brunette and more like standard/albino probability pattern. The milder version is not "determination", but "bias" model.

3) There is also a perspective that homosexuality is a social and cultural meme, rather then genetic determinant.

Personally, I hold a combo of 2nd and 3rd to be true. Personally, I think that if a person chooses to be gay/lesbian out of deep psychological preference it's very brave of him/her. Otherwise it's foolish and there is nothing to encourage. The totality of phenomena of LGBT movement is critically tied with postindustrial society, AFAIK. And this is the same PI society in which spiritual life is quite absent and morals degrade. So, my personal view is that, other then strong genetic precursors, homosexualism is psychological weakness and a sign of society's degeneracy. I think that a small percentage of LGBT people is ok and it correlates with genetic variation of population, but as a massive trend it's very unhealthy.

I know, I won't be popular and perhaps, will be attacked personally. Fine

Hiya,

I would first like to know how in your scheme you propose to separate those who choose to be members of the LGBTQ community out "society's denigration" and those who choose it it out of "deep psychological preference"? Is everybody going to submit to a test? And who would be your control group?

Secondly, your words were exceptionally strong. Phrases like "its foolish and there is nothing to encourage" and "homsexualism is psychological weakness" and the suggestion that LGBTQ is a "massive society trend and unhealthy" are hurtful to the members who are part of that group. What is being suggested by these statements is that something is inherently wrong with them as individuals.

I'd like to acknowledge your opinion as just that, an opinion

But, I see your opinion and raise you my own.

Individuals of the LGBTQ community are lambasted by images, thoughts words and action in society that constantly reminds them that they are "psychologically weak" and that something is wrong with them and that what they are doing is "unhealthy", "foolish" and "wrong". It would be far easier for them to conform, to let go of those strong psychological convictions (or as you call them, 'preferences") and give in to societal norms. It would make a healthier society right? Not so much weakness.

But they don't, and do you know what?

That, my friend, is what makes them strong, and healthy

Wow! Waking up to two different, and awesome threads on Gender? There's the Temple I know and love.

I feel like a small ant compared to the great comments, and stories that have been shared in this thread so far. Such amazing, and well thought out discussion. I don't have all too much to add, but I wanted to toss my own personal experience in as well to contribute.

I always grew up being 100% attracted to fellow women, and thought I was a pure Lesbian for life. But, a couple years ago I ended up falling for a wonderful guy for a short while and we dated for over three months. It ended up not working out for multiple reasons, but I was shocked that I had even considered it, let alone pursued it. Really helped me mature in the sexuality department, as I opened up to the idea that I'm actually somewhat bisexual.

As I poured time and thought into it, I really came to the conclusion that I like "people". If you're a kind, intelligent and authentic person, then you're probably someone I could fall for and be attracted to. I gravitate towards women first, but as I found out, it really boils down to the 'spirit' inside said person.

MartaLina wrote: I think the question for me is no longer , do i prefer man or woman , but , do i love this person enough to be with him/her even when that means sex , smelly socks , faul temper in the morning and everything else utterly romantic

Precisely !!!

I really have never let it bother me. If I find one attractive or I like someone, I really don't care.

Preference, as mentioned before, has little to do with how one "falls" in love, but can play a role. Then again, not everybody recognizes the difference between attraction and arousal. A beautiful woman or a gorgeous man may make me turn my head, but I may not be automatically aroused. The person who arouses me may not be very attractive, but I'd be turned on, regardless. Putting the two things together is where I think my preference lies; that I'm attracted to the person who arouses me. The fact that I followed my attraction and further became aroused by my wife when we initially met was a good thing, imo. She was everything opposite to what I was and still is.

From my perspective, there's no simple solution to this problem you face. Love has power over even the most stubborn of hearts. Love can make you forget that you ever had any problems and it can make it painful to remember the lovers that go away. Life is pain, in this regard, but it doesn't always have to be that way. Should you find someone who makes you feel that way again, don't be afraid to fall again. Should it not work out, pick yourself up and try again. Can't really see any other way to live life.

I'm a little weird when it comes to my sexual preference. I don't prefer one gender over the other really when it comes to plain sex. When it comes to relationships, however, I clearly prefer women. I've never had a romantic relationship with a man and I do not intend to, it just isn't something I'm interested in. Men, to me, are friends and potential sexual partners but not potential life partners. Maybe this makes me shallow or something but it's just the way I am. I'd like to think that if the right guy came along I might actually consider having a real relationship with him but I don't know that I would when it comes down to it.

Do I think you were wrong to let this person go because of preference? It's not my place to judge that. I do think, however, that preference can be a serious factor when it comes to deciding who to pursue a relationship with. There are some things that we just won't or can't do. I think when the right person comes along you'll figure it out pretty quickly. It'll be completely up to you whether you let gender be an issue. If you simply prefer one gender over the other then that's just the way you are and you shouldn't feel bad about it. If you can see past gender enough to give someone a chance then that's great, but I don't think it's necessary. Not everyone can do that.

This is your life and it's up to you how you want to live it.

Lykeios wrote: I'm a little weird when it comes to my sexual preference. I don't prefer one gender over the other really when it comes to plain sex. When it comes to relationships, however, I clearly prefer women. I've never had a romantic relationship with a man and I do not intend to, it just isn't something I'm interested in. Men, to me, are friends and potential sexual partners but not potential life partners. Maybe this makes me shallow or something but it's just the way I am. I'd like to think that if the right guy came along I might actually consider having a real relationship with him but I don't know that I would when it comes down to it.

Do I think you were wrong to let this person go because of preference? It's not my place to judge that. I do think, however, that preference can be a serious factor when it comes to deciding who to pursue a relationship with. There are some things that we just won't or can't do. I think when the right person comes along you'll figure it out pretty quickly. It'll be completely up to you whether you let gender be an issue. If you simply prefer one gender over the other then that's just the way you are and you shouldn't feel bad about it. If you can see past gender enough to give someone a chance then that's great, but I don't think it's necessary. Not everyone can do that.

This is your life and it's up to you how you want to live it.

Very well said Lyke , i do prefer one over the other , and that was hindering me , but i also realise that i might reconsider going into a relationship with a woman untill i no i can commit myself to her with body/heart/mind and not settle for just 2 of them , thats how i see a relationship that will lead to for instance a marriage ... and then again , i will know when i will fall in love again , and i will , i am not afraid of falling , i will just let it fall

Alexandre Orion wrote:

MartaLina wrote: I think the question for me is no longer , do i prefer man or woman , but , do i love this person enough to be with him/her even when that means sex , smelly socks , faul temper in the morning and everything else utterly romantic

Precisely !!!

Especially the faul parts have to be lovable i think