How important is sex?

A couple of months ago things with my on / off girlfriend ended permanently. It wasn't particularly saddening for me, we both knew the end was inevitable and that it was impossible for us to be together (not in a lame teeny way, the relationship simply wasn't feesable as we were going to be apart for three months after which she was / is moving to Ireland). Since then I haven't had sex and it's beginning to dig away at me rather annoyingly. I've spoken to a friend about it and he said half joking, half serious that not having sex genuinely changes people as that carnal desire can twist emotions. At times I really thought that I wanted to be back with my former gal because I cared for her etc. but now I think, rather shamefully, that it was just sexual frustration that led me to get back with her...anyway the point I'm getting at is, how important do you guys feel sex is? But more imporantantly do you think a lack of it can really change people?

I'm in a similar situation as yourself at the moment, actually. I ended a relationship a few months ago, and have had no action since. I'm not a hugely sexual person (when I was younger I even thought I was asexual for a bit because I didn't seem to have any sort of libido), but nonetheless this dearth of physical contact has caused the carnal side of myself to begin to present itself- which is surprising, because when I was younger I was never really like that.


So I do think that sex is important for most humans. But I don't necessarily think a lack of it can change people, but rather reveal a part of oneself that exists without sex. It was already there, but sex placated it. My thought is we all have base needs and desires, and when those base needs and desires aren't met, our personalities may (dramatically) change until those base needs/desires are again met. For a non-sex related example, think of food. If you're fasting, or don't have access to food when you're hungry, you may become moody and irritable. But when you can again eat, your mood returns to a more balanced state.

That said, I don't think living without sex for a period is going to turn people into horny beasts who can't help but exploit others. We all have self-control, and we have hands xP. No one can say that a lack of sex pushed them to sexually take advantage of someone else. That's an excuse to justify things one knows is wrong. Slightly off-topic, but I wanted to put it out there.

Oy. I know exactly how you feel. I had an addiction when I was 17-18, but then my girlfriend of over a year thought we were getting too physical...

You can imagine how a teenage boy took that. hahah.

Just remember this: Things are only important in context. So, in your emotional life, you probably put a lot of yourself into sex. Now that the venue is gone, you still want to express those feelings.

Do more karate. (this is a Friends TV show reference).

For me a lot of a relationship is about energy which generally is not part of conscious awareness, but when its weakened through distance or broken from aversion/separation it might create disturbances which manifest in the consciousness.

For the physical 'sex' side of things I reckon its gotta have something to do with testosterone (at least for the males), and that question sent me into search engine land. The following quote reminded me of when I was a single adult;

"That said, men often notice very real changes in libido and energy over the days and weeks following [climax]. These shifts probably have more to do with changes in key neurochemicals and nerve cell receptors in the brain's reward circuitry than they do with serum testosterone levels."

So I think the changes have more to do with the overall pleasure from the complex interplay of emotional and sexual. To that end I'd also venture that other addictive lifestyle habits might empower that same reward circuitry making the effect seem greater. These bodies are sure complex machines!!!

So overall I agree that too much internal energy could benefit from some physical exercise/training and perhaps develop some new habits even if only for a short while to relieve any established dependencies from becoming burdened as conduits for old systems of reward.

oops, to answer your question Mace, yes. I've seen it in others, felt it myself, but think its a bit complicated ^^^

As someone who has an insatiable sex drive (my ex-wife and I often went for hours at a time on most occasions, and at least twice a day) I can tell you that personally, the lack of it I ended up having did change me. I think it all depends on how much of it you got before losing it, and how high your drive is. Along with this is will-power. Seeing as how I went from twice a day every day to NOTHING over night, I don't think I need to tell you how badly that affected me...but I will, lol.

I was so driven that when I didn't have it, I started losing interest in the things I loved. I stopped singing, I stopped playing my saxophone and piano, I stopped writing and arranging music, and ended up spending most of my time watching porn. It unfortunately consumed my life. I became a hermit. Things just went downhill up to the divorce.

Even now, I still struggle with my lack of a sex drive. I've overcome my addiction to pornography having completely banished it from my life, but my sex drive is still driving me nuts. Hookers are a no-no, friends-with-benefits are not my style, and I just can't bring myself to do one night stands. I have too big of a caring heart to bring myself to do any of those.

I do believe that sex is important to a certain extent. It's different for everyone. The reason I do so good in life now, is that I have developed will-power. I choose to not let my strong cravings control me, especially since I just started seeing someone who currently has a very minor sex drive (this should be interesting, lol). I'm not saying that the drive will ever go away. It'll just be easier to control. You have to find what works best for you. Work with it so that you can still have a healthy relationship with your partner. Make it so that it doesn't change you (unless it's for the better).

In conclusion, this is just one of those "it's different for everyone" scenarios. All you can do is listen to other people's experiences and try to learn from them. Use their techniques or learn from them to develop your own. But yes, sex does indeed have the power to change people. Exhibit A

Having sex is the physical act of procreation. It is survival of the species that draws us to have sex. It is a very instinctual and primal act. Sex has many “triggers” within us and with our interaction of others. Some of those triggers are visual. Some call this “eye candy” while others believe that it is through the eyes that the heart looks for a mate. There are audio triggers in which the sound of a sweet voice stirs us. The common theme here is that it is all base human instinct.

It is the fact that we are suppose to be the highest level of intelligence on the planet that separates humans from all other instinctual forms of life. We must use our minds to offset the instinctual desire for sex with the civilized plan for procreating in a responsible way. It is our ego that stands between the instinct and the thoughtful need for sex. Our instinct tells us that at a certain age we are physically capable and ready for procreation, but our knowledge and education, our civilized evolution says we should not be ready until we are married or are in a relationship that is for the most part permanent.

There is an inherent battle in all humans that pit lustful desire against survival of the fittest. It is only in the taming of our egos that we can overcome this battle. Our egos desire and our weak minds give in. Over time we convince ourselves that sex is OK for casual encounters. We as a society tell our children to abstain from sex while all the while we place sexually explicate TV commercials geared to 12 year olds in every part of their lives.

Our egos tell us that “if I want sex I should have it!”, but if we act out of turn we are labels sex offenders. The act of sex is a very personal thing and you have no right to another’s body without consent. In other words, take your ego out of sex and act in the interest of everyone. If you let your desires rule you, you will come to no good, but if you control your ego, your emotions, your desires, you will find the right path.

I have been no saint in my life, but I have been faithful for 35 years to my wife. There have been opportunities to stray, but I think in the context of “WE” and not “ME”! My ego set aside, my desires in check, and my emotions put in their place. Sex is a fact of life and a strong motivator. It is fun, exhilarating, pleasurable, and most of all, it makes us feel needed. I am also no expert on the subject, but I have seen a lot of good and bad things happen because of poor sex choices.

Be comfortable with who you are, be proud of who you are, be secure with who you are, and sex will find you in its right time with the right person. Sex will change people who have had it unrestricted to “[strike]conventional[/strike] conservative wisdom”, but because it is EGO driven, it usually ends bad.

For me it's hugely important. I go bonkers when I don't have any. And by that I mean "mean" and violent. Like a woman on the rag but ten times worse.

For me, it's not all that important.

However, I was a virgin when I got married at 24 years old and 8 months. The only change anyone noticed about me was a physical "glow".

That said, I have heard a number of people make the statement that getting laid will make someone more at ease and less of a (insert negative descriptive word here).

I think it's a myth, I've never noticed any changes in people after they had sex in a long time (and that's after a 14 month deployment where the soldiers I spent my time with had little to no time to cheat on their wives- and then also being around the ones that did.

I think my opinion won't be a popular one at all based on the answers already given, but here it goes anyway..
I think that sex is part of a relationship that people get hung up or stuck in. I'm talking about the very frequent, long lasting type of sex. I know no one who agrees with me on this, either.
Here's a better example: when you first meet someone just holding their hand is intense, it moves on to kisses, making out, saying "I love you", doing everything but sex and enjoying the intense feelings you have for each other, and then sex - and when you first start having it, you're probably having a lot of it and then some people get upset when that slows down.
I think the slowing down is a progression of a relationship. I think people get too caught up in "how it used to be" and forget that things have been changing since the beginning.
I don't think sex is important. I think there are other things far better, more fulfilling, and much more meaningful.

I am a virgin still at 21 so it is not a part of my life. I havent really been like my friends to procreate with any girl in reach :lol: I feel when it will happen to me it will happen.