Attachment

thomaswfaulkner wrote: We have to maintain that relationship either because we don't want to hurt that person or we don't want to be alone. You are worth more than the credit you give yourself. Once we start to realize that, then it becomes much more likely that we can foster those healthy relationships with others while not sacrificing ourselves in the process.

That‘s how it feel sometimes - either you end things and risk being alone (and hurting other people) or you keep suffering and accept that the development of your personal happiness may be hampered. Or you decide that even a relationship in which you suffer sometimes is still worth maintaining because it, too, can give you a certain degree of happiness.

I‘m somewhat of the conviction that the only thing permanent to oneself is oneself. So permanent happiness can‘t really be found from external sources, such as attachment. However, attachment, especially in relationships, has the tendency to overpower personal convictions and rational thought (at least in myself)

Carlos.Martinez3 wrote: Can there be interpersonal relationships completely free of attachment? In ways that don‘t involve completely giving up on a relationship?
Have you ever seen this ... this beast this idea this ... have you seen any one live this example . Have you seen this with your own two eyes in use ?

I have not. I‘m not saying it doesn‘t exist, but so far I haven‘t been able to realize this for myself.

Proteus wrote: So let's put this into perspective...

First, many people think that a relationship is something that you work on. Little do they realize, a relationship is something that works on them. The relationships we hold with other people have the nature of bringing out the most intimate, personal, and therefore sometimes ugly aspects of who we are - things that are buried quite deep down and that only those we are closest to are able to bring out of us. It is through those surfaced aspects of us that we are able to be the most honest about things we have to work on, where we can improve, and how we truly feel about someone/something.

In this same way, I think attachment is actually an important part of this process. It is a catalyst for helping the truest most honest parts of ourselves be able to surface for us to see and I think its through that opportunity that we can learn the most about who we really are, especially in times that we would otherwise want to lie to ourselves. The state of our attachment can tell us a great deal about where we our in our lives and in our understanding of love toward ourselves most importantly, but toward others just as easily.

So attachment could be seen as a means for personal development, even catharsis. I believe you‘re right - and also about the hard part being how to handle what is set free by attachment. However, I‘d also argue that attachment itself can lead to extrinsic crisis - which of course also needs to be handled by the individual. There‘s a thin red line about this.

Manu wrote: I feel people have become a bit obsessed with the idea of attachment due to the way Buddhism has been portrayed in the media. The Buddhist monk is always shown as supremely wise and supremely powerful while they meditate isolated from the world.

With an emphasis on how its portrayed, yes. Core Buddhist philosophy considers external dependency as a hindrance on the way to find lasting inner peace. The argument being that external influences (which includes relationships), are impermanent and thus can‘t lead to anything truly lasting. However, that doesn‘t mean that attachments is fundamentally unwanted. As long as the implications are now and it can be handled, it‘s more of a neutral thing.

Cyan Sarden wrote:

Carlos.Martinez3 wrote: Can there be interpersonal relationships completely free of attachment? In ways that don‘t involve completely giving up on a relationship?
Have you ever seen this ... this beast this idea this ... have you seen any one live this example . Have you seen this with your own two eyes in use ?

I have not. I‘m not saying it doesn‘t exist, but so far I haven‘t been able to realize this for myself.

Some times in life .. some times in our path - we seek somthimg out and often times we can not physically find it. As you said that doesn't mean it doesn't exist... often times this means and the opportunity comes to... make it . In layman terms your gunna have to create it on your own if you wanna see it . When you can't find the character you seek some times we have to display it for the first time. I can recall countless moments I had to act like somthimg I've never been or seen.
Only to Peter----Its Kinna like- being dad- we all know how we want to act and what we think a dad should be - can't ever find it so we want to be better but don't know who or even how and then - we take away the pacifier - or give a few more strategic hugs or even --- just NOT yell where we want to and we begin to display a father figure that never existed-same with love and all those other things we tend to "develope" as we learn and grow. It's like some one once said - be the change you wanna see in your life.
In this case you may have to act it out and try it out to become what you have not found yet. Love ya brother