The balance between stability and movement

Good morning all.

Something that has been on my mind pretty much all my life is trying to find a balance between two extremes of joy. Please understand that I am perfectly aware that this is a "first world problem" (as one of my co-workers calls it), but for me it causes excessive stress and depression.

Since I was a child, I have been fascinated with and motivated by change. I wanted to pick up a few things and ride off to places far away, to see a different place every couple of weeks or even each week. To be constantly in motion when not asleep, to travel the world, or at least my little part of it, driven by the restless nature of a gypsy. I swear if a carnival had come my way when I was fresh out of the military I would have jumped on board with the clothes on my back and nothing else. I was already living in a car with my two dogs at that time, so it wouldn't have been a stretch.

And then there is the need for stability. The overwhelming need to settle, own land, farm that land, provide a stable home for my children and a place for my parents to sleep when they come to visit us. I own property, animals,(dogs, cats, goats, chickens, rabbits, horse...) and I feel like I am drowning in it all because I can't leave ever...

The good days are when I dig into the soil on my property and feel its richness infuse my spirit. The love I have for each living thing and the close connection that enriches the stability of it all. The satisfaction of holding down a job that pays enough to run a household on its own, and that has long term security.

The depressive days are the ones when I can hardly stop the urge take my children and run as far away as fast as I can. Feels like a clock ticking down before my body is broken enough that I can no longer enjoy the experiences I could gain by traveling, meeting new people, and seeing new places. When the stagnation feels like a form of emotional torture. At those times, having the type of life I do feels like simply fulfilling societal and familial obligations and expectations.

My combat of this issue is to move things around in my house on a regular basis to keep it from feeling the same constantly. I also take drives sometimes, but there is only so much time in a weekend and I really want to Experience new places, not drive through them and take a picture to remember them by.

I am sure I can't be the only one, so my question to those of us out there (and anyone else who has interest or advise on this) how do You find balance? How to you satisfy two very different emotional wants like this?

Thanks!

Right off the bat, I don't have an answer for you. I do, however, identify and empathize.

I lived in vehicles for a while, and outdoors in parks and such. I remember having no roots, being able to skip town or state in a few hours. And I remember my time abroad.

And now, I have a wife, son, dog, and home. I have a 40 hour a week job. And I love those things, but I miss moving. I miss sleeping rough. It helps that I'm 40 and feel too old for that s$*t. But, on my spry days, I miss new places, if you take my meaning.

I can have a lot of different things out of life, but not all at once. I'm not sure if that goes away. I do know that sometimes I felt trapped when I had nothing around me but a tent and a blanket. I can't just uproot right now. But I can try to sort myself out.

You sound a lot like my wife. Haha! She has the same conflicting feelings. She want's to farm and raise animals and all that but she wants to travel and see the world. She'd love nothing more than to pack up and hit the road some days and yet she also wants that cabin in the mountains which we never have to leave.

As with many things that seem to be contradictions I believe that they do in fact exist in unison and it is possible for us to have both. I believe that one can have roots and yet fly.

One thing my wife and I like to do is take small trips and long weekends. We don't have to travel far, even just a few hours from home can feel like you're across an ocean.

I stem from Roma gypsy , its 4 generations ago , we call it the( travellersvirus the Sinti call it i believe ), zigeunerdrang , it cooks inside me , and i can very often not stand the idea of living in a house ...so i feel you and i i also have no answer.

I went to 6 different schools in the first 6 years of schooling, across 3 states, one side of the country to the other, and didn't stop there either... so I also tended to have what is called 'itchy feet' here. But on the flipside I trained early on to operate and live within confined spaces for my dream job of being a fighter pilot or astronaut, so..... I'm just strange like that

I used to just go exploring in my car, more of a journey then destination though - but after a while I perhaps have run out of places I could realistically reach... so I went into computers and imagination I suppose ~ non-physical constructs - transporting the experience of reality into other "less real" realms as much as possible till the lines get blurred. I don't mean to suggest escapism is particularly healthy, but anything done constructively can have some objective measure which brings with it at least some learning experience (so I tell myself) haha.

So I now view our emotions as emerging from a divided stream of processing; with a majority pre-processed by the subconscious which emerges into our conscious experience for further abstraction and contemplation before it finally gets drawn into our decision making matrix - which most people usually exert a accept a measure of responsibility and ownership over. So with emotions I look into that stream to understand the causative influences to take a bit more control over how I feel, rather then being led by them - what is the seed causing that particular plant to grow into the fruit of conscious feeling. Sticking to that theme, it's not always possible to go underground and see the seed but its often possible to look at the trunk and branches forming and realise we might have a few fences stuck in the mud and getting in the way of what might be the most productive plant pathway of growth. So sticking to garden theme, I find I'm both able to control the flow of water out of the hose, but also direct where that water goes. The downside is of course it allows a greater awareness of the hose which itself can mean a stronger experience of when it does get out of hand... but it seems fair that with rewards comes risks.

Short of all that, another solution might be to make sure where you live does not have line of sight to all owned areas, as this way you will not feel caged in through the visual pathway of perception - assuming its curiosity driving it. Whether it be walls, hills, plants sometimes the creation of distinctly separate and private spaces can help change ones manner of perception by changing the environment ie changing the soil for which those emotions are growing out of. Probably a type of distraction more then anything, but helpful distractions are helpful!!!! Or if the cause was fear of responsibility or inability to cope with complexity then I'd just work on small steps focusing on positive reinforcement and not beating oneself up when things go wrong - for example mistakes are the most valuable learning experiences and can be be held in that positive light instead of used to tear a person down - as its important to think positive, the loudest voice is the one we whisper to ourselves.

The sum of all this is my energy is more within me, and more in tune with myself and as a result wherever I am becomes a reflection of that light. I don't need to change my location to change my experience anymore, instead I just change my experience (from within).

I'm me , now is everything I am. I am a fist fighting street selling medic trained war weary lover extraordinaire . Lyer ,cheater , father, son , friend and every label you can think of all .... Right here. And there where u r . Our balance , our ability to be every single thing at the same time is somthing I pride my self as a Jedi to be able to claim . Syncretism is the word . The ability to be every thing at the same time ... Blew my mind . What blew my mind even more is when I realized I don't have to be one singular thing ... This " there can only be one" has made its way into our actual thought and I for one don't subscribe to not any longer . I am a few of Jose things you explained ... I have o c d , real , OCD not a term I use to some hip new trend ... And I have not only over come it but I have directed its " randomness" to direction and changed the definition of the beast as a whole.
It is possible and it happens every day in difrent homes and hearts and in difrent ways but be sure friend , it is possible.
As we teach here, SEEK and you will find friend you WILL find your balance or ... Make it ! Hope this helps

emotions are a curious thing. i have struggled with them in the past, and tend to err on the side of over-controlling them rather than allowing them to 'run free' or whatever the case may be.

as to balance, it seems that you are seeking things, chasing happiness. all i can suggest there is to be more present. where you are, what you are doing. take note of its import. if it isnt what you would prefer to do, why are you doing it? what are you really chasing?

buddhism teaches that the root of suffering is desire, this endless chase for things, for more. learn to control that.

i know i didnt really answer your question. just wanted to post on an interesting topic. cheers

It may indicate a weakness, but even reading that there are others that share the same "itchy feet" or "zigeunerdrang" (whew, that one is a mouthfull!) out there makes it easier to deal with. For me it is like the difference between knowing that there is rain coming down outside and going out to let it hit my upturned face.

Cabur: I hope it is ok for me use only your first name. It feels overly familiar, but I am hoping it is ok here. Reading each response has helped me to take a deeper look inside and hunt for that root problem. I know that part of it is regret for not having taken greater advantage of travel time before I invested so much into the stable side of life. I actually enjoyed my time living in the car with the dogs quite a bit. Doing so alone got to me after a while though, so I got myself a job building boats and bought a small house (back when minimum wage could let you do that, when they would approve anyone for a loan under $100,000). I still miss the sense of newness coming into a place I have never been though, knowing that I will have to work hard and find a niche. I totally understand that longing for new places.

Goken: I have been thinking hard on all of the replies here so far and am intrigued by the idea of spicing up my stable home life with some small travel each year. Like a week or two away from home, just once per year to see somewhere new. It would lack the spontaneity, but it just might be one part of the balancing act! It is all about balance right? Hunting that balance. Makes me wonder about the possibility of making a career change to something more stimulating. Less of seeing the exact thing every single day, of fighting the same stop lights or cringing at the same blind intersection between work and home, shuddering when I see the broken glass every few weeks.

MartaLina: I am pretty sure that I have some distant relation with the Roma as well as Native American blood. My mother says we do on her side for both, something from our Russian heritage, but I have never had close connection outside my immediate family (see mom, dad, and younger sister). My mother was one of many children and my father's family outed him when he married my mother. It is what it is, but it makes it hard to learn family history if one is inclined! It does indeed feel like there is a feeling, a need, cooking inside my gut and it works its way into my chest and I can't ignore it some days! I have never heard it described in that way before. I will be sharing with my Mum there!

Adder: I do engage in a bit of escapism. Warcraft or falling into a good book regularly are my favorites, but both can be easily set aside and are not changes to my life (although there Are books that alter my perception of life in general). Am pleased to say that it is not about running away from responsibility for me, more like running toward new experience, to learn anything new, to challenge myself and see if I can handle the hurdles that pop up. I have the philosophy that the day I stop learning is the day I start (mentally) dying. When nothing stimulates my mind for days and days it gets overwhelming. I only own a small plot of land, 5 acres, but it is wooded on one side and I sit out there on a regular basis to try and find some calm. I had to move out of the city as fast as I could because the constant crush of noise could be too much at times as well. Kind of embarrassed to type back in such a haphazard manner when your post was so focused...

Carlos: I hope it is ok if I use only your first name as well. It has always been hardest for me to see myself, being on the inside. Having you point out the bit about being able to be more than one thing at a time was one of those "oh yeah... why didn't I think of that" moments. Something so simple as accepting that as fact instead of trying to fit into a small labeled box every day was not a thought that occurred on its own. I don't claim to have OCD, but there are times, like a Manic phase, when I can't seem to get my thoughts out of my own head... to stop them from drawing like a strong magnet to a particular issue bouncing around in the mind. Sometimes I use it, mostly when I sculpt, to make sure I get the project finished even though I lose a lot of sleep with that level of focus. I will literally work myself into full mental and physical exhaustion and then collapse for a few hours only to start up again the next day after 8 hours of rest. I joke around with my co-workers that I would exist on 32 hour days better than the current 24.

Desolous: I openly admit that the hardest part of the Jedi code for me is "Emotion, yet Peace". Falling into the Myers-Briggs spectrum right in the middle of INFP and INTP, I struggle with repressing/controlling my emotions. It ends up being "Search for Peace through the cloud of Emotion" with limited success sometimes weekly. With guidance and examples from the people I am meeting here, I am hoping to grow ever more into someone better, more balanced and at peace with myself so that I can be a peace with what is around me. Keeping my mind more on the now, while still being mindful of the future consequences of my choices, should be a really good start... I thank you!

I really want to thank everyone that has posted to me so far! Never fear, I was not under the impression that anyone would magically solve my problem or give me the answer with no work, but sometimes a nudge in the right direction can start that snowball growing right? I guess a feeling of solidarity with others dealing with it, and the very real examples of ways that others have dealt with/are dealing with this and similar issues feels uplifting! I was not in a frantic mess when I wrote my initial post, simply gripped in an internal conflict that I was having trouble breaking though. Thank you again for helping me to navigate it and to step outside my mind to view some possibilities!

This reply may be a little late. I empthize and to be honest at this moment of my life I have very realilistically considered selling the majority of my things and just leaving to where I don't know. Let's call it moutain hermit syndrom...........My fater saw the world under different circumstance but always commented about how moving around every year was much like him when he was about my age. mid-20's - early 30's.

When I did kinda stick to one place in St. Louis with my Ex we did a lot of travel , the long weekend things. But much like Adder I found myself often just driving. to where I never knew. I spoke once with my father about this here was his words of wisdom, some of this had to do with trying to begin recovering from my addiction to alcholol but it went something like this, "A table is still a table no matter where you move it in the world." I's either symbolically strong or I have chosen to make it so in my mind I dont really know. I think that for some of us the need to keep moving is always going to be there. The balance of it is very difficult to find and i admit I am as lost as you albet wih fewer attachments to hold me here. So, I guess it is that the balance it to accept that in some way there is no balance here. the desire is inheriant due to causes ect. but the control of the desire even when it becomes passionate is the key, short trips do really help alleviate the desire though. I hope that made snse and im not just spouting gibberish........: )

Drifa,

I understand your dilemma. I joined the Army to travel the world and save for a college education, but ended up with a wife, and kids, and very little travel. Lucky for me (and this applies to you as well) I settled in the Pacific Northwest, and now have a home and full time job; surrounded by kids and grandkids that take up most of my time.The drifter in me still comes out from time to time, but the roots I have set down don't allow me to pick up and move like the nomadic spirit in me wants.

The solution for me is to get out and explore my surroundings. Cabur, my teaching master, and I have been discussing this in my apprentice journal about how lucky I am to live in the PNW with such an abundance of resources. So here's some recommendations on how to feed your inner gypsy without picking up roots, from a fellow Washingtonian:

Because you live on the south side of the Salish Sea, here are some things in your neck of the woods:
Northwest Trek - lots of cool animals to see;
The Ape Caves - No apes were involved, but the lava tubes formed by Mt St Helens is like stepping into another world;
The Hoh Rain Forest - full of energy and one of the most beautiful places in our state;
Take a drive to Long Beach or Ocean Shores, and drive out on the beach and listen to the waves;
For some German culture, visit Leavenworth, it's almost like visiting the Alps;
for some British culture, visit Victoria BC, have high tea and watch the changing of the guards;
spend a weekend in the San Juans, time comes to a crawl, unless you're racing to catch a ferry, the islanders call it Island Time!

There's plenty of small towns and distinct cultures here, and for me, it only takes a day off to go and immerse myself into one of them, to appease the wanderlust,