Is apologizing weakness?

True. Then again relationships that cause offenses and require apologies aren't really all that valuable to begin with. This being said there are relationships that aren't valuable as a relationship, but have other benefits, for example in business... But if we go this route we're just going to end up discussing egoism, just like in the other apology thread

ren wrote: True. Then again relationships that cause offenses and require apologies aren't really all that valuable to begin with. This being said there are relationships that aren't valuable as a relationship, but have other benefits, for example in business... But if we go this route we're just going to end up discussing egoism, just like in the other apology thread

Yeah, I almost just posted this in that thread but didn't want to derail it. It makes sense that it would end up in almost the same place. :laugh:

ren wrote: True. Then again relationships that cause offenses and require apologies aren't really all that valuable to begin with. This being said there are relationships that aren't valuable as a relationship, but have other benefits, for example in business... But if we go this route we're just going to end up discussing egoism, just like in the other apology thread

I agree...

If, in the case of you and I, if either of us required one, it would NOT be a good relationship...

Neither of us do, yet both (I am giving you the benefit of the doubt, but have no evidence at this time... Despite what might commonly be thought/said of you, I think you are a pretty terrific guy, lol)...

Yet both of us have offered apologies, yet neither of us required it... Both being of mind that we are not so sensitive that it is required...

Even in business, you offend a sensitive partner, who has what you want, your deal may go out the window... lol...

Sometimes I find myself apologizing even when I haven't offended someone, rather its just because of my performance not meeting my expectations - that could be seen as a literal 'sign' of weakness I think yes - weakness in my own performance, but I think apologizing to someone else who has been offended is a sign of strength, in terms of empathy and commitment to continuing the deepening of the relationship. I am referring to genuine apologies though, a fake apology is just another manipulation which I interpret as weakness.

[/quote]My thinking anyway, but I think there are more than a few rude people here anyway, lol...[/color][/quote]

and in MHO not very Jedi of them as I understand and expect a Jedi to be.

Just a quick, somewhat related, interjection. I thought it might be of some interest.

Where I live, saying 'sorry' is equivalent to 'excuse me' or 'pardon me' (similar to certain cities in the UK and Canada, I believe). I say 'sorry' frequently, and my aunt (who lives in a nearby town) has suggested that this is a weakness and that I shouldn't apologize so much. However, in truth this is a cultural misunderstanding based on how the word is used.

The slight difference in meaning and its common usage in the local dialect take away a bit of the word's significance too, so an actual apology usually requires more consideration and commitment than just the words "I'm sorry." I kind of like this, though, as it has encouraged me to foster a greater level of sincerity and responsibility where my words and actions are concerned.

I think, and many have such as much but not in so many words, that it is not about the fact that you're apologizing but rather how you apologize.

At my internship we taught children how to do a three-step apology:

1. Apologize for the behavior that was out of line
2. Ask what the offended party would like to have happen to make amends
3. Offer the choice of one of three: handshake, high five, or a hug

I think apologizing is a weakness if and only if the need to apologize does not include the recognition of wrong doing and an effort to avoid making the same mistake again.

Jestor wrote:

ren wrote: True. Then again relationships that cause offenses and require apologies aren't really all that valuable to begin with. This being said there are relationships that aren't valuable as a relationship, but have other benefits, for example in business... But if we go this route we're just going to end up discussing egoism, just like in the other apology thread

I agree...

If, in the case of you and I, if either of us required one, it would NOT be a good relationship...

Neither of us do, yet both (I am giving you the benefit of the doubt, but have no evidence at this time... Despite what might commonly be thought/said of you, I think you are a pretty terrific guy, lol)...

Yet both of us have offered apologies, yet neither of us required it... Both being of mind that we are not so sensitive that it is required...

Even in business, you offend a sensitive partner, who has what you want, your deal may go out the window... lol...

to reflect what others have said since, I do think there are different kinds of apologies. If I screw up, and by this i mean that i consider one of my actions to be "not right", I will apologize to the people whom I think were affected, but not because their feelings are hurt or anything like that, but because, as someone else said, i am disappointed in myself. It can be something big, or something small.

I guess I look at apology as a form of recognition of a problem (which is the first step toward a solution), and to quote it again ( I really like this quote ) "your problems with me are not my problems, those are your problems" -- Azealia Banks. I don't offer apologies if I don't have a problem.

Some people see an apology as a weakness and refuse to give one where it might be expected, for fear that it somehow undermines them.

Some people see an apology as a strength, and hand them out too freely for them to be believed.

I believe an apology is a social transaction. It is the emotional payment of an emotional debt, meant to balance the ledger. If you owe one, pay it. If you are owed one, seek it.