Sex Talk and Q & A

Trisskar wrote: Until said Teen leaves the parents house. They should be under Parental watch, care, rules, and guidelines.

I plan to be the one to introduce my daughters to Porn. To sit there and watch it with them. And by that time...I dearly hope they understand "Its the internet not Reality."

Internet cannot be censored. Porn Should not be censored. Children and Teens can however be taught critical thinking and asking questions

And it never hurts to introduce them to communities like the Jedi who can help them without the awkwardness of Parents. Specific Sex Education Sub Forums and places where the child and teen can be aware of safe questioning. Just Jedi for example as a Sex Education section which allows you to post Anonymously.

Provide the child/teen with tools to learn

Sometimes with both parents working and teens with their own smartphones or computers in their rooms, constant supervision isn't always done. Plus, teens will always find a way to slip under the radar - I remember I did, ha ha!

That being said, I do agree that education is they key, but we ("we" being society) have to stop being so squeamish about sex. I think our generation is worlds away from our parents' when it comes to open discussions about sex, but we still have a long way to go, and meanwhile, people are still turning to porn without the benefit of critical thinking either due to the ignorance of youth, or poor education.

Yes. Teen's will always find a way. I did too.... ended up leaving my parents home for a guy who claimed to of "Loved" me over the internet.

Crap happens.

The trick is learning how to handle these crappy encounters. All we can do is build strong families and strong communities.

Heck....I remember one place I learned Sex Education was Gaia Online haha....

Here in my house we have books like "The Sex Bible" and "Tantra" and other sex educational books laying around freely, out in the open, for any kid to grab and view. We have deemed these books as useful and safe and hope it provides an indirect way for them to "Pick it up" when they are older.

To add a male voice into the conversation I agree that it needs to be about earlier education. Not just about Sex but about critical thinking, as Trisskar pointed out. Kids need to learn to question things, especially on the internet. They also need to learn that they can ask their parent's about anything. Or even if it's not their parents, they need to have someone that they can talk to that will be open and honest with them.

My parents never really had the sex talk with me that I remember but I was taught to think about things and question the validity of the internet. This meant that when I discovered porn (once again, before I was 18. You'd think they'd know that even people under the age of 18 can click "Yes, I am 18" ) I was able to pretty much figure out that it wasn't how things actually worked. Plus, being naturally very shy and never wanting to do anything that my partner may not enjoy I didn't really try anything sexually without asking my partner first. I learned pretty quickly that it was different.

I understand what you said earlier, Leah, about feeling guilty sometimes while watching porn. Porn is one of those weird things that exists in a weird haze of moral ambiguity. Consenting adults will do what consenting adults want to do, but it does seem to promote some things that we don't always want promoted. It can have a negative impact on a person's life if they start to think that it represents real life. In my opinion, it should be viewed like a regular movie in terms of understanding it's basis in reality. If real life were anything like porn I'd never order a large sausage pizza again. :laugh: Is it entertaining, at times. Is it real, no.

As far as not wanting to feel as though you're contributing to the parts you don't like by watching any of it (thus encouraging them to make more of it) about the only thing that you can do is not watch the ones that represent stuff you don't like. It's not much, but that's about it. It will exist, there's nothing we can really do but avoid it ourselves and watch the ones that don't promote the negative things.

Yeah, I'm definitely more concerned for those who simply don't have the critical thinking to realize that, no, generally women don't like it if you treat them that way. Or, no, a woman's pleasure actually IS important. Let's be honest, common sense is not so common anymore, ha ha!

I also got that critical thinking growing up, despite not having real sex education, and even then, it took a long-term supportive partner with a sense of fun and curiosity and a lot of trial and error before realizing that porn behaviour wasn't normal. I was one of the lucky ones.

Miss_Leah wrote: Is there a way to reconcile pornography as a useful tool with the destructive messages its developed into with the explosion of (often unsavoury) online content now available? Can better sex education counteract the negative stereotypes and unrealistic expectations expressed in today's porn?

A lot of the online pretend non-consensual themes play into the harmful aspects of the human sexual psyche (possessiveness, aggression), but if one wants to play with fire (be selfish) don't wonder why one runs out of things to burn (real friends). Otherwise, the majority of porn I've seen is just about excitation of that part of the nervous system, for whatever reason, and therefore should be treated by the user like any other 'drug'.

I'd probably just point out the actual context, that porn is most usually desperate people doing basically anything for the money in which case it's a bit of a freakshow (in the nicest possible way), and that it's perhaps better to consider porn not even as sex, but just porn, and porn is most definitely not love or love making (well, most of it isn't IMO). So yea, I do not even consider it sex, sexualized theatre maybe by really bad actors
:blink:

Miss_Leah wrote: Yeah, I'm definitely more concerned for those who simply don't have the critical thinking to realize that, no, generally women don't like it if you treat them that way. Or, no, a woman's pleasure actually IS important. Let's be honest, common sense is not so common anymore, ha ha!

Very true. But you can do nothing about that except for influencing those in your intimidate circle. something my husband once said that I loved very much. Change dosn't start with one big circle. But a thousand little ripples starting from yourself.

I also got that critical thinking growing up, despite not having real sex education, and even then, it took a long-term supportive partner with a sense of fun and curiosity and a lot of trial and error before realizing that porn behaviour wasn't normal. I was one of the lucky ones.

I think that is how most women and men learn. Through their partners and actual experience of it. Him and the two book series he introduced me two. From his and the books influances, I learned to search and seek out more.

Trisskar wrote: Very true. But you can do nothing about that except for influencing those in your intimidate circle. something my husband once said that I loved very much. Change dosn't start with one big circle. But a thousand little ripples starting from yourself.

I LOVE THIS. It's so true

this should link to the "is your penis normal size" topic lol

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if you want to find it you can find "women friendly" porn and couples porn and porn that is made with the intent of being more like real sex

i may have even heard of the existence of online communities dedicated to couples filming and sharing their own real sex and love making

im sure if such a thing exists, those interested can find it

imo the best way to "combat" the negative side of porn is to invest in its positive potential by making your own

OB1Shinobi wrote: imo the best way to "combat" the negative side of porn is to invest in its positive potential by making your own

Unless you are too self concious (like me) to show off your body like that haha!! I used to do "Commissions" for people which included educational examples.......After two kids....No thanks

OB1Shinobi wrote: this should link to the "is your penis normal size" topic lol

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if you want to find it you can find "women friendly" porn and couples porn and porn that is made with the intent of being more like real sex

i may have even heard of the existence of online communities dedicated to couples filming and sharing their own real sex and love making

imo the best way to "combat" the negative side of porn is to invest in its positive potential by making your own

#1: I don't think that it should be assumed that men generally don't watch porn which features intimacy or romanticism unless it's with a woman.
#2: Um what? Make your own? While I'm not opposed to that if that's what gets you off, I'm not sure that making you own porn in the best way to combat negative porn stereotypes I'm against "bad porn" and very open about my sexuality and my sexual nature, but that doesn't mean I want millions of people to see my punani on the internet. Especially since I am looking for a new job at the moment