Sex Talk and Q & A

Brenna wrote: But then, even that isnt a conversation I've ever had. Do men mind being given a little direction?

As long as you don't start with "That was terrible..." or something like that I think most men would welcome a little direction. At least I have no problem taking direction in that regards. My ultimate goal is to do whatever will feel the best for both of us (which is not always possible to achieve at the same time so you've gotta' mix it up a bit). If you say something else would feel even better then I'd like to know about it. I can only guess that other men feel the same.

Brenna wrote: Do men mind being given a little direction?

in a situation where the man actually cares about the woman and the relationship, knowing that he is satisfying his partner is one of the most exciting and important elements of sex, definitely, and i would say of romantic love also

imo

if the message that is heard is "youre not good, maybe you should/you need to do this" then thats a killer for the self esteem, which kills the libido

if the message that is heard is "youre great! especially/i really like when/if you do this" lol that works and it makes things better for everyone

I am young, I know. You may give me flack for being so young and having sexual experience so I will say it at the gate that I practice safely, still wth the partner I have only had sex with, whom I hold very dearly to my heart. With that said, we do talk about sex. We ask if there is anything that can be better, new, anything like that, because we understand that it's something that we believe is a spiritual thing, and activity of love. So, we want to make it a good experience for both.

It's not always the most comfortable situation, especially when you are talking about something new which you aren't sure the other partner's comfort with, or if you are modifying something you already do. But, it must be talked about.
We found that we must accept change and if it's something we aren't sure if we like, we try it in a safe environment, and if one of us doesn't like it or isn't comfortable with it, we scrap it, then move on.
It's a hard things to do, but it's necessary.
Talking about it could even mean freeing one of insecurity. There may be an instance where one person isn't as much in the mood as the other is one time, or maybe it's been a while or whatever, and the other one feels unappealing. Talking can get rid of misconceptions like that, and strengthen the relationship.

I have to agree with Competent, the conversation about sex is something that all the couples must have. Specially the younger ones, because they are starting in this business and as rookies they are starting to feel new things and trying to getting better, but unfortunately men and also women are not fortune tellers so the couple must talk what they like or do not like. When this conversation is done, believe sex is going to be even better. I said this on own experience and by experience I also think and watch that younger couples have this conversation more easy, I don't know if it is by the loss of tabu in this generation or knowing that both are rookies and want to improve.

Also by the other side I think that the older people or older couples just try to avoid this subject or conversation I personally believe that is because they are not rookies anymore and have fear that if they ask or something will be the ridiculous in the relationship and also the "ego" won't admit that you are a rookie and need to ask things about sex. But they don't know what they are missing, because knowing exactly what your couple wants give you an advantage and it will be your wisdom to use that advantage in certain point of the sex act, and also if your couple knows what you like, you just have to wait and enjoy the surprise. Either way you win, but this win is achieved with conversation and communication

NEW QUESTION:

The Value of Pornography

Pornography, erotica, dirty pictures... they've been part of human subculture for millennia. Art whose purpose is to arouse.

Now, having come of age at the dawn of widespread personal computers, I've viewed plenty of porn in my lifetime - both digital and traditional. I can't deny its usefulness (when you're a single gal, it gets the job done, ha ha), but I also notice a lot of really really REALLY harmful stereotypes and practices. And this is just looking at it from the non-kinky straight girl perspective, as I don't really have much experience with other categories of porn.

I find myself frequently conflicted when I partake, and sometimes, even guilty because I feel shouldn't be supporting some of this stuff, no matter how traditionally "hot" it is. In my case, most of my uneasiness is relates to women being seen as sex objects rather than partners. I also sometimes wonder about the message it gives to men (particularly young men) about what sex is and how it should be conducted.

Is there a way to reconcile pornography as a useful tool with the destructive messages its developed into with the explosion of (often unsavoury) online content now available? Can better sex education counteract the negative stereotypes and unrealistic expectations expressed in today's porn?

You know the term "You get what you pay for."

Pornography is not made to teach or exemplify moral values. It is just two people getting their stuff off for the viewing pleasure of others (And the huge chunk of cash that comes with the popular ones) Nor should it be made for anything but that.

People need to stop with this whole "What Value does this give to me morally." - Guess what...not everything is about Positive Morals. And I mean that in as nice and communicative way as i possibly can in this matter

Porn is Porn. Expecting anything else from it is a waist of time - In my own opinion.

As a parent I can head off the images of Porn with proper education to my daughters when they are old enough by being open and communicative about all aspects of Sex.

In fact, I have been working with a friend and their 10 year old on this subject and how to teach her about the subjects....positively....without weirding her out.

I do however wish that they made more Sex Educational Films which has two consenting partners having sex and teaching about it at the same time. In one of my most favorite fantasy books, They have Live Theater shows where they teach these things. As well as prostitute (For lack of a better word) houses dedicated solely on private class's towards sexual education. These sorts of things would be AMAZING to have in our cultures.....but sadly....hard to do legally and in such an uptight, religious world we live in these days.

Just my thoughts

Trisskar wrote: You know the term "You get what you pay for."

Pornography is not made to teach or exemplify moral values. It is just two people getting their stuff off for the viewing pleasure of others (And the huge chunk of cash that comes with the popular ones) Nor should it be made for anything but that.

People need to stop with this whole "What Value does this give to me morally." - Guess what...not everything is about Positive Morals. And I mean that in as nice and communicative way as i possibly can in this matter

Porn is Porn. Expecting anything else from it is a waist of time - In my own opinion.

I don't think it's being actively used by educators or parents to impart wisdom. I'm speaking more of the passive education that comes to be exposed to it, usually at a young age, BEFORE real education has been given. For many, it's the only "sex education" they get before they even encounter their first partner. That's what I'm talking about.

Miss_Leah wrote:

Trisskar wrote: You know the term "You get what you pay for."

Pornography is not made to teach or exemplify moral values. It is just two people getting their stuff off for the viewing pleasure of others (And the huge chunk of cash that comes with the popular ones) Nor should it be made for anything but that.

People need to stop with this whole "What Value does this give to me morally." - Guess what...not everything is about Positive Morals. And I mean that in as nice and communicative way as i possibly can in this matter

Porn is Porn. Expecting anything else from it is a waist of time - In my own opinion.

I don't think it's being actively used by educators or parents to impart wisdom. I'm speaking more of the passive education that comes to be exposed to it, usually at a young age, BEFORE real education has been given. For many, it's the only "sex education" they get before they even encounter their first partner. That's what I'm talking about.

That would be the fault of the parents. I am sorry to say. If the child is being exposed to Porn before they know what it is....The parents should have broached the subject sooner and/or been more aware of their childs environment and exposures.

Its hard. I am not saying it is easy....The father of the daughter I am trying to help found out his 10 year old was exposed to and watching Porn thanks to a "Friend" who introduced his daughter to it. Things got messy.... He did not expect this to happen and thought 10 years old was still too young to have "That Talk." In this day and age though.....its plenty old enough. Sadly....

We as parents and guardians need to be teaching our children that what they see on TV, the Internet, and in books. Are not examples of their life for real. That way when they do encounter Porn, they already understand to take things with a grain of salt.

I've seen alot of porn.....Even before I had "The Talk" at age 18 (Quickie five minuet scare education) And I never assumed what I saw was "The way to do things." Because Sex aside....I knew better than to take movies and the internet seriously without first experiencing and asking questions first.

The trick is not in Porn itself. But in proper early All Around childhood education

Trisskar wrote: That would be the fault of the parents. I am sorry to say. If the child is being exposed to Porn before they know what it is....The parents should have broached the subject sooner and/or been more aware of their childs environment and exposures.

Its hard. I am not saying it is easy....The father of the daughter I am trying to help found out his 10 year old was exposed to and watching Porn thanks to a "Friend" who introduced his daughter to it. Things got messy.... He did not expect this to happen and thought 10 years old was still too young to have "That Talk." In this day and age though.....its plenty old enough. Sadly....

We as parents and guardians need to be teaching our children that what they see on TV, the Internet, and in books. Are not examples of their life for real. That way when they do encounter Porn, they already understand to take things with a grain of salt.

I've seen alot of porn.....Even before I had "The Talk" at age 18 (Quickie five minuet scare education) And I never assumed what I saw was "The way to do things." Because Sex aside....I knew better than to take movies and the internet seriously without first experiencing and asking questions first.

The trick is not in Porn itself. But in proper early All Around childhood education

I agree that young children should be monitored, but what about teens? people starting to discover sex, but who are not getting that education. School are too prudish, parents are often too embarrassed, but the internet is doing the teaching for them.

I'm not saying all teens learn about sex via porn, but a lot do, because the internet is their only source of sex education.

Miss_Leah wrote:

Trisskar wrote: That would be the fault of the parents. I am sorry to say. If the child is being exposed to Porn before they know what it is....The parents should have broached the subject sooner and/or been more aware of their childs environment and exposures.

Its hard. I am not saying it is easy....The father of the daughter I am trying to help found out his 10 year old was exposed to and watching Porn thanks to a "Friend" who introduced his daughter to it. Things got messy.... He did not expect this to happen and thought 10 years old was still too young to have "That Talk." In this day and age though.....its plenty old enough. Sadly....

We as parents and guardians need to be teaching our children that what they see on TV, the Internet, and in books. Are not examples of their life for real. That way when they do encounter Porn, they already understand to take things with a grain of salt.

I've seen alot of porn.....Even before I had "The Talk" at age 18 (Quickie five minuet scare education) And I never assumed what I saw was "The way to do things." Because Sex aside....I knew better than to take movies and the internet seriously without first experiencing and asking questions first.

The trick is not in Porn itself. But in proper early All Around childhood education

I agree that young children should be monitored, but what about teens? people starting to discover sex, but who are not getting that education. School are too prudish, parents are often too embarrassed, but the internet is doing the teaching for them.

I'm not saying all teens learn about sex via porn, but a lot do, because the internet is their only source of sex education.

Until said Teen leaves the parents house. They should be under Parental watch, care, rules, and guidelines.

I plan to be the one to introduce my daughters to Porn. To sit there and watch it with them. And by that time...I dearly hope they understand "Its the internet not Reality."

Internet cannot be censored. Porn Should not be censored. Children and Teens can however be taught critical thinking and asking questions

And it never hurts to introduce them to communities like the Jedi who can help them without the awkwardness of Parents. Specific Sex Education Sub Forums and places where the child and teen can be aware of safe questioning. Just Jedi for example as a Sex Education section which allows you to post Anonymously.

Provide the child/teen with tools to learn