I need help... fast

I am speaking to you as a young lady now. I never had an older sibling of any kind to protect me and i ended up getting hurt beyond belief. She is a teenager, so going to your parents is not the wisest option until something concrete happens. She will just hate and resent you for it. But when i was a teen girl...i would have given up my entire world for an older brother to shield me from the cruelty of others. Especially boys. So while she may not care and ignore you...it's you she will cry to and you she will thank later. Let her know how special she is to you and she will let you protect her 100 fold and actually listen to what you say. But be careful..teen girls are stubborn on the outside.

you didn't act in an extreme. You got angry, but you kept your cool, you didn't do anything that you would have to regret later. Everyone gets angry its a natural emotion, its your bodies release valve so to speak and by making this thread and posting haikus you released most of that anger, other then destroying everything you care for or hurting that guy or getting hurt by that guy.

suppressing anger may be bad too it puts that negativity back into your body so by releasing it as you did was probably the better option. Anger is destructive by nature to hold it in and boil up will only make it worse. Don't release anger as pain but to try and release it as acceptance.


your sister is 13 right that means dude won't be her last boy friend. If hes the type of guy to give people crap in school, then hes a tool. Chances are, she'll see that sooner or later and dump the guy. She'll probably go through a few of those types, before she figures out what she wants in a man. That's the thing, no one shes going to meet for awhile is going to be a man so your job as her brother is to let her venture into the world but warn her of the dangers of guys and dating and if they ever hurt her physically that's when its time to get mean and come to her defenses but if its habitual and she keeps going back then you'll be the only one to get into trouble. It would have to be something she learns on her own

Personally I don't understand or comprehend unconditional love so I don't really know why you care for her more so than anyone else.

But my advice would be to inform her but not to push her. Going to the authorities is far to extreme unless there is something seriously wrong such as abuse. I don't know your parents behaviour but that might be just as bad a choice.

I was once told not to see the girl that I loved and it is one of the many reasons that I have no sympathy or much respect for my father. Now that doesn't mean a lot to me, but it might have a lot more relevance to someone who cares more for their family.

The absolute worse thing you could do would be to tell her no. She will not listen and she'll hate you for it. Education is the best course of action.

It is her own life and you HAVE to let her lead it. give advice and offer opinions and help when it's wanted. But don't go imposing your will upon her unless she asks. People don't like being meddled with and told what to do.

As for the guy well I was that guy and personally I loved and had a lot of respect for my girlfriend and would never have done anything harsh or horrible. I don't know that guy but just remember that he might be sincere, even if you can't see it yet.

I hope everything works out for you.

Akkarin wrote: Personally I don't understand or comprehend unconditional love so I don't really know why you care for her more so than anyone else.

Thats fine. Everyone was raised differently and is different due to such childhood. I was raised in a family that constantly expressed love for each other, which is why i feel the way i do, i believe.

So while she may not care and ignore you...it's you she will cry to and you she will thank later. Let her know how special she is to you and she will let you protect her 100 fold and actually listen to what you say. But be careful..teen girls are stubborn on the outside.

Thank you. It means alot to hear that what I am trying to do can help her in the long run. While i do reaize what Aeros and Akkarin are saying, that she needs to lead her own life, and make her own mistakes, I also want to keep her from getting hurt, especially in way that i have been in the past. The way to do this, however, is not to shield her from everythign, but instead be there for her when things arent good and she just needs someone to cry on or even just to talk to.

I explained all of this to her today. While she does like this boy, she isnt having a "Physical" relationship with him, which helped me loads. I told her that I would always be there for her, and that no matter what happened in life, I would always be her Bubby, no matter the circumstances. I feel that we are closer now than we have been in the past.

Thuza Withod wrote: I explained all of this to her today. While she does like this boy, she isnt having a "Physical" relationship with him, which helped me loads. I told her that I would always be there for her, and that no matter what happened in life, I would always be her Bubby, no matter the circumstances. I feel that we are closer now than we have been in the past.

It sounds like you've handled this situation calmly and carefully. Well done! Hopefully everything will be to the greatest satisfactions of all parties involved!

Uh, I'll get behind John on this, She's 13, he's 17, any type of sexual relation is illegal and makes him a pedophile. It's not about her choice or whatever, it's the rules society has agreed upon. (And you don't need actual sex for that, a dirty picture or text on a mobile phone is enough)

Those laws exist for very specific reasons, and we've all seen it in school, the guys who go for the youger ones do so because they're easier and easily impressed by "maturity" (lol)


What I would do if I were you is calmly publicly refer to him as "the pedophile", you know, instead of using his real name. And when people ask, just say he goes for 13 year olds like your sister instead of real women.


As to those who state that she'll realize he's a douche, leave him and whatnot, think again. a: she's young. b: women/girls are attracted to douchebags because they believe they can change them somehow. And don't forget a douche is a douche, he's very capable of shagging her, then tell everyone else she's a slut. (I know, douche logic eludes me too) Now that'd be a wakeup call, but I really don't think she needs it. Of course Thuza can't force his sister to do or not do things, but that doesn't mean nothing should be done.

sadly, ren is right about people like that...it's unfortunate that there are people out there like that...

although i think calling him a pedophile publicly may be a door to trouble...legally that's what he'd likely be classified as if he does anything, but calling him one before being charged as one would likely only incite him to act out violently...usually people like that(that seek to impress younger people)are also the type to use violence as a means of impressing others with their "dominance" over others...head of the pack mentality et al...

i think Thuza handled the situation properly for the time being. only time will tell if further/more stern action will be needed...

ren wrote: Uh, I'll get behind John on this, She's 13, he's 17, any type of sexual relation is illegal and makes him a pedophile. It's not about her choice or whatever, it's the rules society has agreed upon. (And you don't need actual sex for that, a dirty picture or text on a mobile phone is enough)

I would ask you what laws actually are. It is against the law to kill people, why? Because we think it is morally wrong. It is against the law to steal, why? Because we think it is morally wrong. It is against the law to rape, why? Because we think it is morally wrong.

Laws are ways of enforcing our morals. This can be easily shown by varying lengths of prison sentences for example. Stealing something does not grant every single person who does it exactly the same punishment. Because sometimes there are more complicated circumstances for example. We take these into account when making a decision on how immoral (or indeed moral) someone has behaved.

The legal age to drink is 18 (in britain). Does that mean that EVERY single person under 18 is completely incapable of drinking responsibly? No absolutely not. Each person is different. We don't just say 'well they're under age therefore it is evil and he is horrible and she is an idiot and it will end badly, because we just assume it will'. That is ignorance in one of its purest forms.

Every case is unique, because every person involved is different. We must never just take the laws as given, because how often do laws truly portray morality? Sharia law? Burning of those being accused of witches? Everything is different.

This couple might end up being completely happy and responsible and mature and not have any problems that a normal couple would have. It's likely that the kind of uncommon problems they would have is because we are calling them problems and not because there is something actually bad happening.

How about we inform them of what we think (which Thuza seems to have done very responsibly and maturely) and then just see what happens. So you might not like it. Well who the hell are you to impose what you think upon them? Who cares what you think? What makes you right and them wrong? (this is directed at those who would take ren's position)

Don't call the relationship wrong and evil and say that he's a horrible person before they've barely begun starting to have a relationship. You're taking the position of them being guilty before any crime has been committed.

"As to those who state that she'll realize he's a douche, leave him and whatnot, think again" ren said



yes i agree to an extent most women get with douche bags its a fact of life. you also have to think how many people stay with there sweet heart after high school? i didn't know anyone i know didn't stay with mine. the fact is most people get bored around 20 21 and want to enjoy and make their twenties worth while, while they have them.

assuming you live in America.

hes 17 meaning when he turns 21 she'll be 17 meaning hes going to go out to the bars and pubs with his friends and shes going to look and act more like a woman, how many times is that going to happen before she gets fed up?

but at this point it is illegal even though its her life you don't want your sister going that what happens if the law catches wind now she has a lot more crap she has to deal with emotionally. how soon before dude turns 18?, because after that it really is wrong i don't know everyone is different I have a little sister myself who is 7 years younger then me and trust me its not easy i just tell her now is a point in her life were guys and boys should be the least of her worries you have your whole life to hunt for boys theirs on need to worry about them in a time you should be worrying about school and a financial future
i feel so bad for girls because at a young age Disney barbie MTV there are so many female singers who sell sex in there music the media knows this they make some of these singers sell this image and preteens and teens are buying it because theirs nothing else to buy directed towards them except sexual role models and girls think that is the only way to find a man

so there are more and more girls not worrying about there financial futures and how there going to be independent and having a career and there to worried about finding prince charming


so to me that's why women go for older guys and douche bags because there made to think that way

"I would ask you what laws actually are."

In a democracy, they are created for the people and their society by the people's representatives, and their purpose is to insure the good functioning of said society, usually with a fairly loose "1 size fits most" system. The american system isn't as loose as the european ones (their prison system accomodates a larger percentage of their population than ours does), however I do believe they put a considerable emphasis on freedom in that country.

"Laws are ways of enforcing our morals" There's a bit of that too, obviously... However on very hot topics like abortion, you will find quite a lot of people would never do it, yet, support other people's will to do it.


As to why it is wrong, I'll tell you why. When people speak of "chemistry", guess what, there's actual chemistry going on. A 17 year old guy with his testosterone in his head telling him to find a mate asap should be looking for tits and hips, something 13 year old girls almost NEVER have (and the accompanying chemistry). On top of that when you're 17 is when you get a car, something that gives you a lot of independence and opportunities to explore, how does a 13 year old talking about 13 year old stuff fit into that?

Her behaviour is typical female, his behaviour is typical pedo. And when nothing has happened yet, it's called grooming.


Of course, maybe I'm thinking too far ahead, however, I wonder if Thuza's parents are aware of this? And also, about the openingly calling him a pedo thing, it would mean that:
-Girls his age won't come anywhere near him anymore.
-The local moms will go berserk, he'll have to leave town or lay low for a while.