The Witness

A few rhetorical questions to start off here. Bear with me.
How many people here in the Temple struggle or live with some form of depression or anxiety?
How many of us have turned to building our minds and growing, healing, and discovering ourselves because interpersonal connections too often end in disaster?
I have done some reflecting and hopefully someone can benefit from what I have realized about The Witness. I have sabotaged numerous friendships and relationships in direct opposition with The Witness. Let's tie it in and see if you can recognize: to Anakin...ObiWan was The Witness.
Think back, is there a person or people in your life that you still hold in high regard -- even though- through some course of events they are no longer in your life? Was this person your Witness? Have they seen you at your lowest point? Unshowered, unable to even get out of the bed? Angry-unable to find joy in anything? Sad? Anxious? Overwhelmed?
It is EASY to feel shame when the eyes of The Witness are upon you; because even if you are trying to pull it together....THEY KNOW....
How can this person see you, and care about you, or claim to want to be around you when....THEY KNOW....
Too often I have found myself at a point break- where I cut everyone off and hermit myself away in my own "Pit of Despair" thinking the shame will not exist if there is no witness...but that's not real is it? Regret, and shame, and resentment reside with us there in our "witness protection" and these emotions further fuel the self loathing. So how do we break this cycle? Can we? Can we exist, kindly, under the knowing eye of The Witness?

Self reflection can reveal our selfs in ways we didn’t Intend. Part of the Star Wars ideas and even hero’s journeys around the world is sometimes you just gotta make a choice. What and how we witness are very up to us. What we call the unknown is unknown until frequency happens.



My smaller project willows. I have a maple the same way but it’s a different form of propagation. What I like about these type of projects is that there is already time and effort but the new - is still the old only, new. What is witnesses is both the dead AND the living as one piece. Our testimony can be the only proof some may get or need - so keep up the good work and continue to create new things - no matter where ya find them or no matter how they sprout - water the ones ya want to grow. Grow what you think you need and you will find them any time you need.

Some times journaling can be the witness we need - it’s us but some times .. it’s a witness that finds the balance. Just saying - Hope that helps a bit.
May the Force continue to be with you as you seek it .

Athena,

Thank you for this. I don't comment much when I think someone has says something better than I could. But, thank you.

I hope this post works as a bump this is something worth everyone seeing.

Much Love,
Kobos

I have had chronic depression since my teens in the 80's. Nothing to the degree of self harm though.

I have turned to self-help and coming to terms with living in the world by myself over the years because, yes, relationships never end well. And it's never me who leaves, and I get no explanation. Which increases depression.

I have had many Witnesses in my life who were there at the moment, helped me with that moment, then moved on. I have always called them The hierophant (tarot reference). They stay long enough to teach before parting ways. Now I do the same it seems. Nothing to be proud of. I have come to the idea that maybe I am one of those people who come and go when and where I am needed for whomever it is I run across. It's what I've come to accept as an explanation.

I connect deeply to those who cross my path and don't run away screaming. They teach what they know, I want them to stay. But then they go onward. I always thought it was my curse. What I want never stays. What I don't want does. Nowadays, I realize it's a matter of perspective. Perhaps what I don't want stays because it is still teaching me. Still, in the back of my mind I scream "but damn it! Why didn't what I want stay?! Universe! Give me 'SOMETHING'"

(chuckles) Alas, life is life.

When i say “you” it is a generic “you” which is not directed at any specific person.

—

The real witness is always yourself. You can hide yourself from other people for a long time. For a lifetime, maybe. But youre always going to have to come back to yourself, eventually. If you cant see the goodness in yourself then it doesnt matter how many other people see goodness in you: you’ll never believe them. Even the people who love you will be “The Witness” to you, not because theyre judging you but because you are judging you.

Once you are able to find a thread of value that you can respect yourself for, other people wont be able to take it away. You’ll know that it is there and that it is real. That external person who represents “The Witness” will eventually just be “The Asshole”. Not someone whose judgment can debilitate you but someone whose judgment you can scoff at because you know that they're wrong. But you have to learn to see it in yourself. Learn your own good qualities and learn how to love yourself.

We all wish that we had partners who were unwaveringly loving and supportive of us. We all wish that we had friends who were always on our side, no matter what. The unfortunate truth is that most of us dont get to experience this type of loyalty and support. We usually just get our feelings hurt because we thought we had it but we didnt. And when we realize that we didnt have it, we usually blame ourselves- even when it wasnt our fault. Thats how real life works.

You have to do your best to give yourself the love and support that you wish you could receive from others. Start being your own partner and start being your own friend. Instead of demoralizing yourself with that litany of abuse that you constantly repeat about how you’re worthless and stupid and ugly and pathetic and horrible and hopeless, and all of those other hurtful things that you say to yourself, commit to learning how to be on your own side for a change. You learned how to hate and berate yourself. You got very good at it. Now it’s time to learn how to support and encourage yourself. If you can get as good at loving and encouraging yourself as you got at hating and hurting yourself, a whole new world will open up to you. There is no one in the universe who needs your love more than you need your love. Start talking to yourself as if you are someone who you love.