Your stumbling blocks

This thread is one that I hope will see a lot of use. It is a place to list our stumbling blocks along our path and get advice from others on how to correct or avoid the mistake for the next time we run into a similar situation.

The ground rules that I would ask us to follow are:

If you are responding to someone please do so in a constructive manner

If you are listing an event with people at the Temple please do not name, names without permission

Keep any personally identifying information out of your posts for your own safety

Be open to correction here as that is the point of the thread

I will kick this thread off with a very recent event of my own:

I recently got rather nasty and argumentative with a person I looked/look up to when I got a less than kind response to a set of suggestions I sent them. I am tired and do not, in general, take what I consider to be condensation or a rude response very well especially when it comes from a person I look up to or consider a friend. As a result, I was less than Jedi like in my response. I know part of my issue is a rapid response back rather than walking off. Any other advice is welcome. Be it here or via pm

MadHatter wrote: I recently got rather nasty and argumentative with a person I looked/look up to when I got a less than kind response to a set of suggestions I sent them. I am tired and do not, in general, take what I consider to be condensation or a rude response very well especially when it comes from a person I look up to or consider a friend. As a result, I was less than Jedi like in my response. I know part of my issue is a rapid response back rather than walking off. Any other advice is welcome.

During my last job I would argue a lot with my boss. It got really heated sometimes, but she couldn't fire me because I was essential to the team (literally, they've been struggling to do what I did ever since I left). But my last half year there we stopped fighting, even tho she could still be argumentative.

This is because I would take a different approach, and perhaps it can work for your situation. I take a half second to analyse the relationship. Is this fight worth losing this person to? (Usually a fight doesn't result in losing a person entirely, but for the sake of each argument I do this) If it is not, and this I find is usually the case, then take the argument or fight as more of a debate. The human being is an amazing thing, and we often squabble over things that don't matter in the grand scheme of things. If the relationship is not worth it, then there is no point in arguing.

Now I guess a stumbling block of my own. I'm very indecisive. It took me months to decide on what saber to get, and even now im trying to chose a new hairstyle and its taking me days. I've always been like this, over analysing everything and overthinking the outcomes. With the training I'm currently undergoing I find this to be the major block (pleasure, blocked by guilt). I cannot enjoy myself because I always feel guilty that I'm going to make the wrong choice.

One of my biggest stumbling blocks is I never learn just to keep silent and just listen.

I find myself offering an opinion on even the least important of subjects especially with people who don't know me at all. It is because of this I find myself constantly being confronted by others, sometimes with great hostility. I used to be deeply wounded when this occurred but have learned that these are simply lessons from the universe I clearly can learn from. There are plenty of angry or evil people out there who enjoy inflicting pain on others. If I allow them to hurt me I feed their hunger. One of the best ways to avoid this altogether is just to keep my bloody mouth shut. Think before I say anything! One day I will learn.

I can not ask for help without apologizing to someone. Every time that I ask someone to do something (even on occasion with my mental health consumers) I have to word it in a way that does make me sound too imposing. I used to do this with my wife, Jordyn, but she sort of whipped me into shape about not doing it with her. lol

At work we have caseworker assistants/admin assistants whose job it is to file, schedule appointments, and such. I know that they get paid to do it, but when they ask me how they should schedule appointments for me, I tell them, "Oh no, don't worry about it. How silly is it that I can't schedule my own appointments? You don't have to go out of your way to help me like that." (And then the conversations goes other places.)

And when I need to request something from them, I feel like I have to tip toe around the subject. It goes like this, "Hey, [name], hey, I'm really sorry to bother you, but can I get your help really quick? I promise it will only take a minute or so. I'm sorry to bug you. Thank you for going out of your way for me. I really appreciate it." And most of the times these tasks are so small, like sending me an email or a reference document.

I've gotten better at it, but I still have the urge to over apologize and rarely ask for help.

My biggest stumbling block is I dont trust people.
I keep people at arms length and those that do tend to get through the defences give up because they dont understand why I choose to be this way.
I do like others, but wont reach out first.
I kinda gave up lol.. but can see the humor in the situation that is of my own making.

elizabeth wrote: My biggest stumbling block is I dont trust people.
I keep people at arms length and those that do tend to get through the defences give up because they dont understand why I choose to be this way.
I do like others, but wont reach out first.
I kinda gave up lol.. but can see the humor in the situation that is of my own making.

I understand how this might be frustrating, not so much to others (I honestly do not believe you "owe" others to be more open), but to yourself, when you actually want to be more open and trusting, but force of habit and perhaps fear(?) keep you from doing so.

I've been there myself before, on both ends (not opening up, and feeling shut out by someone else). All I can say is I am thankful to understand each person is different.

I like cats. I believe a cat represents well what you describe. They are beautiful and full of love, but stroke them and if they start to feel out of control, they attack you or just get out. :laugh:

Seeksthelight wrote: One of my biggest stumbling blocks is I never learn just to keep silent and just listen.

I find myself offering an opinion on even the least important of subjects especially with people who don't know me at all. It is because of this I find myself constantly being confronted by others, sometimes with great hostility. I used to be deeply wounded when this occurred but have learned that these are simply lessons from the universe I clearly can learn from. There are plenty of angry or evil people out there who enjoy inflicting pain on others. If I allow them to hurt me I feed their hunger. One of the best ways to avoid this altogether is just to keep my bloody mouth shut. Think before I say anything! One day I will learn.

A lesson that I learned when I was exactly the same way was that if you are always being confronted you might be confrontational. Its something I struggle with myself but I've gotten a lot better at it by just backing away more often than not.

I can be too nice. Too reluctant to show my emotions. Too reluctant to use my anger to my own benefit.

I have a problem with my filter, not the usual of not having one but rather mine is too dense.... part of my introversion perhaps. It would be easy if I just needed to relax... but I can meditate like a entombed mummy, so a lot of my spiritual path is about some deeper connection between cognition and emotion to enable them to 'flow', a type of mobility - for the tools I create to unpick my filter also can serve to replace it. It's not as simple as trust or confidence either, though these manifest in as a result of any detachment in social interaction which can mislead into thinking they are the cause - not to mention if they are coming from the other party for other reasons as well. Which means I cannot really use others to judge my progress.... gotta stay true to self but flexible enough to understand self is growth/change.