over sensitive VS self defense

Sensitive does not have to mean fragile, and by making that distinction the concept of strength can exist differently to them IMO.

A practice that helped me here:

When I find others getting oversensitive/defensive I ask myself, what could be triggering this? All anger is rooted in fear. What insecurity/fear have I stepped on that made them react this way? If I want or need to work with this person, or if they are a friend that I'd like to keep, I navigate the interaction that direction; work to quiet their fear or help them heal.

When I find myself wanting to react defensively and with anger, I stop myself and investigate. Why am I insecure about that? What am I afraid of that they've bumped against? I explore it, map it, get to know it better, look at all of the worst case scenarios. I start working on it and then I've got less to be afraid of. I know it, I've challenged it, I've strengthened the walls in that wing, if you get my meaning.

This is part of what we darksiders mean when we say "fear is my ally". Seek out and actively use your fears in your own development. Don't run away from them... let them make you a thing to be reckoned with

Also: those people who react a certain way to what you've said are not your responsibility unless you decide you want them to be. You always have permission to dismiss them entirely and find people who understand you properly. Be you and you'll eventually find people that speak your language.

You put over-sensitivity and self defense in the same sentence so im taking that as a cue. People who are confident that they can handle the challenges and risks that they encounter in life are less likely to be oversensitive than people who know they cannot. Which is essentilly what self defense means; being generally able to navigate the dangers of life.
If you had to describe yourself and the only words you had to choose from were STRONG or WEAK, which one would be more true than the other? People who feel themselves to be weak are almost always over-sensitive. Everything is interpreted as a threat, beause when youre weak, everything potentially IS a threat. If its more dangerous than you are capable of handling then you have very compelling reasons to constantly suspect the worst...
Is it possible that youre over-sensitive because you know that youre weaker than you have a right to be? Thats quite common, and if its the case then the best (and only) course of action will be to strengthen and toughen yourself, so that youre not the "weakest link in the chain" anymore.

Theres also anxiety related mental health issues, and "cognitive distortions". Maybe google "cognitve distortions" and see which ones apply?

Maybe spend some time investigating and exploring the topic of courage?

I'm very interested in where you see courage linking in, as a base to start my thinking from

Defensiveness often springs from fear. When fear is present, courage becomes relevant.

OB1Shinobi wrote: Defensiveness often springs from fear. When fear is present, courage becomes relevant.

Ah, gotcha. Thanks for clarifying for me