Does attachment distract us from helping others

I may have misunderstood the original question ... I took it to mean "does attachment interfere with helping others (other than the one(s) we're attached to) ?" In that case, morally speaking, both 'yes' and 'no' -- and that even without any moral infraction.

But after reading some of the other responses, I've seen a different question arise, that of "does attachement to people distract us from helping those others we are attached to ? There again the answer can be both 'yes' and 'no'. But there has to be some pretty distinct recognition of what one is doing, and an even clearer examination of one's motives ... and, especially, of one's expectations.

The first thing I would suggest is taking a pretty precise inventory of what other qualities there are about the person in question. Weaknesses sometimes aren't -- even though they seem to cause a lot of trouble. Weaknesses are often the other side of a particular strength ; in "fixing" the weakness, one would wipe out the associated strength. As Cabur said : needing to see someone else as "perfect" is already quite irrational (non-rational is fine - that is how we like others in the first place) but certainly beware of your value judgements. In fact, I would go a step further and say beware of that other person's value judgements about her/his own weaknesses and strengths. These tend to get exaggerated.

Helping others just be okay with who they are is better than trying to change anyone. That can only come about with by healthy attachment. There is also a striking difference between non-attachement (what Ryu was talking about : letting go when the time comes) and de-tachement which is akin to apathy.

As for me, in those I love, I've found that it is more how well our character flaws fit together to make a quality. The strengths combine to make a quality too. And sometimes our greatest qualities - together and individually - can come off as weaknesses, but that is only under some rather alien circumstances. For as fine a hammer as it is, it can't peel a banana ...

"Beware that in casting out your demons that you do not cast out the better part of yourself." ~ Frederic Nietzsche ... Likewise, we ought to refrain casting out the demons of others. Just love them, demons and all.

Just love them, demons and all.

Gross.


As for the OP (which I had to reread a few times, and I'm still not sure I got it right)

is attachment a distraction? Yes (whether it be to a person, sports team, or fancy coffee mug)

is it a weakness? not necessarily within and of itself, but be aware of it I suppose, and apply your logic as required when making decision where said attachment may give you bias.


At some point, everything is a distraction - I am attached to personal liberty, at times it is an embuggerance to getting things done - so be it.

Some people might be attached to the idea of not having attachments.

I imagine they'd be hard pressed to die in a restful state of mind.

All of these replies are wonderful. I have nothing to add that could possibly say any of this any better than what's been said here so far.

My attachment to this thread is a distraction, haha, but I guess it's about the relationship between priorities and focus, and how they sit with our own life and those who are involved with it. Things like responsibilities and expectations, amongst other things, would probably be the first to crack under torsion from twisting under the surface of competing priorities. Not many people can drop everything and live the rest of their life like its a honeymoon, so a relationship probably has to be able to function in more challenging environments then pure focus on each other. I'd say relationships are probably best seen as a partnership in life then attachments, but I think its really both.

RyuJin wrote: Attachment is simply the inability to let go of something when the time comes... it's not the same as an emotional bond, which is what most relationships are... But the 2 can sometimes be difficult to separate...if you can separate them then it is possible to love, and when the time comes let go if it.

This may be the best description of attachment and emotional bonds that I've ever heard. Thank you RyuJin.