The more things change, the more they stay the same ...

Technology has made me cynical of a companions love. Pretension and barely even surface superficiality wrapped around a need to fulfill the fallacious notion that we can't be happy with out someone else in our lives to validate our worth.

It is a great lie and it leads to suffering.

Such selfish love has inspired the very worst actions committed by humanity. I dislike it as much as I dislike vengeance, which is often mistaken for justice or righteousness.

Even my girlfriend understands this. Our relationship is built on appreciation for what the other is and an honesty about ourselves and our own needs. Coupled with an understanding that we can have a relationship without attachment works very well for us. If it matters, we are not physically intimate, though that is on me.

Lol

People are always telling me that you can't have meaningful relationships with people you meet online. That's it's not real somehow.

(You know who you are )

I met and fell completely in love with my husband online before I'd ever even seen his face.

Though I have personally never partaken in online dating myself I have never viewed it as a negative thing. It is absolutely possible to meet and fall in love with someone though the internet! To me love is something formed between two people because of their mutual attraction to their personalities and possibly their world views or other such intangible things so I do not see why one would be incapable of doing such a thing online.

However; I do have one tiny gripe with the whole thing. Unfortunately there are some... well, assholes in life (I feel like this isn't anything radical to say ) and depending on how one approaches online dating it can cause great harm to those emotionally invested. What I want to get at is that it can be too easy for some people to sever/fake connections online. I have had a few friends who thought that they met the love of their life online and have absolutely had their hearts torn out when one day that person suddenly stops responding to them or they find out that the person has been hooking up with other people online or their personalities drastically change one day etc, etc, etc. Now, I fully understand that all of these things happen daily to people who only date "face-to-face" as well. In fact this happens all too often "face-to-face" too. It is just that in my personal observations of those I know, it happens way more often to those who date online.

Does this mean that I don't think people should date online? NO! Not at all! Its just like anything else today, people are out there to get you and you have to take everything with a grain of salt. Sometimes I feel as though people will rush into online relationships much faster than with people "in real life". Perhaps this is because there is a lack of a bit of social anxiety of dealing with a stranger when you can't see there face. Or maybe it is for another reason entirely, who knows! It just pains me to see those I know rush into things far too quickly and really run the risk of bumping into some not-so-great people online.

Of course I suppose it is also totally possible that the experiences which my friends have had could be outliers too, I would love to hear anyone's input on the topic of if they think they run into more "assholes" online or not!

(I suppose I could have just written... "online dating is totally valid! Just be careful and treat those you meet like anyone else you would meet in person! Be careful!" :pinch: )

Alexandre Orion wrote: I'm sorry, I was unclear ... This wasn't supposed to have been a discussion on how we've met our partners, but in how technology has impacted our approach to relationships ? How have our conceptions/perceptions changed ? Have we ameliorated our chances/risks, or amplified our anxiety ?

I'm thinking of this with regard to Scilla Elworthy too ... (the "invisibility" factor) :pinch:

My approach was the "funnel". I started with 100,000 women and eliminated all the ones who weren't looking for a man to spend their life with. From the 10,000 left I eliminated the ones who don't want to have kids. From the 1000 left I eliminated all the liars, etc. Eventually I just had 2-3 that I talked to and one worked out....

This is very different from the match-making approach of dating sites. With those approaches, you wind up with someone who's exactly like you so I kept winding up with dates who were like me and we didn't want someone like us because we already know ourselves

Technology has not affected my approach to relationships. Except for all the naughty pictures that get sent to my phone, technology is not involved.

Some more lunch-time nausea ...

... and not even pregnant ! :lol: