Growing Through Conflict

Most of us don't like conflict. We usually find it perplexing, stressful and even downright destructive. So we tend to avoid conflict whenever possible.
Yet I believe that conflict is not just inevitable but also indispensable -- a uniquely valuable component of our personal and organizational lives. Without it, we lose our ability to hear new ideas and work together toward creative solutions.
After having spent time with many different churches and church groups on conflict resolution, I have come to some conclusions which might surprise you:
The problem is not the problem.
I am the source of most conflict I experience.
Without conflict, no change or growth ever occurs.

Full article: http://www.religion-online.org/showarticle.asp?title=297

Maybe conflict forces someone to participate in some measure of critical thinking and operating outside of ones comfort zone. I'm not sold that conflict is the only way to do this, but it is one way - the only problem is it brings with it a measure of vulnerability which might exceed ones capacity to grow. I guess training environments are good places to assert this in a controlled manner to effect the good growth without risking the too much backslide from those negative factors. Though.... maybe the burst of adrenaline from conflict helps us learn faster!!!!

If you don't squeeze the fruit, how can you know whats really inside? Conflict, like other forms of stress, squeezes the individual. Just like when you squeeze an orange, juice comes out, when you squeeze a person with stress, what they really are comes out, for better or worse. Pressure lets us know whats really inside, and if what we're practicing is really sticking, or if its just a superficial understanding of our own nature.


.......Or I could be totally wrong. :silly:

If you don't squeeze the fruit, how can you know whats really inside?

By carefully removing the outer layers, maybe with a knife, as opposed to letting the juices run down your arm?

A surgeon can remove my arm with a scalpel, or an ax...

Both get the job done, but, unless it is an emergency, I'll take the scalpel, lol...

:laugh: :laugh:

I will add, I have also grown through conflict...

Well, seldom through "conflict", but rather AFTER the conflict, in quieter times, when "thinking" is more conducive...

You can't sharpen the blade without putting pressure on it.

Adder wrote: Maybe conflict forces someone to participate in some measure of critical thinking and operating outside of ones comfort zone. I'm not sold that conflict is the only way to do this, but it is one way - the only problem is it brings with it a measure of vulnerability which might exceed ones capacity to grow. I guess training environments are good places to assert this in a controlled manner to effect the good growth without risking the too much backslide from those negative factors. Though.... maybe the burst of adrenaline from conflict helps us learn faster!!!!

I think your absolutely right to an extent. When we think of conflict we think external conflict and if that is what we are defining conflict as then there are other avenues for growth. Pushing yourself to try something new you have never tried before or interacting with another individual on a personal level for examples. But when we really think about those things what is it that causes us to have to push for those things. I think it is our own internal conflict. We like routine and comfort and its scary to try new things or ask that girl out on a date. Those are internal conflicts that we struggle with ourselves over. I think that's what the OP meant by the source of most of his conflict being himself. And yes there are times when that conflict will win out and we will fail to achieve some perceived self defined progress. But in the end the only true failure is to stop trying. If we never stop the struggle to achieve that next hill in the journey we will find a steady path forward to growth.

That is a great way to see things. One of many. I personally have grown thru conflict. Some choices were ...ehhh, but most of them , time did it part. I myself don't do looking for conflict. Ive had my fair share I think. lol. When it comes I am the ready waiting, like an old beaten warrior. Ive learned thru trial and error all my life till... I started meditation. That so helped me to calm and see things a little difrently. aka mindfulness meditation. keep seeking friend, your on the right rack, like me, I found what I was looking for. im sure you will. if you need anything, anything feel free to pm me. May the Force be with you still friend!

Jestor wrote:

If you don't squeeze the fruit, how can you know whats really inside?

By carefully removing the outer layers, maybe with a knife, as opposed to letting the juices run down your arm?

A surgeon can remove my arm with a scalpel, or an ax...

Both get the job done, but, unless it is an emergency, I'll take the scalpel, lol...

:laugh: :laugh:

This made me think of a quote:

- Pressure is what turns carbon into diamonds.
- Yes. But too much pressure, and it turns into dust.

Most people can handle more conflict and stress then they believe, by enduring they find their internal strength and grow from there.