It's their choice and you have a choice not to let it bother you.

By now I am sure you have already read my post I just wrote recently about my sister and her situation. My sister and I have always been close to one another growing up. I am her older brother by seven years and I have always protected her and made sure she hasn't made poor choices unless, I felt their was a lesson involved in it. My sister, I believe is planning on making one of those choices in her life and my suspicions is that she will be leaving our home shortly. Not, only does this affect myself but, it affects our home and my wife. I feel a sense of loss I know she hasn't yet gone and who knows she might not at all I would like that but, I know my sisters patterns well enough and this isn't the first time she's ran off before like this.

Loss, in the fictional world of starwars was considered dangerous to a jedi and could potentially if not dealt with right away could lead to the Dark side of the Force. Now, I understand we're not fictional Jedi and we don't live by all the same merits and rules that they did in the films but, I think there is some truths behind that. I think we're all in some cases fearful of loss. Whether it be material possession or a person. I have a job and I work hard to keep that job right? If tomorrow when I go into work and I am suddenly fired or the company goes outta business that is a sense of loss for me isn't it? Yes, I could always find another job, yes, I could always go on unemployment for a while, ect, ect. It's just a job right? Exactly! so why is it that I should view this a such a loss? Well, it could cause me to not be able to pay my bills on time for one and two could cause me to become homeless if not resolved quickly. I think it's our fleshly minds and matter that causes these things to be so important that we cannot bear to fathom not having it. A few examples, some people cannot go without their phones for a few short hours they gotta always be checking it: Social Media, girlfriend/boyfriends, ect. they cannot be without some would even rather go hungry and have their cell phones (seriously!) It becomes a dependency on theses things otherwise we feel a sense of loss. I often, even think to myself, "If I don't have my cell phone how can I call anyone? If I am gonna be late to work they're gonna wanna know otherwise it's no call no show, my wife is hurt what if she cannot reach me? an so on..." you see how it became a dependency in my mind to have a cell phone?

Now, back to the original subject. Yes, my sister may leave and I don't have a dependency on her financially but, she's my sister and I worry about what goes on in her life. Where would she go? how would she live? thoughts like that creep in and the sense of loss happens within me. Honestly, anyone who wouldn't feel that way about their sister or siblings I would dare say their is something wrong with you if you didn't care. I don't mean that rudely I know at times we cannot stand our siblings and family and trust me family reunions aren't always pretty lol... But, I begun to mediate on this matter and begun to think what I could do now that loss has set in and how to deal with it.

1. Acceptance
The first thing is to do is Accept what is going on. You have at that point done all you can do and if that person is unwilling to help themselves no one can make them. As the old saying goes, "You can lead a horse to water but, you cannot make them drink."

2. It's their lives and not yours
Ultimately, it's their choices and they're going to have to live with their decision of that choice and even though it may hurt the others around them or it may not. It's their bed and they made it and now they can sleep in it, but that doesn't mean you gotta lay down in that bed with them that they made.

3. Let it go and move on
Like, with No.2 the choice has been made and there is no changing it it's a done deal. Your only hurting yourself now by letting their choices affect you...more than likely they're not even thinking about you they're happy (hopefully) with their choices. You owe it to yourself to let it go and move on to something better. I believe as Jedi, we're not to dwell on such things yes it still hurts but, we live for here and now yesterday doesn't matter it's gone, tomorrow might never come for some of us we, all we have is today.

By all means this is an open discussion and I value all your input if you wanna talk about it. But, I felt resolve from accepting the situation as it was and moving on. I think the lessons that I have learned from TOTJO and My Masters teachings have helped me realize this.

One thing that years of therapy has imparted to me is that you can only change you. She has to live her own life. But letting go of it is the hardest part, in my opinion. My daughter is at an age where she's making a lot of her own choices for the first time, and I'm learning to be impartial, to let her make her own mistakes, etc. I am always here if she needs to ask questions, but she's the one who has to walk through the doors... if she walks through a bad one, I want her to learn from it, not spend years bitter that she didn't get to make her own choices.

I'm mostly glad that she feels confident enough to make her own decisions. Maybe that's a positive here... your sister feels confident enough to make her own decisions. That is a sign of growth too, right? It might be in a direction you wouldn't choose, but it's a direction

From the 16 Teachings
4. Jedi are wary of attachments, both material and personal. The obsession over possessions and people creates the fear of losing those possessions and relationships which can cause ourselves to be trapped in a state of depression and loss.

You are certainly aware of this in the Doctrine, but I felt it is worth posting here for the benefit of all who read this. As Jedi, we are aware of the potential harm that can be caused by attachment and we try to address it with this teaching. We are, however, still human and we feel. If you feel a sense of loss, it is real. No one can ever tell you anything different.

The best we can do is to allow ourselves to feel it. To mourn the loss. And then move on. The danger comes in dwelling on what is lost. We must move forward. This step, on this path, in this moment. What is gone is gone.

Perhaps her path and yours will cross again soon.

I blame the subconscious again, I think in normal operation it does a lot of processing in prediction (where possible) to assist perception and to speed up decision making. Assuming that it constantly tries to balance the cognitive capacity with the range of demands in running our body and mind, that routines and habit's serve as a predictable patterns which can be easily used to build up that capacity to predict change. What we 'feel' is variations in this load balancing, and different parts of our systems at different times require more or less resources for various reasons.

So when we lose something we otherwise expected, we tend to feel a dramatic drain in our energy, wellbeing and capacity to focus - basically being a shift in cognitive resources, an increased burden by the removal of previously used information which had informed our subconscious capacity to predict the near future and therefore relate to the present.

Uncertainty would be its manifestation in the conscious mind, and probably most evident when trust is involved, because we would extend that predictive tendency into our conscious thought for the topic of trust and if losing trust in someone it can really make us question ourselves sometimes - why did we let ourselves get fooled, can I trust myself etc. And once you start working against yourself then you risk starting a fight with your own subconscious which can really hamper progress on the path to feelings of wellbeing and self empowerment AFAIK. Such as the cellphone example - it serves to limit uncertainty having a capacity to communicate when needed.

So I think they are the same thing, but that is also the feeling of loss of the same thing being experienced in the subconscious. Because you see, if you can control something you can keep track of it (not lose it) and also dictate its behaviour (make predictable) to some extent.

Personally, I think being an adult is finding that new place in the world outside of ones childhood family - not that you need to lose it entirely, but rather change the terms of reference to release the control over them, release the knowledge of their habits/patterns, release the need for things from them (certainty). I don't have kids but imagine it would be hard to see a person grow up a kid and move out to become an adult, given the risks and dangers in the world, but I guess that is life and its important for that persons self development to build the skills to survive in the world and be their own self making their own decisions and learning how to learn and grow as an adult instead of a child. Generally speaking, I'm not familiar with your situation to pretend to be giving advice!!

That speaks volumes on character friend!