Trouble with goals and controlling ones life.

So I present a problem i've been having to my fellows on this page. Ever since I was a kid I've been rather scatter brained jumping from one project or idea to another leaving a trail of unfinished business in my wake. Upon joining the military I didn't have that issue because well my day was set. My taskers handed out by those senior to me or dictated by ops schedule and other clear cut factors. I've been out four years now and from time to time I find focus but lose it again. Further currently the list of things I need to do seems overwhelming. So I am going to present that list here and my mindset at keeping up with it or failure to do so and ask for your thoughts or guidance on how to get these things done.

A) For health reasons I need to go to a low salt, sugar, carb, and fat diet. Yet I feel restricted to the point of suffocation in my food choices. So I keep with veggies and occasional chicken for a while then snap and go on a junk food binge. Its a bad cycle that doesn't help and plays havoc with my gut. Yet I don't know how to break it.

I need to get into a regular exercise schedule but because my work and school hours change all the time it seems hard to find the time. I know its just an exucse but I hate exercise other then martial arts and cannot currently afford the training. I will be good for weeks at a time and then I fall off if I so much as pull a muscle and need to rest for a few days.

C) I am working on the IP and often get frustrated at how often I break away to do something such as a video game or go to the gun range. Its so easy for me to get side tracked that I feel like Dory from Finding Nemo.

D) I am working on a novel that has been years in the making. My biggest issue is I am doing research to make the religious and magical aspects of my work as real as possible. Yet the more I study the more I want to know and the more I add to the growing pages of things to research. I dont want to go too far down the rabbit hole so that I end up with a pile of research that could earn me a religious studies degree but not the novel I am trying to get written. How do you separate yourself from this. The world I am creating just keeps growing and its so easy to get lost in the depth I want it to have. How do you give depth without drowning in it?

Finally E) How the heck does someone in their thirties make friends? Seriously I am a thick headed and often strongly opinionated man that has a total of five friends and none of them live in my state, two of them are military friends, one is a guy that might as well be blood that has been a buddy since high school and then two are people I met via my buddy from HS. Other then that it seems impossible to find adult friends to regularly chat with or hang out with in my area. What the heck do adults do to make friends?

If you've read this far thanks for sticking with me and if you've advice to offer I'll do my best to heed it. At the very least thanks for listening to me vent folks.

The problem, as I see it, is that the real discipline you've experienced thus far has been at the hand of other people. Now you need to develop self-discipline to really live.

Take one day... just one day... and eat properly. Even if you don't want to. Especially if you don't want to. Whatever happens, don't give in. You're building the kind of muscle that matters by telling yourself no. There are lots of sugar free snacks you can have around, and I don't mean carrots. Use a few pieces of hard candy, tootsie rolls, just something to get rid of the craving. Then move on with your day and keep yourself distracted from food. You could use studying at TotJO to distract yourself from eating poorly.

Once you've disciplined yourself in the realm of food for a few days, the other days will seem easier because you know you can do it once. And if you did it once, you can do it again. And all you ever have to get through is this day... don't worry about the others. If you screw up once don't abandon hope, forgive yourself and get going again. It's not the end of the world. Just keep building that muscle that you build by saying no.

Make sure you keep track of the days you succeed! Eventually you'll look back at the dozens and dozens of days you've earned this way and the self-discipline you've gained, and it'll be amazing... and you can apply this to all of the other areas of your life that need help. But do them one at a time, and don't let yourself quit because of accidents. There isn't a guru on a hill in existence that didn't have a zillion accidents as they worked at who they wanted to be

And as far as making friends goes: hi there! This is one of the things adults do to meet other adults, lol! Welcome

In airport. So I'll be brief:

Like Snowy says, discipline is a muscle and it must be figured out one day at a time. You want to be a powerlifter? Show up every day you're supposed to at the gym.

Need to lose weight? Exercise? Show up. Just one day. Just one meal. Then, do it again. This is the same as deciding to do a bicep curl or not. To study for a test or not.

If you are really struggeling to eat healthty and exercise, I would suggest downloading Pact and giving yourself a little tough love.

With pact, you set a fitness goal for the week whether its eating healthy or working out. Alongside this, you place a bet of how much you will pay others if you fail to make up your comittment.

Most people will work at being healthier, if they know they will be fined for not doing so.

Of course, if you meet your fitness goals, pact will pay you a bonus as well.


Also, if you are looking to meet friends, try looking for and joining a local group on meetup.com. Its a site that allows you to join local clubs with interests ranging from hiking to knitting and everything in between.


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Adders' Advice Column :lol:

A. For food, cook your own meals, no processed food, and take away only in emergencies and as healthy as possible. The fresher the better. Only use olive oil for cooking oil, and simply don't own any butter or margarine or sugar or cheese. I reckon its a good starting point, as once diet is stabilized in a healthy pattern then exercise can be more about your body rather then your baggage (fat).

A lot of folk online like to talk about living like our ancestors, but neglect to realize they were most likely always starving. The 'hunger' we feel is probably to ensure we eat when we can because in those days the opportunity was so rare. Being hungry is probably normal for the human body, but I'm biased because I've been on a low calorie life extension diet for a few decades in the vain attempt to live longer, healthier and happier.

Bland diets grow on you, you might need to cheat less and find new bland ways to cheat. A bland treat should just be slightly less bland then your normal diet so you can get some relativity happening - IMO a bland treat becomes a great when its the most exciting thing you treat yourself with over the baseline really bland diet. Of course not all healthy food is bland, but I know what you mean... nothing tastes like chocolate, a nice fatty steak, a huge cheesy lasagna etc.

B. But exercise is a bit more difficult. I tend to focus on individual spots for ages to really make good progress because it allows me to have a better understanding and focus on maximum intensity while minimizing injury, ie better focus.... rather then an all over approach... but if your already bulked out with muscle then the all over approach is probably all that is needed to keep condition and in which case it could just be a case of balancing cardio with the impact of your diet. PT's and military folk prefer the all over approach because they do a lot more exercise in their structured jobs, then most everyone else, but most everyone else I think might benefit from a bit more targeted focus to learn more about themselves and make better long term progress. It's easier to schedule and track I think, because different parts of the body have different types of muscle tissue and involvement in normal activities etc requiring different types of workload to develop. So I take a rehab style approach of focus and intensity, with rest and sleep being equally important of course. So to stay regular with it, it becomes about intensity and managing capacity to keep that intensity up - developing a real tangible connection to the target area by either pushing it, or nursing it, and not being distracted by trying to focus on too many different areas.

C. I just try to relate all activities back to the Jedi path. So the IP stuff can inform my path, and my other activities exercise my path... type of thing. Carrying a notebook and pen to write down how they might relate throughout the day keeps me connected to it the most.

D. Characters maybe. If you develop particular characters who only have limited sets of knowledge, then you might be able to explore different natures of perspectives leading to particular courses of action. Throw them together and see what trouble they end up in as a result. This way no one character represents you and your interest in expanding knowledge, because to expand knowledge means to focus on that instead of the book. Does that make sense!?

E. Lol, dunno. Do what you enjoy, help others do it too, learn new things. Don't have much experience on this one sorry :pinch:

Sit quietly and think about your life. It is good you share and seek others opinion. Others are here for you. I feel only by getting in touch with yourself will you be content. More friends will be there for you when you are friends with yourself more. Be kind to yourself, pace yourself, everything you desire is in your future, don't be in a hurry. You are a good person. Be at peace with your self. All will be well.

MadHatter wrote: So I present a problem i've been having to my fellows on this page. Ever since I was a kid I've been rather scatter brained jumping from one project or idea to another leaving a trail of unfinished business in my wake. Upon joining the military I didn't have that issue because well my day was set. My taskers handed out by those senior to me or dictated by ops schedule and other clear cut factors. I've been out four years now and from time to time I find focus but lose it again. Further currently the list of things I need to do seems overwhelming. So I am going to present that list here and my mindset at keeping up with it or failure to do so and ask for your thoughts or guidance on how to get these things done.

A) For health reasons I need to go to a low salt, sugar, carb, and fat diet. Yet I feel restricted to the point of suffocation in my food choices. So I keep with veggies and occasional chicken for a while then snap and go on a junk food binge. Its a bad cycle that doesn't help and plays havoc with my gut. Yet I don't know how to break it.

I need to get into a regular exercise schedule but because my work and school hours change all the time it seems hard to find the time. I know its just an exucse but I hate exercise other then martial arts and cannot currently afford the training. I will be good for weeks at a time and then I fall off if I so much as pull a muscle and need to rest for a few days.

C) I am working on the IP and often get frustrated at how often I break away to do something such as a video game or go to the gun range. Its so easy for me to get side tracked that I feel like Dory from Finding Nemo.

D) I am working on a novel that has been years in the making. My biggest issue is I am doing research to make the religious and magical aspects of my work as real as possible. Yet the more I study the more I want to know and the more I add to the growing pages of things to research. I dont want to go too far down the rabbit hole so that I end up with a pile of research that could earn me a religious studies degree but not the novel I am trying to get written. How do you separate yourself from this. The world I am creating just keeps growing and its so easy to get lost in the depth I want it to have. How do you give depth without drowning in it?

Finally E) How the heck does someone in their thirties make friends? Seriously I am a thick headed and often strongly opinionated man that has a total of five friends and none of them live in my state, two of them are military friends, one is a guy that might as well be blood that has been a buddy since high school and then two are people I met via my buddy from HS. Other then that it seems impossible to find adult friends to regularly chat with or hang out with in my area. What the heck do adults do to make friends?

If you've read this far thanks for sticking with me and if you've advice to offer I'll do my best to heed it. At the very least thanks for listening to me vent folks.

I'll spare you any bad advice. Finish one project. That's all. When that's done finish the next one.

Make friends by giving people what they want. Most people want money, so there's your friends.

Wake up every morning and make your bed. Perfectly.

Listen to motivational speech compilations on youtube while you do it.

The rest will follow.

Two things: developing a more disciplined lifestyle works a heck of a lot easier if you don't have to do it alone.

The other thing: eating low carb AND low fat at the same time is an endeavor doomed to failure and your reaction to it (binge eating) is exactly what is to be expected. Don't feel bad about it - this would happen to everyone and isn't a discipline problem. I don't know what your health problems are and I'm not a doctor, but if I were you, I'd probably go see a nutritionist and might even consider joining a support group, where you can work with like-minded people.

As for friends: can't help you with that as I'm in the same situation. My life in the thirties has been dominated by a lot of work and my family (wife and two small kids). I simply lack the time to go out and the number of friends has shrunk to one, whom I usually don't see for months at a time.