Viritual Relationships

How do you feel about them? Do you value them?

Are we just substituting our real world relationship with the viritual and why?

Virtual how? Like people I know online or characters from games?

Whether it is by long distance communication or at arm's length, our relationships to people are quite real -- as long as they are real people we are relating to. A virtual relationship would be one with a computer programme, or a puppet, a doll or a 'representation' of a person - but not a person at all ...

Then again, sometimes the people we are trying to relate to are not very 'real' (cf. "How To Be a Genuine Fake") but that doesn't have much to do with the communications medium - that has to do with the interaction. That can happen from light-years or just centimetres away ...

So,

Virtual relationships ... I would think that would be pretty sad : having a 'toy' person to talk to (which probably couldn't pass the Turing test anyway).

Long distance relationships via the communications technologies we have at our disposal today : I feel that they are unavoidable, regardless of our convictions on the matter.

The friends I make here, on this medium, are as real as the friends I make in my city. Nothing virtual about them. I've made many friends online first that I went on to hang out with in person, many times in the future.

And for example, in the case of people who aren't as socially confident face-to-face, this medium actually offers a better chance of getting to know who they really are beneath that awkward exterior. Some people are better at being their authentic selves here than in person.

(I find that I'm more awkward online than in person, but that's just me!)

Where ever the relationship is ,i value it along side the "real"ones. In my day i am grateful a number of times as per pray meditate and burn offerings. In this mix is a few for my master in the Temple and my Council members. Relationships are like things in my life, in which i give vale to and treasure them as often and as much as i allow them to have vale. They are very real. My own opinion, some do not see it that way, lol haha most don't.
Carlos

Just like in real life...so long as it is "healthy" there is nothing wrong with it. I met my first husband online first for three years before meeting him in real life and later marrying him. It ended up not going so well, he had alot of quirks and flaws that the Internet does not show. I also met my current husband and father of my two daughters online. We met at United Jedi Order and spoke often on AIM before meeting eachother at the first Michigan Jedi Gathering in 2004. Been together since.

I have many others that I have connected with closely. Some I have yet to meet, many I have after years of chatting. What is important to remember however is that the Internet does not tell you everything about the person. It is just one side of the coin. As long as you are okay with that one side and it remains healthy between you and the other person. No problem.

This is a really interesting question! I've thought about it a lot myself over the years, especially as my physical social circle decreased exponentially, and my online one expanded. It's a matter somewhat related to personal circumstance I think, which clouds the larger discussion on the topic - but there's some deeper aspects I've been trying to grasp for a while, but which keep eluding me. I'd like to read more studies on the subject, if anyone knows of any - as far as I know it's a field of social psychology that hasn't been explored at large levels.

Personally I have very mixed feelings about online relationships (note that I do not expressly mean those of a romantic variety here, but any relationship involving emotional contact as well as the more analytical/mental contact of reading someone's posts, or seeing images they post on a blog-site like Tumblr. Note, my separation of emotion/mind isn't very good - it's just to make a basic distinction here.

Anyway, I've encountered at least two online relationships in my life that were more than cursory enjoyments and fringe attachments. By this I mean they profoundly affected my life, development, and memory in one way or another. The first was a person who I used to write with frequently on an online roleplay site set in the Star Trek universe. For reasons I won't go into here, our friendship was a cause of serious consternation for me, because as we "hung out" online more, and wrote together, I found myself becoming quite attached. I know a significant amount about their lives - but a very large piece of my life that they thought they had known as fact was a fabrication. I'd started the fabrication as an experiment in extreme writing immersion - to help improve my storytelling ability, and it never occurred to me that I'd feel a real connection to anyone. Unfortunately I did, and the other person did, and then I eventually felt I had to leave that group and break off contact, because the pain of the loss of that friendship would be better for both sides than the admission of my lie. It definitely left me feeling sad - not guilty, as had happened with other online connections I'd ended - but actually sad. I missed that connection, because that person had become a real friend, and I found myself wishing that I had had made different choices from the beginning. This experience definitely affected me - and is a memory I'll carry most of my life: there is, as far as I can see, no better mark of a "real relationship" than that.

The second time was a person I met online through a social networking site. We posted similar stuff, seemed to get along, eventually started to contact each other through other means - such as Skype. When I finally met them however, I found that any attachment and connection we had while online, was utterly devoid of real meaning in-person. It was a surprise to me - but there were significant factors that only time spent in-person could have ever revealed - video and voice and text didn't cut it. Even a massive degree of shared interests and beliefs didn't cut it. It was A good experience for me - as it helped me understand what it was I was looking for in another person, and it helped me realize that the person online, and the person offline, can be very different things. I know a lot of people who say that they have a large group of really close online friends - I even know one guy who met his girlfriend online, and she lived in a different country! And yet I've seen a lot of these relationships crumble, and worse I've seen them maintained by all parties on a sort of shallow level simply because that's the best sort of relationship they have access to.

Suffice it to say, I don't think that it's impossible to have real human connections to people online. But I definitely believe that people are often too accepting of the connection they feel they have to people through solely online means. It might not be correct to say that online relationships cannot be "real", but I'd say that there is a certain limitation to the level of connection that can develop there - at least in some circumstances. As I said, I think it's a really interesting subject, and I'd love to see if anyone has looked into it on a in-depth level.

I'm currently in a long-distance intimate relationship with contact mostly via Skype today.

I share a very similar view to Maitre Alexandre above, in that, it doesn't matter over what medium you have to communicate to others in any kind of relationship so long as that person is a real person and both you and them are accepting and honest about the form the relationship is currently in.

What I DON'T feel very convinced about is specifically the act of "finding love online" with dating WEBSITES, such as E-Harmony, Match.com, OKCupid, etc. These places and this approach tries to treat love as if people are employees/employers or market items to shop for, where we hide behind filters thinking we're going to find that "perfect" someone through them, when really, most people hide behind those filters because they feel they NEED a specific type of person to put up with them and their personal drama. This is a scenario where the person's profile puts up big large disclaimers saying "I do not deal with drama or perverts" etc. In many of these cases, such disclaimers are put there because they have a history with drama severe enough, it typically indicates that they themselves tend to be the originators of the very drama they beg to avoid. In turn, they hide behind online filters thinking they have a chance at avoiding the inevitable, and looking for that virtual "happy ever after" fantasy. Little do they realize just how much expectations of these kind breed disappointment.

Thankfully, I found my partner in one of the most honest and natural online venues either of us could ever hope for - TOTJO.

Alexandre Orion wrote: Whether it is by long distance communication or at arm's length, our relationships to people are quite real -- as long as they are real people we are relating to. A virtual relationship would be one with a computer programme, or a puppet, a doll or a 'representation' of a person - but not a person at all ...
//..

Dear temple,

If you think of representation of yourself in a online situation, can it be dangerous? If I understand it correctly, there is some balance between 'virtual representation' and 'safety'. How to know the effects of an surname? People can be affected by how we show ourselves to others, will that bring an edge to a virtual relationship?

I am thankful that I called myself 'Aqua' but I am also aware that it will give me an glass plate between me and my online contacts. Like seeing but not able to touch, like looking trough the water and seeing distorted things.
Do virtual relationships have an balance between nickname and real name, between safety and Real live information? Can you still call it an real relationship if there is no relating to a real person?

I like balance, I do not like showing myself different than I am. I do like to have a border between what I show and do not show. Virtual relationships can affect an other mind, showing yourself or not. Words are true to your own voice within. No person is able to hide that part of himself, unless lying is their standard.

Relationship of words and of picturing a person are two different virtual things, but they can lead both to the same joy, misunderstandings and other possibilities. Ultimately it is always a snapshot, It is upon each Jedi to expand his snapshot to his own understanding. That is a part that gives me much joy and questions.

~ Aqua

It's funny that this topic should come up, because I was just reading something a few weeks ago that seems to fit in perfectly with the considerations we're mulling over here. Namely, some letters of Abraham Lincoln's from before he became President. While we're talking about virtual presences here, it must be noted that long-distance communication (while never as intentionally-shallow as it is during the internet age) isn't exactly a new concept. It's really funny thinking about some of the same things we're talking about here applying in an age when hand written letters were the only means of communication.

Here, read these (mainly the first one, the actual letter).