So, whos fault is it?

What is blame really?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RZWf2_2L2v8#t=188

You are Brenna!

On a serious note, I believe it's everyone is to blame in their own way, for instance the second cup of coffee was entirely her choice, if she couldn't fall asleep without him coming home then she shouldn't have had the coffee to stay awake because essentially she should be able to stay awake without the coffee, however he should have come home earlier than 10.30....so yeah everyone's to blame seperately.

But I think her point about blame is that its actually irrelevant, and that blame is a fruitless enterprise.

Pretending you are not connected to circumstance, giving yourself the illusion of control.

My clients tell me they are not to blame for the car accident that injured them so terribly. That's almost certainly true, and irrelevant. No one else can address the consequences.

Who is to blame? I'm not sure it matters. Who is responsible for dealing with it? Now, we all are. At least, that's how it is in my neck of the woods.

I agree that blame is useless, except as a 'wing flapping' exercise...

But, really, Steve had no control over what she does... If she wanted to go to bed, then she should have...

Its not Steve's fault she cant sleep, yet she places responsibility of it upon him, and as life is so unpredictable, then sometimes, that is an unrealistic expectation...

All we can really control is our reactions to what IS...

Im sure she worries less about how her actions affect Steve, as evident by her readiness to take a chunk out of his butt, than his actions affect her...

Finding fault is fine, but the process won't stop there.

I don't like "fault" being used as an excuse for one's own behavior.

Brenna wrote: But I think her point about blame is that its actually irrelevant, and that blame is a fruitless enterprise.

But I think the greater point she makes is that, while blame is useless venting, we shoulid hold people accountable for their actions. Whether I blame you or not, if you did a thing that had consequences, you are accountable for those consequences.

I got the impression more that she was more saying that we should be able to hold ourselves accountable, which is something that is much harder.

steamboat28 wrote:

Brenna wrote: But I think her point about blame is that its actually irrelevant, and that blame is a fruitless enterprise.

But I think the greater point she makes is that, while blame is useless venting, we shoulid hold people accountable for their actions. Whether I blame you or not, if you did a thing that had consequences, you are accountable for those consequences.

Yes. She did talk about having the tenacity to hold others accountable. To be able to say "this thing you did hurt me". And I've been thinking a lot about that because I think it's part of a trap. To say to someone, you've hurt me" requires the vulnerability she talks about, something I personally don't do well. Something I generally experience disguised as indignation or disgust. Which leads to a feeling that the person who has done wrong should be made to accept their wrong, and made to suffer for it in some way. Seems reasonable on the surface. But maybe it shouldn't matter? Maybe the blame and accountability thing is still an ego trap. Maybe (in cases especially where the person at fault is unlikely to give us the apology we seek) it's just a case of looking for validation of our grievance. Of our hurt.


Or maybe I need a coffee. Way too early for this

"on est responsable de ce que l'on vit"

It's easy to put the blame on others.
Peoples have more influence to their environnement that we think.

This make me think to this question:
http://www.quora.com/A-couple-say-A-and-B-decided-to-commit-suicide-after-a-rough-life-They-decided-to-jump-off-a-building-When-they-got-to-the-top-they-both-counted-to-three-A-jumped-but-B-stayed-B-watched-A-drop-for-about-8-seconds-and-then-saw-a-parachute-open-Who-betrayed-whom/answer/Malee-Holland?share=1


Now I want a coffee...
The fault of the video! :laugh: