You Are Not a Snowflake

Khaos wrote: How far should one extend acceptance and understanding?

I'd say until it becomes understood they are cognizant of it yet do not address it. You might only have a small window, as often people end up taking advantage of people out of habit if it's let to develop.

My preference is for those around me to be honest. To tell me when they think I'm making a mistake or being an idiot and that includes myself. I think the onus is on you to look inside yourself and decide what you or anyone else deserves. Do you deserve your worst, let alone another?

I certainly see how this could be calling for tolerance, patience, empathy, compassion

and also not to judge.

This hits home for me as these are some of my challenges.

adder: Is any leeway given from the perspective that they are simply incapable at this time of making that change? i.e. They are not ready, at a correct stage in their development, to implement that change? Are they worth suffering until they get it right?

My wife and I are about 12 years apart and things that are common sense to her, learned frome xperience, are still fresh for me.

Rickie The Grey wrote:

I certainly see how this could be calling for tolerance, patience, empathy, compassion

and also not to judge.

This hits home for me as these are some of my challenges.

Thanks for the reminder, Rickie. Judge not, lest ye be judged yourself. Nobody likes to be put on trial, particularly when they are struggling with issues that not all of us can see or be aware of.

What was striking to me about this quote is that she seemed to be reaching out for help and also lashing out at the same time. Perhaps, as Ryujin stated earlier, it was an indication of much deeper emotional battles she was fighting at the time. Regretfully, I believe the rest of the world was focused on her physical attributes while ignoring her pleas for compassion.

That being said, I still believe that people mistake confidence for arrogance. I should be patient with people who make mistakes or have a moment of weakness, but I should not have to tolerate idiocy on an ongoing basis.

[/quote] I should be patient with people who make mistakes or have a moment of weakness, but I should not have to tolerate idiocy on an ongoing basis.[/quote]

That's where the challenge is, at least for me. Have to? Of course not. Should I? I should be the better person unless it's a health and safety issue.

Idiocy ultimately corrects itself.

I am NOT a snowflake! I am a leaf on the wind! Watch how I soar! ....sorry

I agree with about HALF of what the article says.

For the longest time I was never accepted for who I was. Between bullies at school and my own mother at home. This is why I stand up and say "THIS is me! Take me as I am!" BUT as apart of that, I also strive to be respectful to those in my life, whether I know them or not, and work on being a better person. I know I have a worst. I know a few people who have seen it. Or at least parts of it. That's a beast I do my best not to unleash on other people. But sometimes my grip loosens enough that she takes off. I don't expect people to deal with it, but I will try to make it right. I've had lots of arguments with my husband. We're coming up on our five years married anniversary next week. He has dealt with my beasts, and we've worked on them together. If it wasn't for his prodding and support I wouldn't be near as far along in my quest to become a better person. He's seen my worst, he's seen my (current) best. If he had uncaringly dumped me at the first sign of my issues, he wasn't deserving of me at my best. BUT I have a duty to him to make up for my worst, and to work on it as well.

But if "Worst" is all I've seen of a person, I wont stick around for long either. And I don't expect anyone else to do it for me. There has to be a faith that there is a "Best" there. I'm willing to help anyone I can but if I think their "Best" is actually their "Worst" because it's all they've ever shown me, then for my own good, I may have to walk away.

I guess I've just always read this quote a little less literally and taken it to be in the spirit of, 'If you don't want to be in a relationship with me because I'm not perfect then I don't want to be in a relationship with you.' That probably says more about me than it does anything else. I suppose I have known people who literally hold this attitude and I have developed very attuned reflexes geared toward ridding my life of them quickly and cleanly.

I don't think it's so wrong to stand up for yourself this way sometimes. After all 'better' and 'worse' are relative terms, and what one person finds distasteful another finds tolerable or even endearing. Of course I say all of this being a person who tries to believe the best about people until their actions no longer allow me to do so; so I'm sure I'm projecting a good bit of this attitude back onto myself. And I've been burned before as well. After all, no good deed goes unpunished

Targeran Arynal wrote: I guess I've just always read this quote a little less literally and taken it to be in the spirit of...

The more I learn here the less literally I take most things, unless I'm trying to annoy my girlfriend. lol.

I agree that this is meant to be a broad topic condensed as well as it could be into a short phrase. This sort of topic would require long discussion (such as this forum post) to properly get the point across, so this phrase was thought of to sum it up. I feel it did a rather fine job, regardless of who actually said it.

rugadd wrote: adder: Is any leeway given from the perspective that they are simply incapable at this time of making that change?

Different perspectives can cause different approaches to things - that can be a positive sometimes!!

But to the broader point of hanging in there - self sacrifice, yea for sure IMO. I think self sacrifice is inevitable (to various degrees), so it might as well be done mindfully with conscious intent. A part of that mindfulness might be that we each only have so much to share, and that might mean we need to have some nature of retreat to make sure we have a self left, even if it is just a moments silence to reflect on the Force, or whatever suits/works. It's why the label 'partner' can sometimes seem too soft for a marriage type of relationship. I'd contrast that though with directed effort, which I'd have more rigid boundaries about the degree of commitment, and how I might view friendships versus a greater depth of commitment to those marriage/partner relationships. Perhaps its normal to expect different things in return, but I try not to view it in those terms - instead I view it in terms of just managing my own health ie capacity.
Its why I like monogamy, it would be exhausting having many wives :whistle: