Article: What if Marriage were Temporary?

greetings friends, i have a thought. if one person chosses to make a choice and then swears a vow then brakes the vow...what then? ive been divorced as well, twice, the third time texas said i had to divorce my gf cuz of property we owned togeather but my point is this, the choices we make, i make, i should be able to stand by them right? as jedi i would think our word is more relyable than that of the masses, as well as our vows. my wife relys on me and i on her. there is no temporary thing no one ever wants half a love. every myth and story book has the happy ever after ending and it is that ending of happy ever after in which we all seek. i may be wrong , im sure im not. love is a wonderful thing, it makes us fly when we are down . it helps us to fosus in the dark times . its makes us happy in the bad . love gives us hope some days when there is no hope. we find strenght in it. this is what we all want. this is what i want. the old timers useed to say faithfullness finds favor, not only in marrage but in life and nature. wouldnt we discrace our selfs if we were fickle? maybe we need to think and meditate more on our life desisions instead of rush things like every body else, cuz lets face it as JEDI we are NOT like everybody else.

I've always thought marriage was temporary...otherwise why have that "till death do us part" clause...there have been people to kill their spouse to get out of a marriage...it's like a built in escape clause...

Any relationship takes effort, marriage takes more (and in the event of divorce, it takes half of everything)...

Nowadays marriage is more like a business proposition, everything gets discussed, licenses are obtained, contracts drawn up (prenuptial agreements), financial mergers occur...and if there's a divorce assets are divided, new contracts drawn up( custody papers, spousal support)...

Maybe a short term or "trial marriage" is better...like leasing with the option to buy...

I've been happily married now for 12 days short of 7 years. Marriage is very hard work and everyday you need to be just that little bit more selfless. Becoming so selfless in this way, for the benifit of others (namely children), is not a commitment that everyone can take on or get right the first time and I completely understand this. Every year that passes you find more failings in your partner and you have more of your own put out for public viewing. It just isn't easy.

Having said that I married my best friend of over 10 years and then was engaged for 3 years living together before finally being married. Both of us had studied successfully married couples and knew exactly what we were getting into. When we said the vows it was with our eyes open and a deep understanding just like our parents.

I had long but ultimatly temporary relationships with other partners without the need to formalise them. I had a long engagement so didn't need a trial marriage. In the society I live in marriage isn't compulserary so why change marriage when other options already exists and the real issues with most marriages isn't with the vows but with the people that take them?

I mean would you change the vows to become a Jedi knight so less knights failled to keep them?

RyuJin wrote:
Maybe a short term or "trial marriage" is better...like leasing with the option to buy...

Its called living together and getting a dog :silly:

Been married eleven years. We're still together because we're in love, not because we're married. Marriage is just a ceremony and a sign of commitment. Experience the love you have for your partner NOW whether you're married or not.

I like to describe marriage as two trees growing side my side. They both need nurturing, they share the same soil, water and sunlight. If one starts to out grow the other, they can overshadow them, if one takes too much of the nourishment the other begins to starve, give the other time to grow, so that both can grow and change together. If this does not happen the marriage will falter and truly die.

I feel that if we had temporary marriage we would add to the fast food, disposable lifestyle mindset. We lose commitment. Trial runs are living together with a dog as Bren stated. Thanks Bren I liked that.

Things do change, we all change, life changes, the person you married 3, 5, 10 years ago is not the same. The key is, to create positive change in the relationship that continues positive growth for all involved.

I think maybe there should be a distinct difference between having a legal partner, and a marriage. A legal partner is bound by law and should have all the legal stuff attached to it. When and if the partnership should end. Marriage is a very personal and intimate thing, sometimes religious, and more ceremonial between the persons involved.

Marrying someone often depends on the reasons at the moment. Such as a shotgun wedding, or an excuse to get out of the current place you are at. I have watched people stalk my military youth and latch on to them the second they can for the military spouse benefits. Then the military member deploys and the spouse is free to carry on with life as if they were single, spending all the money. When they return life can get pretty ugly in those relationships. Military life is especially hard on marriage. Most end in divorce.

I met my spouse when I was 18 years old, fresh in the military, tired of the college party scene. My spouse, who was 33 at the time, also in the military, same pay grade, which is another thing military relationships have to be concerned about.

We met and began as friends, it grew into a courtship that lasted a year before we decided on marriage. Once we decided that we were serious about this commitment we began our trials. We purposely threw the worst parts of out personality and quirks at each other. If we could drive each other out then we would and a marriage would not work.

We grew even closer. At the end of the trials we knew that our first instinct was correct and we married. I do not try to change my spouse and they do not try to change me. Do not take each other for granted or expect the other person to do something. We accept the person we are today each and every day. We communicate and it works for us 26 years later, we still have our Bliss.

In the past, the courtship and engagement was what I think we are calling the temporary marriage. Simply do not rush into something you are not prepared for. If you are honest with yourself and each other and the end result is that the persons have changed then be happy with the time that you did share with each other and go your separate paths.

Marriage only really meanss one thing (except for wingers):

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=otCpCn0l4Wo

I am all for temp marriages. I mean, that's what half of them turn out to be anyway, right? Might as well be realistic about it. Aside: yes, I was married before. And if you're reading this, hello Saddam.

Dont get married if you only in a relationship on a temporary basis.

Certainly, that way you can avoid all the baggage and pain of a divorce.

I will have been married for 19 years this December.

I find the idea of making it temporary a bit silly, why do it at all then?

Psyddhattha wrote: We're still together because we're in love, not because we're married. Marriage is just a ceremony and a sign of commitment. Experience the love you have for your partner NOW whether you're married or not.

I've never been married but this has always seemed the way of it to me in the successful marriages I have seen.

I think that there is a real reason why marriage in almost all the traditional societies was enforced social obligation; it wasn't until around the middle ages in Europe that the idea of making a personal choice about who your spouse would be came onto the scene. It's why 'true love' is always talked about as being a 'magical' happening and in fairy tales - it is very very rare.

I think it is also a shame that people are brought up to believe that marriage is something that should be a part of a normal life experience. Far from it I think. I mean, if you're lucky enough to have caring parents or even just one true friend you've got more going for you in the relationships department than most people in the world and throughout history. Expecting a fulfilling spousal relationship is setting yourself up for disappointment. Maybe more marriages would be successful if people saw it as more of a job than a picnic, at least you would start out building on honesty that way.

Some people get married in order to create a situation that will be helpful for child rearing, I think this can be a successful way to go about things if both spouses are open and honest about the fact that the kids and not their own relationship with each other is the priority.

Ultimately marriage is what you make or don't make of it. It is only as real as you and your partner say that it is. Every person is different, every relationship is different, every marriage is different, 100% unique from all others. The rule is that there are no rules, no way it is 'supposed to be.' Make of it what you will, or not.

I hope everyone here is lucky enough to have someone special in their lives, whether it's a spouse or a child or a friend or family member or a Temple ( ) or whatever. I really believe more and more every day that the whole point of all this living we are given to do is to be there for each other, in whatever context that may express itself.