Facing fears of the past

24 Oct 2019 13:20 #344788 by Trillcherek
Now I've written this here because I am seeking guidance from people who have had similar situations...

I've been troubled with a thought recently it's been on my mind for a while.

I have been wanting to get in contact with an old friend. But there is a lot of emotion between us he has betrayed our friendship and we have not been in contact since...

As a Jedi emotion yet peace should apply here but when I went to message him I had flashbacks.in emotions and couldn't. I've posted this here because I believe that it is a mental health issue as a Jedi know I shouldn't let my emotions get in the way but they are mostly fearing of being hurt...

My question is

As Jedi at what point is an emotional not at peace?

May the force be one with you.
The following user(s) said Thank You: Carlos.Martinez3, Jhannuzs Ian

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

24 Oct 2019 22:29 - 24 Oct 2019 22:31 #344802 by OB1Shinobi
Replied by OB1Shinobi on topic Facing fears of the past

Trillcherek wrote:
My question is

As Jedi at what point is an emotional not at peace?

I don't quite understand this question but here goes. We can consider ourselves “not at peace” any time we are having strong, recurring spikes of negative emotion. What is negative emotion? Things like anger and resentment, sadness and grief, or shame and anxiety. Why are these emotions considered negative? Because they kick our bodies into the state known as “fight/flight/freeze” and this produced a cascade of hormonal responses that can seriously damage us physiologically with prolonged exposure. These emotions are also known to negatively affect our judgment in ways that we often come to regret, sometimes deeply, and they are associated with moments where we perceive (sometimes correctly, sometimes incorrectly) that that we’re being mistreated or put down or that something inappropriate or unjust is happening, or that we’ve made some fairly important kind of mistake. So, they are considered negative emotions because they have negative impacts on our bodies and on our judgment and because we typically have them as a result of what we ourselves consider to be negative experiences in our lives.

What are “strong, recurring spikes of negative emotion”? Well, this is when we keep thinking of something over and over - when we cant seem to stop thinking of it - and every time we think of it, it upsets us very much. We’re definitely not at peace when this is happening.

People are complicated.
Last edit: 24 Oct 2019 22:31 by OB1Shinobi.
The following user(s) said Thank You: Rex, Jhannuzs Ian

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

25 Oct 2019 00:15 #344804 by Rex
Replied by Rex on topic Facing fears of the past
Yeah, it's not like we have some ancient secret which will give you a nice blanket answer. People (who function correctly) have emotions, but you can be at peace leaving this person in the past or in trying to get back in touch with them. Just because someone stirs emotions in you doesn't mean they control your peace. At the same time, only you can be aware of your mental health, and I don't recommend anyone toes the line of unhealthy

Really in regards to the situation, I don't know the merits of the case. You're able to choose for yourself, and regardless of the results keep your peace and mtfbwy

Knights Secretary's Secretary
Currently Apprenticeless
TM: Carlos Martinez
ὁ δὲ ἀμυχηδόν νεξέταστος βίος γίγνομαι βιωτὸς ἀνθρώπῳ
The following user(s) said Thank You: Carlos.Martinez3, OB1Shinobi, Jhannuzs Ian, Trillcherek

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

25 Oct 2019 09:59 #344819 by JamesSand
Replied by JamesSand on topic Facing fears of the past
You can use your search engine of choice, but if you read through some articles including the term "emotional intelligence" (it's one of the current big things in business, it's replaced whatever replaced the thing that replaced getting drunk with the office lads at lunch times...) you might see something you like.

Be vigilant against the click-baity sites, you might have to dig deep and use a bit of judgment to find something written by someone who might sound like they know what they are talking about and are not just parroting buzz words.

ANYWAY, a particular "concept" of the uhh...bigger...concept.... is the following -

Engulfed - swamped by emotions
Accepting - no change, though aware
Self aware - clarity about emotions

(the insinuation is that the bottom one is the "preferred" state, mastered by the author, and certain long dead eastern gurus who passed on their secrets to a select few, with the central one being the "level mere peasants can achieve if they subscribe to our newsletter" and the top one being "the state you filthy scum are currently living in, like pigs wallowing in muck")

I'm not going to do my own parroting, you can look into it or not, but it might make you feel better about wherever you are now in your head, and it will add some more words you can use when explaining to people how interesting your emotional instability is.
The following user(s) said Thank You: OB1Shinobi, Rex, Jhannuzs Ian

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

25 Oct 2019 10:06 #344820 by forestjedi
Replied by forestjedi on topic Facing fears of the past
Something I've been considering lately are different ways of reading the Jedi Code.

I have always preferred the "Emotion, yet Peace" style Code, because "There is no emotion, there is Peace" feels wrong to me - there are emotions! We are human and it's silly to try and pretend otherwise. So the "x, yet y" version is more accepting of both aspects, both of which are true and exist within the Force.

An alternative reading of the "There is no x, there is y" version, though, becomes available if you add "when". "When there is no emotion, there is Peace". Or perhaps, "There is no emotion, when there is Peace". For me, that small addition really opened this version up, and made it much more useful to me.

The Code isn't necessarily instructional - it doesn't have to mean "you're not allowed emotion, or passion, and chaos is definitely intolerable". It can serve as a reminder that one of these things balances and counteracts the other. Too much emotion? Seek that which brings you peace, whatever that may be.

For me, it's long walks in the woods and guided meditations. Or a nice cup of tea and an engrossing book or familiar movie.
The following user(s) said Thank You: Carlos.Martinez3, OB1Shinobi, Jhannuzs Ian

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

25 Oct 2019 12:44 #344825 by Carlos.Martinez3
One of the many Joys of modern day Jediism is that truthfully - we can have codes and doctrine and teachings - but the applications are all on the individual and how you... will apply it. As clergy, here I can encourage others that just as I have found a balance, so can any one else. Just as emotion, yet peace can mean one thing for one, it can apply differently to each of us. My focus is often chosen. Any one can do it. Often mine is peace. That’s my hope. Now with that in mind , it’s the how- how will I find it or where will I find peace when I need it. For me - emotion yet peace can mean when I begin to think a bit more than feel. Think before I react. That’s me. That’s where I choose to apply it. If peace is our choice then it’s prolly gunna be up to - only us at times- to bring or be or even find the peace we need at the moments we need it. Real life application - / for me I can experience emotions without the instinctual actions I’m prone to that lead to my bad choices or poor ones really. I choose to do this here. Application can be placed where YOU and HOW you need it. It ain’t easy being a modern day Jeddist- but it does have its advantages.

How do you ( I ) want to act is quite possibly the most sincere and real question a Jeddist can ask them self’s that CAN make the most change ( if that’s what we are looking for) . The “do i?” is totally evident by our presence but the how- that’s to the individual Jeddist. That’s why we share and that’s one of countless ways to grow.
Self reflection isn’t the ONLY way to grow.

Contact The Clergy
Pastor of Temple of the Jedi Order
This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.
The Block
Build, not tear down.
Nosce te ipsum / Cerca trova
The following user(s) said Thank You: OB1Shinobi, Jhannuzs Ian, Trillcherek

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

26 Oct 2019 00:13 - 26 Oct 2019 00:18 #344849 by Jhannuzs Ian

Trillcherek wrote: As Jedi at what point is an emotional not at peace?

Hi Trillcherek, I hope you feel better soon

My emotions are valid until they create diseases, anxiety or prolonged stress. My emotions spring from my beliefs, thoughts and nested meanings.
Each example is a different context of self exploration to handle after the purge of the energy of my emotions, but we all have to focus and determine by ourselves: the scenario of too much vicious circle. To avoid keep feeding the emotion and lost dimension or health (the frustration of one area of life could jump to another).

It helps me to create scales and the criteria that I want to consider so that an experience is named with a certain label, in the case you mention: Betray:

0 = nothing or neutral
1 = a few / little
2 = regular betray
3 = much
4 = total

This scale, allows me to size, my subjective world. That way, I build my alarm system and ask for help or find a resource. If I am not aware, I will repeat the pattern with another person or until I understand the causes, the edges of the relationships, the expectations and the fantasies that I build around the actions of others.
I must confess that if I don't have criteria to gradually fill my scale, I immediately jump to the extremes.

In my opinion, not all relationships can subsist, because if each party does not recognize its contribution to the problem, then it only operates in claims circles.
In the positive case, each party adjusts its actions to create new agreements.

A strategy that is useful to me, is to make rounds of mental silence, it gives me a pause, my adrenaline and cortisol decreases so I can activate my combinatorial logic, then solutions. But if I only feed the fury, the adrenaline is still in my brain and I cannot develop the assertiveness necessary to be in balance with myself. In congruence with this, some combination of exercise and meditation help restore biochemical harmony. It is a base to build. That is why is important to purge in a safe environment my emotions but not to increase them, just to allow the flow of them and drain. We all know that we can feed the emotion by thinking. Worry one hour a day, the rest focus on the other areas that are good, maybe have a meeting with another friend.

It is not necessary that you answer me this following questions, because I understand that there are levels of depth and privacy, but I hope that one of these will help you. You can record a video while you elaborate your answers, watch yourself, then erase the video:

• If you talk to your friend, what would you want to say?

• If you expose your disagreement and discomfort, would it be enough?

• How would you know that the intensity has already diminished? (what you mentioned as a topic of mental health).

• If he rejects you what would it mean? (Avoid black-white categories, create your own scales).

• If the things with that friend could be good, what new agreement would you like to propose him?

• With new friends, how can you propose a quality relationship? (to avoid to repeat situations).


♪ ♫ ♪
Jedi Master: Rosalyn J
Focus, discipline, integriteit, kennis en licht
My code:
The Force is all, I choose my Focus
Life includes suffering, I am Resilient
The Force include my imagination, I extract Wisdom and Harmony
Life includes adversity, I obtain Knowledge
I respect your Life, lets revitalize our Force while breathing
Last edit: 26 Oct 2019 00:18 by Jhannuzs Ian.
The following user(s) said Thank You: Carlos.Martinez3, OB1Shinobi, Trillcherek

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

26 Oct 2019 01:33 - 26 Oct 2019 01:34 #344850 by TheDude
Replied by TheDude on topic Facing fears of the past
In my opinion, you should talk to your friend. It is clear that you have strong emotional associations with this person, and they will not disappear overnight. When you let these emotions prevent you from reaching out, you may only be prolonging the inevitable.

Suppose that you do not reach out to your friend. It is impossible for you to find a satisfying resolution to your disputes. Possibly, you could carry a great weight on your shoulders for a long period of time.
Suppose you reach out to your friend and cannot find a satisfying resolution to your disputes. At least you can say you tried, and it will cease many of your inner questions regarding this matter.
Suppose that you reach out to your friend and do find a satisfying resolution to your disputes. All the better!

Do you see yourself finding satisfaction with these issues without speaking to them? If not, reaching out is the only option which provides you the opportunity to find resolution.

Edit: To answer the question directly: when is an emotion not at peace? It is when that emotion prevents you from making the choices which are in your best interest and in alignment with the will of the Force.
Last edit: 26 Oct 2019 01:34 by TheDude.
The following user(s) said Thank You: OB1Shinobi, Jhannuzs Ian, Trillcherek

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

26 Oct 2019 13:13 - 26 Oct 2019 14:53 #344856 by OB1Shinobi
Replied by OB1Shinobi on topic Facing fears of the past
Imo getting back in touch should depend on what the betrayal was because theres many different kinds; let me give some examples.
Not showing up for someones birthday party can be interpreted as betrayal.
Sharing something they asked you to keep secret probably counts as a betrayal.
Having sex with your friend’s significant other or them having sex with yours.
My personal favorite: slowly whittling away a partners’s self esteem by invalidating everything they do, constantly being manipulative and unreliable, and showing them just enough evidence that you're sleeping around to keep them worried but swearing loyalty and keeping your alibis tight.
And finally, hiring the mafia to kill your friend or partner is a pretty neat kind of betrayal, as well.

In some of these cases, getting back in touch might be the right thing to do. In some, absolutely not.

Sometimes betrayed people are not fully aware of their reasons for holding on. Betrayal undermines our sense of self and can result in powerful need for validation. Sometimes the hope is that the betrayer will admit the betrayal and acknowledge the value of the betrayed. “RECOGNIZE MY PAIN! RECOGNIZE MY DIGNITY!” is the refrain of the betrayed, at least sometimes. This is perfectly normal and understandable. The thing is, the betrayer has to agree that there was a betrayal and that it was one sided. They might see the event/s as trivial. Or they may see their own actions as justified. In the last examples up top, those are people who will never ever admit they've done anything wrong and will never give the validation being sought. Contacting such people is likely to result in more harm.

And then again, sometimes people just miss people they used to be close to. :shrug:

OP, i have no idea what your situation is and I'm not about to ask you to reveal it on the internet but its really not possible for me to tell you what you “should” do. Anything i say will be a projection of my own beliefs and life experiences onto yours and it wont really have anything to do with you. Which btw is typically true for “advice”. If youre looking for someone to give you permission, someone has. If youre hoping for someone to forbid you from making contact, someone will. But these sorts of social reinforcements dont really help you. Its your decision to make. The best things i can say about this one is to understand your own motives here and consider how this other person sees the situation and how they are likely to react.
Good luck.

People are complicated.
Last edit: 26 Oct 2019 14:53 by OB1Shinobi.
The following user(s) said Thank You: Jhannuzs Ian

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

09 Dec 2019 09:17 #347004 by Lizaslife
Replied by Lizaslife on topic Facing fears of the past
Hello! I think, here is an issue of your emotional condition in general. I don't believe, this situation with an old friend bothered you all your life until this moment, because (I'm sure) you had more important things to do. Now, when you have an opportunity to face your past you feel fear not because it's horrible situation, but because you remember how you felt in those days, when you had issues with your friend. Now he\she associated with this fear, associated with unpleasant feelings. But in fact, it may be turned out, that now your old friend is an absolutely another man with another values, feelings and attitude to your relations or even you personally.
I think, you shouldn't expect from him\her specific behavior. Let your old friend being himself and stay yourself either.

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

Moderators: KobosBrick