An interesting supplement to our discussion on the Confidant

05 Nov 2015 23:06 #207823 by Proteus
How might a discussion or an attempt to be there for someone go if, for example, something bad happened to me, and I don't believe in that phrase for the points that have been stated here, and a friend who Did believe in that phrase wished to be there for me by trying to cheer me up and make the bad situation "better" by using this phrase? Would you simply reject their console? Would you find yourself entering into a debate about "reason", distracting you from the original subject of the matter? How would that scenario go? How would one best respond to someone trying to "be there" for you with that phrase?

It seems that I know that I know.
What I would like to see is the 'I' that knows me when I know that I know that I know.
- Alan Watts
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06 Nov 2015 01:16 #207830 by Breeze el Tierno
If you are the grieving party, you might simply try to make the best of it. It depends on how volatile you are right then. I have gotten very angry in the past who start talking about god's plan in the context of my personal loss.

That's why this is so important. If nothing else, the Confidant should do no additional harm. For what it's worth, when people do ask me whether or not some grander plan is at work, I answer honestly: I don't know.
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12 Nov 2015 11:27 #208632 by Akkarin
If we're reasoning (purposeful) beings then we create our own reason and purpose. In every event that happens we can choose the purpose to take from it.

"Everything happens for a reason" is kind of a dismissal if you're just a passive player in the scene, stuff just happens to us from some kind of outside agency.

But there's no reason why we couldn't think of ourselves as an active actor rather than a passive one, what is the reason you take away from everything that happens to you?

Though the passive interpretation is what the quote seems most obviously to be implying.

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12 Nov 2015 17:52 #208665 by OB1Shinobi
i dont know if gender is really relevant or not but i have seen that a fairly common complaint among women is that men are always trying to "fix" their problems when they vent

like if she talks about something at work thats upsetting her, its not necessarily necessary to tell her how to handle it or "help her" figure it out or to point out the silver lining

i think this principle applies to serious grief especially - not always, but often

there are times - moments at least - when there really isnt any consolation, only pain

i think being a confidant demands a great deal of sensitivity to the other persons state, and no one answer will always be right

People are complicated.
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13 Nov 2015 01:37 #208744 by Rickie
There is a lot of "stuff" going on around us we will ever know or understand. Shit happens, deal with it the best you can, learn from it if you can, don't dwell on it so it drags you down and move on with your life. Life's an adventure, doesn't mean it's always good and/or happy but it's worth living and making the best out of it as you can. :-)

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