Caterpillars Blowing Smoke

When one finds or takes offense, I think it strikes a nerve in the belief system or attacks a certain attached feeling. Or an unconfronted truth which one attempts to mask.

My opinion/perspective/focus at the moment....

I think it is more of a how, than a why.
Why be offended?
How does one find offense...

I'm not offended, fact I am to the point where I expect as such. I used to be offended, when he was a Council member and was tolerated because of necessity, which left a real bad taste in my mouth before I left. It was my stupidity to make the assumption that Council members hold themselves to at least a somewhat honorable method for expressing themselves, especially in front of minors no doubt...

What makes you think you have a right to any more of someone's opinion than what they choose to give you?

I give them my time and effort... I think it's not too much to ask they be honest, forthright and genuine (which I am also)....


As to forming relationships.... There is no fake in a relationship and no relationships in fakeness. How do you guys make friends/partner/spouses?

By the opposite of fake,
real...
Being real...
keeping it real.

I see this as an author who has rejected some of the outcome of their works....

I am not surprised. Is what it is....

:whistle:

Sweet. Is it being used as a stand in for polite?

Real (blunt, honest, sincere) is not the opposite of polite (kind, civil, compassionate). I am troubled when I hear that. One can be completely honest without being rude. The truth is not what is harsh. The unskilled holder of the truth is harsh. Especially if the truth is difficult, it should be delivered with care. Complete, clear, compassionate.

If you cannot deliver a difficult truth in a respectful manner then the fault lies not with the truth but with the poor skill level of the communicator. A great deal of work to be done there.

And all of this is predicated on the notion that the truth is inherently harsh. That seems to leave out a substantial portion of life. If your truth leaves out the beautiful, or at least emotionally neutral, elements of life, it seems not to serve.

We are moving into black & white thinking here. Very rigid. To echo Khaos from a bit earlier, I do not require that you agree with me. I ask only that you think it over. When we say that we a keeping it real when we are rude, are we not surrendering our critical faculties, our agency, to resentment and an angry mask over our fear?

I have been looking over this thread and really don’t know what to think about it. :blink:

My first though is that many people seem to be making a big “to do” about a lot of nothing. :whistle:

If that was really Khaos’s last post here than I believe it will be our loss. I have always known him as a valiant antagonist. I do not share all of his views but he often posed questions or statements which caused a further examination of some aspect of the topic. And that is very healthy; rather anyone likes it or not.

Many of us, all of sometimes, post things which are not received well by others. Sure, some do it more than others. Who are we to say who is right and who is wrong? :S

There will always be that one person that says things that is not popular. Shoot, sometimes I think that guy is me! And there will always be those who claim to just be brutally honest when everyone else just sees it as being brutal. Guess what… that is your opinion! You are welcome to it but it is just that, your opinion.

Proteus hit the nail on the head, “why does it bother you so much?” :laugh:

We each tend to get very confident and self-righteous when we are in a group that we all share some common idea or goal. And ganging up on people should not be our way. I don’t care who answered what question, or what they responded to, or any of that noise. When I read a post I ask myself, were there any rules broken? Then I address the material of the post. I try to figure out the tone of the individual and ascertain the message that was attempted to be conveyed. If the reply bothered me, I let it go and move on the next thing. I can always come back to it later. I don’t need to prove that I’m right. I certainly don’t need others to prove that they are right either. Especially since most of what is shared is personal opinion. There is no right or wrong! There’s only yours and mine.

I’m sure there were other things I saw in this thread I wanted to cover, but I’ve probably said enough to get on plenty of people’s nerves as it is without continuing on. :dry:

And if I have written something that does bother you then perhaps you should ask yourself why! I have not used names or specific instances. Just things that I have noticed. I have not called anyone out… so why would it bother you? So if it does, think about it.

ren wrote: For example if Arcade tells me "sweet" things instead of what he really thinks, what he does is either:
-Hide his true opinion from me on purpose (which is alarming, especially for the kind of stuff we discuss at totjo. These aren't negotiations with world peace at stake)
-Believe that I am in some way not capable of understanding what he truly means to say.
-Rob me of an opportunity to give some thoughts to his ideas and react to them (positively or negatively).

IMO your wrong there, and that could be the basis of why that behaviour annoys some people. Perhaps re-evaluate and adjust if you want better results, as what I see is a presumption by you to know someone might be hiding an opinion simply because they adjust their speech to facilitate calm discussion. Your belief in that particular logic structure (which is a direct victim mentality assumption of 1. other person bad, 2. other person not trusting me, 3. other person stealing from me) could generate an defensive emotional momentum within you, causing you to blame them for what really is an entirely imagined insult, IMO. The stories we whisper to ourselves quietly are the loudest sounds we'll hear.

One big disfunctional family. Bring the shoutbox back, or get us tickets to the Springer show....lol

Well, that's great and all, but at the end of the day, we have Arcade here basically asking people not to communicate with him because he can't handle it. I think this proves his method of being polite is in fact preventing communication.

ren wrote: Well, that's great and all, but at the end of the day, we have Arcade here basically asking people not to communicate with him because he can't handle it. I think this proves his method of being polite is in fact preventing communication.

You ok ren? I imagine you realise your insulting people in public so I wonder why.... its not needed to have to achieve the discussion.