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    • The Journies of Gypsy Jon (Last post by Kohadre)
    • It has been an eventful couple of weeks since my last update in this journal. At my parents suggestion, I went to the local hospital, and requested I be admitted to their psych ward for an evaluation. I had to explain the reasons I was there to at least 10 people, who took notes but never passed them on to the next person so that I didn't have to keep repeating myself (Maybe they threw them in the trash?). I ended up being admitted to the hospital around 5:00am on Saturday, after having gone in the night before around 10:00pm, and waiting the night in their holding area for psychiatric patients. I arrived at the psych ward around 5:30am on Saturday morning, and decided to try and stay up the rest of the day so that I would be able to sleep through the night and maintain a regular sleep schedule. During breakfast (around 8:00am on Saturday), I had an elderly female patient steal part of my breakfast, place trash on my plate, and then grab ahold of me. I took what was left of my meal and ate in my room. This woman had regular outbursts throughout the day, such as tossing liquid on other patients, pissing herself in retaliation for not getting her way, screaming and yelling, swearing, stealing patients food, and swearing (This continued throughout my entire stay in the psych ward). I assumed once night arrived that she would quiet down for the evening and go to bed (no fucking chance). She screamed all night long at regular intervals, which, on top of staff coming into my room every 15 minutes and shining a flashlight in my face to make sure I was breathing, made it very difficult to sleep. During my first few days in the hospital, I was trying to get my medications which I had been taking prior to arriving in the psych ward. On Sunday afternoon (I arrived Friday evening), I was told by the on-call doctor that my medications would not be refilled as she believed "They weren't at a therapeutic dose". I went the remainder of the week without medication and remained relatively stable. I spent my 25th birthday in the hospital, which was Monday the 18th of August. My family and girlfriend made the day as special for me as it could have possibly been given the circumstances I was in and the limitations placed upon us by hospital staff. They brought me in cake, cards, and presents, and I requested they take the cards and gifts home so as to prevent them from being stolen by other patients or even staff. The day after (Tuesday), was an important day for me both in the hospital, and as an day in my overall life. I opened up to my parents, and informed them of my molestation at the hands of a black man as a child, while living in Pennsylvania. After doing this, I immediately felt a sense of relief and inner calm as I no longer carried this in the manner which I had for decades. I also spoke with my assigned psychiatrist for the second time on Tuesday, and informed him that it was irritating when he talked over me and interrupted me when I was trying to say something, which he continued to do even after I mentioned it. I even called my family to express my concern, however they (in my opinion) side stepped it by suggesting I find reading materials on the subjects I was concerned about and had wanted to discuss with my doctor. On Wednesday, I found out that my psychiatrist had advised my parents that it was in my best interest, and the interest of my parents, that I not be allowed to return to and continue to live at home. I also found out that my parents had agreed with this advisement, and had made the decision to remove me from their house. The thing that bothered me most about this was not that I was being "kicked-out", but instead that I had to find this out from my psychiatrist instead of my parents. I also spoke with my doctor on Wednesday and said I would be willing to try and go back on medications to see if my condition improved at all, as I had started to become irritated, agitated, and upset as a result of my experiences on the psych ward and worsening of my condition. I expressed some concerns about the medications I was prescribed by my doctor with my parents, and they agreed with those concerns. They additionally suggested I ask for a diagnosis based on my condition at the present time I was in the hospital. Once it reached the time when medications were distributed on Wednesday night, I decided not to take the ones I was prescribed due to unaddressed concerns which I wanted to discuss with my doctor the following day. On Thursday, I spoke with the psychiatrist again, and requested I be diagnosed based on my present condition. He re-diagnosed me with the same condition I came into the hospital to address, and informed me he would not release me from the psych ward unless I took the medications he had prescribed me. I agreed to take the medications in order to get out and remain stable once I was out, and my condition started to improve almost immediately after taking them. Fast forward to Monday. The psychiatrist spoke with me again and informed me that I might be able to leave that day, or on Tuesday. To be honest, I didn't have much hope that I would be released in the timeline he had estimated. Additionally, after being informed of my upcoming release from the hospital, I started to become uncertain about where exactly I was going to end up after leaving, and what I could expect upon arriving to that unknown place. On Tuesday, I spoke with the psychiatrist again (I skipped recreation therapy in order to make sure I saw him that afternoon). After meeting with him, he informed me that he would not be comfortable releasing me into a homeless shelter. He also asked if there was any way my parents would allow me to return home, and I informed him that was not an option (Reminder: the psychiatrist advised my parents not to allow me back home). I called my parents to discuss some things with them on Tuesday night, and they informed me of their advocacy to try and get me into stable housing, and were very upset that I was going to end up in a homeless shelter. On Wednesday night, the woman who had made my life, and the lives of all the patients and staff on the psych ward a living hell, was moved off the unit and into a full-blown psychiatric center (funny farm), where I expect she will remain for the rest of her natural life. I felt surprisingly calm and at ease given my circumstances and what I thought I could expect once being released from the hospital. At the time, I was unsure if it was just a strong resolve, or not fully understanding or appreciating the severity of the circumstances with which I would be dealing. The thought also occurred to me that I could either turn this series of events into what many would consider to be a fairytale, or I could choose to allow myself to be consumed by the abyss. On my last night on the psych ward, one of the patients broke her door in an outrage at having been woken up during checks (The staff would come into your room ever 15 minutes and shine a flashlight in your face to make sure you were still breathing). The staff gave her what we patients referred to as "The shot". That place deserves itself. On Thursday, I was released from the hospital, and my Dad helped me get my prescriptions for the medications I needed to take. Unfortunately, the hospital pharmacy did not have one of the medications I needed, so my Dad went to another pharmacy and got a partial prescription (Which was left at the shelter I am currently staying in). Upon arriving at the shelter I was referred to, I was registered as a "resident", and assigned a bed. I was also given the chance to take a hot shower, and eat a warm meal, which really helped my morale given the situation. In the evening, I attended a service held at the shelters chapel (although I don't believe). Friday was my first official day of homelessness. I got a ride down to my parents house, and picked up some essential things I would need such as a sleeping bag, clothing, hygiene products, backpack & rain cover, water bladder, and various other essentials. I also stopped by a local shop and picked up a pair of "push daggers" I had ordered shortly before my stay in the hospital, which will help me feel safer by having a means of protecting myself if god forbid, I ever was forced into a situation where I had to. I also walked a couple blocks and picked up the remainder of the prescription which my father had placed for me, and fortunately it cost nothing additional out of pocket. On my was there, I saw one of the famous painted "public" pianos, with a wedding going directly across the street from it. After walking back to the shelter and going through my pack, I noticed it had a very large tear in one of the pockets that exposed the main section of the bag. I am hoping that it holds up for me, and if not, that I can manage an emergency repair using a small roll of duck tape I have. I also remembered I had around $16.00 in my wallet, which is really the last bit of cash I have as my bank account is in the red around $100.00 due to auto-billing overdrawing my account. One thing I learned I had to make a priority, was to get more water in my system. I would estimate I drank around 1l-1.5l of water my first day out, which isn't nearly enough as the body needs around 3l of water in warm/hot climates with heavy physical activity added to the equation. I also trimmed down the "fat" of my backpack that evening, so that I could reduce the weight and carry only what I absolutely needed. And now I am at a public library typing all this up. I will keep you updated as things happen. -Jon
    • What is spiritual welfare according to the pastor ... (Last post by Aqua)
    • Dear Jedi, I am working on my Initiate Programme, task 0. The explanation of the Pastor is ,,overseeing the spiritual welfare of the temple`` I was wondering what does it mean to oversee the spiritual welfare of the temple, what is spiritual welfare and what does it mean to be a pastor, what is his / here role in the Jedi Order? May the Forge be with us, Aqua
    • Recurring Dreams (Last post by SeventhSL)
    • Interesting dream Adder. I've had similar dreams a couple of times. They are not recurring, vivid or anything but they really leave me with a horrible feeling. Funny thing is it is always after I have had a period where I haven't been the best partner. Work stress, lack of communication, etc has been taking its toll on the relationship. It's kind of like my subconscious feels like I should be doing a better job and so expects some kind of retaliation from my partner hence the dream. They even stop happening once I lift my act. Not saying this is your case by any means. Just sharing as it might ring true for others.
    • The Imperishable Gem (Last post by Alexandre Orion)
    • "If language was given to men to conceal their thoughts, then gesture's purpose was to disclose them." ~ John Napier, Hands ,1980, p. 166
    • Is Consciousness A State Of Matter, Like a Solid, ... (Last post by Gisteron)
    • The reason I ask about necessary conditions to identify consciousness is because with plants you already accepted that a brain isn't one. We may assume a body would be. Now, if the capacity for choice is not a requirement, plants would be conscious by that definition (even the ones eating insects or turning themselves towards the sun never display the capacity to choose otherwise), but by the same token every rock would be conscious, too. One may then move the target and say that only living things (by the biological definition) can be conscious, and why would one make that arbitrary distinction? Besides, how many would object to hearing the earth is not a conscious unit? On the other hand, if displayed capacity for choice is a requirement, that leaves us with only a small subset of living things, namely animals with a nervous system so complex that we no longer are able to track the necessary and unavoidable processes and are left attributing the outcome to what we perceive as a conscious choice of one thing over another. All of procaryotic life, few-celled organisms, fungi, plants and polyps, sponges and corals and a number of other animal types I can't recall from the top of my head would have to be excluded from the set of known conscious beings on earth. In a sense it does only come back to definitions. But then how can we reasonably discuss any statement unless we establish a framework to work from and make the statement specific enough to be adressed ;)
    • Buddha and the Cat (Last post by Connor L.)
    • Should things be cursed for their nature? It's all about perspective, right? I mean, Buddha didn't banish the cats. ;) He was dead and gone. It was his misguided students who made the call. Actually just makes me question teachers' opinions.
    • military strain (Last post by ren)
    • Quote: I lost count of how many marriages collapsed while I was in the navy Funny how their recruitment folk will do everything to convince you you can have a very stable family life, yet every guy who's been in the unform more than a year you meet says otherwise... And don't even think about trying your luck with the female officers, commandment wants to keep them for themselves (but BS you that it's a matter of national security and whatnot)....
    • Cultural misappropriation (Last post by ren)
    • Not exactly "cultural misappropriation" (as if culture belongs to anyone lol), but another good example of how people will be offended by anything: www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2737867...s-rare-disorder.html
    • Prophetic Dreams (Last post by Koji)
    • Hello fam! I sound just about the same as you I had a time in my life maybe 2 or 3 months where I had a bunch of dreams. Now when something important happens in my life I remember the dream and I know that I am on the right path. Perhaps I should meditate on them to see what it is that I was told. When I was reading the original post by Rickie the grey, I heard, "do not try to control these gifts but let them flow through you" so release control and you will see something amazing. Adder, it is grate that you can totally pic up on the ripples of time, meditate and see what comes to you, bring peace with you always and bliss out, reach out to the ripples and see if that peace doesn't help out. =) forms of peace= happy(ness)= hopeful norm. forms of distress= compressed emotions/energies= need for decompression Answer: identification, interpretation, (solution=action+reaction=outcome) advice, release attachment to outcome with understanding and love.
    • Lucid Dreams (Last post by RyuJin)
    • All my dreams are in color and highly detailed...I have full control, but most of the time I'm a spectator watching myself from a distance (think all the penseive visions in harry potter)...the me that is watching knows it's a dream, the me being watched does not...sometimes the spectator me "possesses" the other me to interact with elements in the dream...
    • What Do We Mean By "Temple"? (Last post by Aqua)
    • The ancient Sumerian word for temple means waiting room (the location where the deity can stay). I personally believe that everything is interconnected, so the deity (the force) sit in us all, cause and effect, to take energy and to give it back. Temple is a place were we can share our energy in a neutral state. We are a whole, use each other's energy, to learn an reach another consciousness phase. I guess this means Temple according to the ancient civilizations.
    • Jedi Prayers / Psalms / Invocations (Last post by Koji)
    • Stepping out into darkness again, an other life an other mission soon to end, ever unsure but always hopeful, for The Lord of all is near. Inside every heart and soul the beacon on truth shines bright, the time is now to not say "you need to know The Lord!" for we are already in his sight. Know him as you will for It is not by good works nor by money in which we are freed, but in our connection to freedom its self, allowing us to be righteous and Holy, set apart for God. ~Jedi Koji
    • Unquestioned belief (Last post by Acheron)
    • Quote: When I say, unshakable, I mean that despite logic and evidence, I've not yet found a way to let go of the belief. And "unquestioned", I mean continuing to think that the things we believe are somehow external and true. Never exploring "why" we have that belief. Or building on it. Some people discover something that suits them and then never grow from there. Getting stuck in it and never evolving. Which is just as bad in my opinion. To “believe” implies uncertainty. To let go of the belief you must learn to let go of the doubt which surrounds that belief. When logic and evidence are strong enough the doubt becomes transparent. Perhaps your search for evidence hasn’t reached its conclusion just yet…? Look through the doubt… An Unquestioned belief isn’t without its dangers. But at times can provide more comfort than reasonable facts. We would be mindful to remember that even the truth can be seen a lie for the hearts and minds malcontent to embrace it.

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