How should I handle this situation?

Amyntas wrote: You have a big problem indeed imo , by denying both of you to share your faith with your children you have set yourself up for failure in inter-human and family ,relationships , i think its the childrens mothers good right to explain what she believes in , and your good right to explain what you believe is and , if you want your kids to have a good relationship with their Nan she should be allowed to share her religion aswell , i would advice you to have a bit more faith in your children , i was brought up inter religious with one side telling me Jezus was a liar and the other that Jezus was the Messiah , and family members that were claiming they were clairvoyant etc , its part of life , your kids will pick a lot of this up at school etc , when your daughter comes home with a book about Jezus , leave it in the middle if Jezus exsist or not , you and your ex both have no right to ask the other to not talk to their children what moves you. Its a paralizing argument and obviously causing unneeded conflict. But that is just my opinion ...

Thank you for your opinion on this matter. I'm not denying anyone's right to share information with their child or grandchild. However, the question is when.

If one of your parents says Jesus was a liar and the other says he is the messiah, maybe you choose neither because of the conflicting views or maybe you choose one based on your level of trust for the person making that argument. Either way, a child who cannot separate fact or fiction from an adult should not, imho, be put in a position to choose which adult in her life to believe or who to trust. The worst thing to me is that maybe she thinks granny is telling the truth because she believes it so strongly and because she's older, not because she convinced her with facts and evidence. Sorting these things out before one is mentally equipped is, at least, confusing and even the bible says that God is not the author of confusion.

Let's say the 3 of us (mother, father, grandmother) were teaching the same child math. What if the question was what is 2 + 2? And what if my answer was 4 and the other 2 were different? Well each person with a belief tends to have a bias (go figure) towards their belief. That's why they choose it. So essentially we're all saying 3 different things to an extent but we all think our answer is the one true correct answer.

steamboat28 wrote: If you push your beliefs on your children, what makes you different than others?

Please understand that there is an inherent credibility that a parent has that a parent lends to the ideas they teach their child. When a grandparent uses her authority and credibility to back one particular myth, leading to one particular religion, I would at the very least, want to use my own credibility in order to cancel out the effect of her grandmother's credibility on the subject matter so that she can believe more freely, not based on what I say, or she says, or anyone says; but rather believe based on what makes the most sense to her.

But witnessing the power of religious indoctrination up close I can tell you that when you can get the very rational brain of a child to ignore the basic rules of reality and subscribe to an imaginary friend with magic powers... that reality defying feat doesn't mean you just made a masterful argument that no child could argue against. It just means they trust you. Using that trust to push YOUR beliefs isn't fair to their development. I have decided to educate her in a way to understand why people believe myths so that she doesn't have to debate whether or not these adults are lying to her because that's not fair for an 8 year old to have to do. Education, not conclusions, is my goal.

Why couldn't you explain to your children what each of you believe, but at that they don't have to believe? We teach religious education in schools so that kids are equipped to understand people believe different things. Why not offer that education to your children yourself?

but we all think our answer is the one true correct answer.

Problem located , how are you going to solve it ?

Faith is not mathematically equitable.

It is a trust, a confidence in something unprovable. Not because we can prove it but because it is good; and, in our hearts we know it is true.
“Our knowledge has made us cynical. Our cleverness, hard and unkind. We think too much and feel too little… More than cleverness we need kindness and gentleness. Without these qualities, life will be violent and all will be lost.” Charlie Chaplin, the Great Dictator ~ the Barber’s Speech

But they aren't "lying". They're "educating" about their beliefs. You cannot prove or disprove "myth", because it's all true (metaphorically) regardless of whether or not it happened or exists.

Educate, but be careful how you do so, or you will be indoctrinating the same as someone else. We all like to believe we're "right", but true knowledge lies in knowing we don't know.

Edan wrote: Why couldn't you explain to your children what each of you believe, but at that they don't have to believe? We teach religious education in schools so that kids are equipped to understand people believe different things. Why not offer that education to your children yourself?

Because by the very act of me telling them what I believe or think is true I'm automatically committing my credibility to it. It would be different if I was addressing a classroom. My kids want to know what I like, what my favorite things are, any they ask a thousand questions as they continuously strive to know their parents and where they came from and what's normal relative to themselves. If I said the world is flat they might think I was joking but if they thought I was serious then if they didn't have the means to falsify that opinion they might take it as fact. Unfortunately, this is what happened when my mother got involved. Now my 8 year old thinks Jesus is real and its not because Jesus spoke to her... or her heart spoke to her... or donkey spoke to her... but because a person of high esteem spoke to her. That's not a good reason, in my opinion, for my child, to be a believer in Jesus. Everyone can feel free to disagree based upon their own beliefs but I don't want my kids accepting something that isn't falsifiable based on someone's word alone.

Wescli Wardest wrote: Faith is not mathematically equitable.

It is a trust, a confidence in something unprovable. Not because we can prove it but because it is good; and, in our hearts we know it is true.
“Our knowledge has made us cynical. Our cleverness, hard and unkind. We think too much and feel too little… More than cleverness we need kindness and gentleness. Without these qualities, life will be violent and all will be lost.” Charlie Chaplin, the Great Dictator ~ the Barber’s Speech

Thank you for your opinion. However, how do you know what you just said is true?

There are all manner of things said about faith, but that doesn't mean people understand where it comes from or why a religion would reinforce it by saying that you have to have it. People are playing hide and go seek with a deity that has no reason to play this game, no reason to hide from his creations, no reason to talk in code, no reason to have as his mouthpieces, murderers and liars, no reason to require human inventions like writing or the printing press to spread his messages. I could go on and on and on and I never even had questions like these before I stopped having blind faith.

I did not have the opportunity, as a child, to decide if Jesus was real or not. It was taught to us by every credible adult in our lives. I even spent a couple early years in a religious school. This amounts to psychological reinforcement. There are children born and raised in cults and no one thinks to free them because that's what their parents taught. There are children that are even married to older perverts because they make up some religious basis for it. And when you don't have any skepticism or independent thought, creating a buffer between your brain and the external forces of the world, you can potentially create a gullibility that is willing to accept literally anything.

Including this:


and this:

steamboat28 wrote: But they aren't "lying". They're "educating" about their beliefs. You cannot prove or disprove "myth", because it's all true (metaphorically) regardless of whether or not it happened or exists.

Educate, but be careful how you do so, or you will be indoctrinating the same as someone else. We all like to believe we're "right", but true knowledge lies in knowing we don't know.

This video contains a beard, bad singing, and some foul language

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_k3kal8Xzu8

I don't disagree with you. However, you are an adult and using the logic of an adult.

A child may not tell you that they think you're lying, but if they define a lie as a statement that isn't true, or false... then to them it is a lie. The nuances in life tend to comes when we get a little older. To be considered a lie it has to be intentional but false statements told with sincerity and/or passion often appear to be more truthful. And children aren't lie detectors. At a certain age they can be convinced that a fat man somehow squeezes down their chimney and delivers toys every year. Critical thinking is something that has to develop. And again, if my child was presented with a myth that would be a different story. However, she was presented with a real person and therefore thinks Jesus is real. She's 8.

“By the word religion I have seen the lunacy of fanatics of every denomination be called the will of God. I've seen too much religion in the eyes of too many murderers. Holiness is in right action, and courage on behalf of those who cannot defend themselves. And goodness - what God desires - is here (points to Balian's head ) and here (points to Balian's heart ) and by what you decide to do every day you will be a good man...or not.” Hospitaller, the Kingdom of Heaven

The evil actions of men can always be cited.
So can the acts of kindness.
Which I notice you did not cite.
But neither one of these is faith. Faith is what incites one to act upon what is taught or one believes. Your child will have faith in something rather you like it or not; just as you do. The question is, what will your child have faith in?