Zanthan's Blog

I figure I should move more of my notes and thoughts online as my current apprentice begins her own trials here in Minnesota. The past few years have been amazing. My two apprentices that are continuing to learn do as they can, even take the carved sabers with them each day to remember their oath.

It makes a Master proud to see his students continue their knowledge and journey without as much instruction as before. I remember when they were just a couple of people who's interest I quirked at a local coffee shop when I was writing a lecture. Little did I know they would turn out to become students and friends, Knights and then lovers. It was a proud day for me when I knighted Doriann, even prouder when I married him and His wife.

I just got done with a 16 hour shift at the hospital so this first entry will be brief, but if you have no fear of my oddity then feel free to stay turned.

To those who know me: Im back, sorry if I scared you ;P
To those who don't know me:....... Hi!

Last week before Doriann left with his wife for England ( they get vacation, lucky) we went on one of our long walks. Interestingly enough it was the same path that we took a long time ago when he had made up his mind to ask for my guidance in Jediism.

I like walks while talking about lessons, life and thoughts about everything. There is a park near my old apartment, island lake park near Shoreview, MN. There is a pier next to a small forest and about a mile of trail to just walk thru. The dense life and peace of this place makes it one of my favorite to meditate at. Well, we got tot he pier and looked over the lake and talked about his journey. He had some things he was worried about and after addressing them, we remembered it was the place he took his oath and the very place I knighted him. We spoke about how he felt, like me he felt that balance was a key to his life, he wanted to learn. He was afraid at times that people would not take him seriously, it still brings a smile to my face when I replied reminding him that it was the constitution of our own convictions that we must worry about, not others reactions, for we would be judged by our actions.

That evening long ago, I remember being nervous as well, each time I have one take the oath it makes me nervous. The reminder of the responsibility that I am to teach and guide, it is hefty challenge especially with everything going on in our lives. He knelt and before I could even begin the ceremony he tried to begin, it was very hard not to smile. I held out my hand and opened my book where I had transcribed the ceremony, I spoke to him, reading the words adding my own where necessary, I entrust a ceremonial hilt to each student after I have them built their own, a symbol of my trust and respect. I take theirs as a reminder of my obligation to them. I had such pride in the man who trusted without hesitation.

We stood and went to build a fire after removed our robes, we sat and talked some about life, our relationships as he was curious, as was his fiancee about life with a jediist. We ended the night relaxing, and of course with his first assignment.

Sacrifice..

This is a debated subject by many.
Sacrifice is selfless giving of one's self and/or possessions, emotions, etc to another or the benefit of another. There is a time for this and there is a time to let others learn to sacrifice for themselves.

Jedi need to understand that sometimes holding action is as needed as acting in situations.

It has been taught to many to learn to read a situation if only for a moment. Many apprentices are eager to act as learning has become their life, they wish to hone their skill in the real world.

There have been many who have found themselves risking all for situations that do not require it, that only require patience. This too is a sacrifice as we must wait for those who are suffering to find their own strength. This is one of the hardest lessons to learn, when to wait and when to not.

Myself I have fallen victim to this flaw and ended up with injuries that could have been avoided.

In the end we must ask ourselves: what is worth the sacrifice? How much am I willing to sacrifice?

To Me: I will sacrifice life and limb for those I see as worthy in the situation, I have gone into a situation knowing I should not come out alive, but with a plan to assure others do. Luckily I was found worthy in the eyes of the force not to yet be called back into it, but to serve in my own way.

This is one of the hardest sacrifices to make, but it is my choice, not anyone else's. No one can judge another for what they choose to sacrifice for the sake of others, only that they have. Opinions are a guarantee of anyone who is free, but forcing those opinions on others is not. A warning, you will see loved ones, people you care about sacrifice more than you think they should. Do not scold them, tell them how you feel, but acknowledge that it is their choice.

So last week was very very very very very looonnnng. However, I had a great time! A couple days at work over the 4th of July to enjoy the festivities and the unique injuries that come with I can't miss.

Then I was medical officer at CONvergence. A local sci-fi convention. While this is fun and awesome, it is not the best part of this convention, neither was the rave room ( but that was great too). The best part was the 3 hour conversation started by a couple people about jediism. I walked by and heard the following words, "I wish Jedi had an actual religion.." I interjected and went through the basics of the code, the way of life and such with them right there. Liz and Miles were the by far the most interested of the 20 or so people that were there by the end of it. Some I think thought it was just an RPG or something, however, a few are thinking of joining the Roseville chapter locally. Huzzah!

These two, Liz and Miles though, they had great attitudes, outlooks and got their head around it pretty quick. I am really excited.

July update transcript:

It is a hard thing, explaining to my congregation what is required for acceptance by the whole. I told them why there needed to be more steps and how parts of thier training would have to be redone. What distresses me is that some left, while they promise to keep in touch, they said they don't want to answer to another, that they like me as thier master, not others who do not know them or our community. None wish at this time to join the online community, I frown on this, but I can not force them. As the old maxim says: you can lead a horse to water, but you can not force it to drink.

I am both proud and heartbroken by these reactions. On one hand they bring me pride, knowing they trust me and respect me enough to keep my first teaching to heart. Be True to Your Principles and Stand Your Ground. Ronan and Gregori are good men and jedi. I hope that they continue thier path toward enlightenment. I will miss thier voices, both are outspoken and come from different religious and spritual beliefs.I enjoy debating with both of them. It is hard to see them go.

I have started a new lecture series. This way there is a theme for each month. The next 3 months will cover the basic 3 tenents of jediism: Focus, Knowledge and Wisdom.

Since focus if first. I will start by using the basics of meditation, most of my congregation know these, but the two new members Brian and Chris, they are brand new. Still learning. they both took a while to grasp it, had to get one to sit still long enough. note to self, tell members to not drink mountain dew just before attempting guided meditation. Once they have guided focus, I will start on why it is needed so much by not only jedi, but the world.

In the world today, so many jobs ( I use mine as an example) need focus. Especially when you have to, quickly analyze and react to a situation. In Jediism, that focus is needed to ascertain truth. The hard part, and where focus really comes into play, is that determining which of multiple truths is the one that relates and matches the question you are posed with. For instance, when assigned multiple tasks, which one is first? second? thrid? so on and so forth? Focus lets one keep mind of the task at hand and not loose sight of the over all board as well. Examples? Im actually impressed by the new and old members at this point, they started a conversation about focus, using examples from everyones lives, that lasted roughly 40 minutes. Its kind awesome. All I had to do is sit back and assure they stayed on task. The more experienced in life moved those without much experience along to the mindset that focused mind is a force to recon with. Brian, the oldest of the congregation in his mid 30s actually impressed me with his modesty. His ego didn't get in the way as with some of the younger ones.

My assignment for july for the congregation: find what allows you to focus the best, and what keeps you from focusing.

Some won't be present as many are going on vacation during july, but will be back in august.

There was no meeting in july as there was an abundance of people who had conflicting schedules. However in august we had a nice meeting which ended in a good sized bonfire at a friend's home. The topic this month was introspection. Why medititation is so vital to helping us to continually discover ourselves, to help us identify and thus give possible avenues to righting our own wrongs, to help us grow, to help us mature and move forward with our life, most of all to learn to accept ourselves for what we are, even if that isnt the storybook ideal we wish it was.

there were only 4 excluding myself who came to the congregation in the park this month, as we walked many voiced that they had often thought of themselves as light, but were terrified of going to the dark side, or becoming evil. This is a valid concern, but one that is not as serious as they think. I cautioned them that it is only my opinion, but that we are all shades of grey. It is important to take a step back and take into context ALL of what we do, to see is there a balance? or are we top or bottom heavy? In the end, there is always that if there is a will, there is a way to reconcile what has been done. Small acts, that we see as miniscule can have a huge impact on other people who we have wronged. It may be awkward to call and say, "im sorry." or to write a note, but taking on yourself, using your concionce as your guide, it helps us grow inside.

They agreed, though admitted it was hard to give up, what they percieved as the high ground, I see that again as a foolish though. It is the wise and mature person who can admit wrongs and see to it that they either don't do it again or at least learn from it ourselves.

September - November - moved to email discussions.

Sepember was an extension of introspection along with a review of the hero's journey, as I see them as intimately linked.

October is about action. I am charging my friends with the notion of being open about thier jediism. I partially blame myself. I do not boast my religion, but that is because I used to and looking back, I believe the way I believe for me, not for everyone else, I stopped doing that. I speak plainly about it. One told me they thought I was just saying i was a jediist for kicks before she realized I preached it as well. I had not told them about how I started in jediism. I believe I have already told it once or twice in the forums so I wont go into it (pm me if you really want to know), but once they heard my beginnings. My assignment was much easier to accept. They are to not hide it, there are to find a way to express themselves in the open if they feel they can, if they arent then I asked them to email me or call me, just to talk about it. I do not judge, some people are just not ready to be open about belief in jediism in a world that sees us all as fan boys/girls.

November will be an extension of this, but this time combining the last 3 months and more of the lectures to applicable actions within each persons life.

December is tentatively about death, celebrating life and rebirth in the everlasting force. How it affects us, how we are influenced by it.

Looking over my notes on my congregations discussions on death and the force. This should be interesting. Enough that I am reworking it into a seperate topic. I will impart though that this was the most difficult topic yet. Some were frightened of the prospect of death, others (referencing Harry Potter *chuckle*) referred to death as a friend at the end of the road. It took two months to really get everyone's opinions out.

I hope you all will enjoy it.

I'm looking forward to seeing it.

Parts 1 and 2 are up in the philosophy section of the forums. The third will be a it in the coming. I am about to become an uncle again and a godfather, I am posting this while waiting for the good news in the waiting area of the hospital.

I have been a healer for years.

For as long as I can remember I have sought to help people. As a child I wanted to be a storm chaser, a spy, a doctor and for a time a priest.

After a car accident involving a family member. I vowed to find a way to learn to save lives. To happen apon those on the brink and have the skills and abilities needed to reach out and return them to this life.

This was a childs dream. However, those are the ones that motivate us the most.

I went through a program in my high school called OEC (Opportunities in Emergency Care), I was trained as an EMT in high school. I worked a few jobs as an EMT, even as a Medical Officer, but soon I started working at a Trauma Center.

I have been here for 9 years, I still volunteer my time on some services. However, I have found that the people in the field and in the ER have colored my experiences. Given me a vision of life that at times can bring an indescribable amount of joy, and equally indescribable pain and at times fear.

That is my light, courage in the face of fear. Brought forth by pure will, by conviction and by the knowledge that what I do may be thankless at times, but I watch the differences I make happen. That... That lets me sleep very well at night.