INPUT REQUESTED

I am new to the temple, but I have always been a Jedi. I did not find the order, I was lead to it threw the will of the living force of creation. In the short time I have been here, I have gained knowledge I would never have thought to look for. I think and feel in such a broader way that all things are new to me. To be a Jedi is to walk a never ending path of knowledge and wisdom. I am With my fellow Jedi at the temple, and now know I am with them away also. The force is with a Jedi always. My path has lead me here, and here is were my path continues to go on. My feelings, thoughts, and being are more then they ever were before. Here threw my training the three are one. The way of the Jedi is the way I am ment to be. May the force be with you.

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I had a look and I think it looks great!!

For the last week I've been proofreading for work, so I've taken the liberty of jotting down notes from that proof reading mindset - if that might be of any help to hear another persons perspective with a fresh set of eyes. Feel free to ignore it of course, its just a reflection;

On page 4, first paragraph I would offer the following potential edit for the sentences:

"Jediism is an inter-faith initiative and syncretistic
religion - meaning that it involves elements from more than one religious practice – that was
inspired by the ideals and tenets of the fictional Jedi as portrayed in the Star Wars films, including
concepts such as peace-keeping, humility, courage, wisdom and faith."

... and change it to something like:

"Jediism is an inter-faith initiative and syncretistic
religion - meaning that it involves elements from more than one religious practice. Jediism is a religion that was
inspired by the ideals and tenets of the fictional Jedi as portrayed in the Star Wars films, including
concepts such as peace-keeping, humility, courage, wisdom and faith - but only references them where they practically add value to the spiritual pursuit of this real world religion."

I'd definatly keep everything that is there, but perhaps add some more little bits.

After the third paragraph on page 4 I felt it needed to clarify or state how Jediism can relate and integrate with other existing beliefs. I think thats required so people do not get the wrong impression that we only use Star Wars because at that point in time even though it has been pointed out Jediism is inter-faith, it doesnt say in what way. I think we need to quickly settle people imaginations about potential fantasy/fiction influences.

The last change I'd make to Marks great work is to alter;

"and can be reconciled with the concepts of Qi, Prana or even
some interpretations of the Christian Holy Spirit. As such, Jedi are encouraged to develop their
connection to this energy through practices such as meditation, energy healing (Reiki, etc), astral
projection and journeying, and martial arts such as Aikido, Tai Chi or Ju-Jitsu."

... is to perhaps include 'prayer' where he lists meditation, energy healing etc. A lot of people can relate to prayer and prayer is actually a type of meditiation anyway IMO.

I would remove the sentence "Many Jedi follow a syncretistic religion -- a faith involving elements from two or more religions. Jediism itself is a syncretistic religion." where it occurs immediatly after the bolded dictionary definition of re-li-gion on page 7. That sentence has already been mentioned twice, once my Mark and again as the first line in the 'Jedi Doctrine as defined by the Temple of the Jedi Order' on page 6.

I would also reduce the font size of the footnote section to one size below the main text size, just for visual balance.

I feel that perhaps, inbetween the 'Ranks within the Temple of the Jedi Order' and the 'Clerical Structure of the Temple of Jedi Order', a small section outlining the purpose of the Church. It could say something like;

"As evidenced by the Temple ranks the purpose of this church and the Jedi belief is to foster deeper spiritual lives within its followers and thus enriching themselves and everyone around them. To enable this ministry the church has volunteer clergy who are trained and licensed appropriately to conduct real world church leadership and spiritual duties."

That's just an example, the purpose is to summate/define that the Temple is about education and spirituality, and then connect into the next section which goes into depth about the clergy structure. It might also be a good spot for one of those organizational bubble flowchart diagrams outlining the structure and titles and how they relate.

I would put the Liturgical Calendar at the end of the document, after the listed Ceremonies, and I think the document might benefit from some words about what the Force is and what the Force is not (Star Wars) probably placed immediatly then before the Personal Stories. It would probably have to mirror established knowledge from Qi Gong, Yoga etc but we could add some Star Wars things like the two categories of the Unifying and Living aspects which allow us to integrate but also seperate the metaphysical aspect of spiritualities with the physical aspect of spiritualities.