Jedi and conflict, I need help please

More
10 Dec 2019 05:41 #347055 by CaesarEJW
I am caught between sparring family members.
One side is pushing their beliefs, the other is pushing against this.
Both sides are angry and hurt.
And neither side is wrong, both are actually correct to certain extent.
But neither side is willing to listen to the other and understand their point of view.
Without getting into the details (unless the details make my issue more comprehensible, just ask and I shall provide), I am trying to remain neutral and walk the middle path, however, this conflict between people I love dearly is deeply unsettling.
How does a Jedi approach conflict?
How does a Jedi deal with conflict, and manage the resulting emotional disturbance?

“Muddy water is best cleared by leaving it alone.” - Alan Watts
The following user(s) said Thank You: Carlos.Martinez3

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

More
10 Dec 2019 06:02 #347057 by Malicious
Well more information would help on figuring out what to do but if it's personal and ya don't want to say it in public I would recommend getting ahold of a pastor , they might have better insight on this type of matter .

=_= Malicious (+_+)

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

More
10 Dec 2019 07:23 #347059 by Zero Storm
My advice is todo your best to remain out of it. Be there for both sides and hear them out and allow them to vent to you to the extent you can without becoming directly involved. Any responses you give will be wrong to one of the party’s involved no matter what. But be supportive and hear both sides out. If they ask you directly for an opinion then make your responses about you and your path, not about theirs. Thats the best you can do without offending someone.


Apprentice and Seminarian Zero Storm
Journals- IP / Apprentice / Seminary / Meditation / Personal
Teaching Master: Kit

” If you can’t explain it simply, you don't understand it well enough.” - Albert Einstein
The following user(s) said Thank You: Malicious, Jake Nislan

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

More
10 Dec 2019 07:56 #347061 by Adder
View each party as on a path to common ground, realize though that they each walk at different speeds and from different places, and focus on building that common ground through increasing shared understanding. Also focus on healing misunderstanding, but carefully... as it can open old wounds.

Knight ~ introverted extropian, mechatronic neurothealogizing, technogaian buddhist. Likes integration, visualization, elucidation and transformation.
Jou ~ Deg ~ Vlo ~ Sem ~ Mod ~ Med
TM: Grand Master Mark Anjuu
The following user(s) said Thank You: Alexandre Orion, Brick

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

More
10 Dec 2019 09:44 - 10 Dec 2019 09:46 #347064 by JamesSand
Just cut them away entirely.

Failing that, if for some reason you think the monkeys you are (closely?) related to are for some reason important - there's still no particular reason to get involved, in fact, not get involved often enough, and they may even stop involving you in their problems.

Rather than wondering how to "fix" a bunch of other people - why not ask yourself why you find it upsetting?

Thats the best you can do without offending someone.


You're always at risk of offending someone, but, as often as not, that's their problem, not yours.
Last edit: 10 Dec 2019 09:46 by JamesSand.

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

More
10 Dec 2019 12:46 - 10 Dec 2019 12:47 #347068 by Rosalyn J
As the mediator of my family (lol), I found it was best to remain out of conflicts with them. You are not responsible for doing their emotional labor...and the more often you do it, the less likely they are to either drop it or seek the help of professionals
Last edit: 10 Dec 2019 12:47 by Rosalyn J.
The following user(s) said Thank You: Jake Nislan

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

More
10 Dec 2019 14:04 #347069 by Jake Nislan
I've been in situations like these and I found the best you can do is to remain neutral, as giving your opinion will offend one side atleast. What you can do though is being supportive and giving them a ear to vent to if needed, in that case you stay neutral but give them a feeling of being understood without getting directly involved. As for solving this problem that's something that's not your responsibility. They can only find a common ground themselves or through professional help if needed.

Flowing through all, there is balance
There is no peace without a passion to create
There is no passion without peace to guide
Knowledge stagnates without the strength to act
Power blinds without the serenity to see
There is freedom in life
There is purpose in death
The force is in all things and I am the force

- Novice of Temple of The Jedi Order

IP Journal

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

More
10 Dec 2019 15:46 #347070 by ZealotX

CaesarEJW wrote: I am caught between sparring family members.
One side is pushing their beliefs, the other is pushing against this.
Both sides are angry and hurt.
And neither side is wrong, both are actually correct to certain extent.
But neither side is willing to listen to the other and understand their point of view.
Without getting into the details (unless the details make my issue more comprehensible, just ask and I shall provide), I am trying to remain neutral and walk the middle path, however, this conflict between people I love dearly is deeply unsettling.
How does a Jedi approach conflict?
How does a Jedi deal with conflict, and manage the resulting emotional disturbance?


I'm going to differ with my brothers and sisters on this one. Sometimes the effects (direct or indirect) of family squabbles cannot be avoided; especially if it involves your wife or children. It is natural to feel some kind of way when people you love are hurt and often this is due to misunderstanding or miscommunication. You said that one side is pushing their beliefs. I would focus on that side and ask them why they feel such need to get other people to change (insert whatever change requested) to suit their own personal belief and whether or not that person is likely to change or be convicted based on conflict and not whatever positive things that perhaps made that believer want to believe. Ask them questions, instead of telling them how you feel or what they're doing wrong. Use the Socratic method. Ask them if they really think they're having a positive effect? Or is it possible they are pushing that other person even further away from whatever they believe? And is that their intention?

If the believer is Christian then use biblical references in case their answers go against their own belief system. Christianity provides a model of how to spread Christianity and it wasn't supposed to be by force. It says that if your message isn't accepted, to shake the dust off your feet and move on. This shows that Jesus never wanted that conflict. If people don't accept it, Christians are not supposed to keep forcing the issue because at that point its more about them, than the other person. I would also tell them that if they believe in God then God knows that person's heart and that they need to trust in him to handle things according to his own plan, not theirs. There's another text in the NT about not putting a stumbling block in someone else's spiritual journey.

To the person pushing back, I would tell them they're right but that conflict isn't worth destroying a relationship over. The person pushing feels a strong need to push based on their own psychological issues that may even be bigger and deeper than what you can see on the surface. Belief can sometimes be as hard to handle as a mental illness. I don't say that to offend anyone, but especially older believers, because their beliefs become so deeply woven into their identity and take over their world view. Sometimes they just can't accept people they love not supporting their beliefs or not reinforcing them. How the non-believer should respond depends on what's being asked. I would advise them to try and be respectful of that person's beliefs and understand that they have most likely built up a psychological co-dependence on that belief... not necessarily so different from a drug addict. So while they think they're making perfect sense, that person they're trying to talk to just cannot hear them in that way. And its not necessarily because they don't love or respect them, but because the belief is so strong that it makes them intolerant to other views. It's like a virus and the older they get the more it invades every part of their brain.

My own experiences with my mother are like this. Occasionally, she tries to challenge me but mostly its trying to tell me that things on the news are signs of the end, and I that I should go to some church event, or religious program even though she knows full well that I don't believe in her religion at all. But this behavior, unfortunately, has a lot to do with her losing my dad. The idea that she will get to see him again in heaven is very comforting and she retreated even more into religious programming after his death.

This becomes, not just a belief, but a need that people have and become dependent upon. And the non-believers in their lives should try to understand this. Think about what compromises they can make to let them have their belief. What compromises can the other side make to not push their beliefs? There is a point of balance but the conflict itself, between the two sides, may require a mediator. It may require you. And that doesn't mean sitting them both down at once. Instead, you can talk to each side independently where you can show each side absolutely concern and respect for their side of the argument without any absolute judgments. And ultimately ask each side if they love the other person. And if they love that person, can they accept them for who they are... AND what they believe.

May the Force be with you.

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

More
10 Dec 2019 17:13 #347077 by Ganner Rhysode
I'd point your attention to the quote you have in your signature:

“Muddy water is best cleared by leaving it alone.” - Alan Watts

The dance is all there is: from the whirls of quarks to the wheel of galaxies, all is motion.
There are only the dancers, and the dance.
All is dance.
All is.

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

More
10 Dec 2019 23:07 #347095 by Alexandre Orion
First of all, examine your own beliefs. How did you "come to believe" ? Or, did you merely "decide to believe" ? It may at first sound like a stupid question, but I'm firmly convinced that we do not choose our beliefs ; our beliefs take hold of us, whether they be true or false, we have little choice in what we believe.

This then holds true for all who believe anything. And naturally, it is a source of conflict when those beliefs appear incompatible. Just as naturally, it is indeed painful to hold a posture of centrality/neutrality when those we care about come to conflict about differences of belief. Generally, those differences aren't quite as great as the conflicting/conflicted parties think they are. It's curious, but oftimes the source of the conflict is more a matter of vocabulary than it is one of actual beliefs.

Since we tend to hold very dearly and very strongly to our beliefs, the first, best course of action is to remain politely neutral : do not engage with it. One cannot - nor should one - stop people from defending that which they feel they believe. Even if it is evident that their belief is unfounded. The best approach is merely to show an alternative to the conflict, for belief is not 'reason', it is non-rational. Only mathematicians "prove" (theorems mainly) ; scientists conduct works to provide "evidence" for phenomena, but they do not "prove" anything. Beliefs are neither theorems nor phenomena -- they are merely ways of making meaning in the world. Granted, some are better than others, but they cannot be "proven" nor can there be much evidence provided that can sustain them. And for as much of that meaning-making is not very accurate, it is sometimes all people have to hold onto to cope... Thus, it would be rather cruel to deprive people of even bad beliefs.

One can only show behaviour guided by feelings founded on better beliefs. Then let go of any hope of a desired result. Beliefs do not change overnight (barring some life-shaking event). No amount of convincing - or appeal to the rational mind - will dispel a long-held belief. In truth, only the one who holds that belief can actually move into a posture of being able to "come to" another belief.

And lastly, be compassionate. When beliefs get dislodged by other beliefs, it is quite often painful. Be supportive.

Chaque homme a des devoirs envers l'homme en tant qu'homme.
~ Henri Bergson
The following user(s) said Thank You: Rosalyn J, OB1Shinobi

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

Moderators: KobosBrick