Another face

13 Jan 2019 10:50 - 13 Jan 2019 11:02 #332321 by Erinis
Another face was created by Erinis
Dark face of your life

I decided to make this place, like collection of your bad experiences,
which had got large influence on your life.

I know very well, that Jedi are focus on positive and also world shout to us "Be positive",
but also dark side of us has been participate on creation of our personality.

People are usually worry to show their other face. So, let´s be brave!
Please be open and reveal your dark story of your life.
Don´t worry about judge. Not here in Temple!

I also reveal my story.
This has happened, when I ended the primary school. In this time, I didn´t make myself (in sense of makeup, mascara...),
like many girls in my age does, but I didn´t need it yet, I looked quite good. And also, people accepted me as I am,
but I should admit that I had got little bit worse social skills and few friends. In this part of life I had got strong value (attachment),
that I didn´t want to use makeup - I wanted to by natural and pure, without chemical things on my skin.
The problem had start, when I change the school. (to secondary school). In at first I tried to develop my effort and make a relationship
with new people, in new environment at the school. It´s going well. But latter I saw that people are already made more close relationships
with each other., but I somehow haven´t enough power to strive at all. So, at the end I ´ve got 2 friends. And people didn´t sit to me in canteen.
Because of my face and I also didn´t talk so much, so I seems strange to others. Latter I began perceive, that the girls are more beautiful, than I.
And I began to think that - how much friends I have, is based on how beautiful I am. I hadn´t united skin, hadn´t wore makeup and few acnes.
Day by day I saw myself in the mirror and I had got strong disgust myself, I felt very ugly to comparison with others. Latter at one Spanish language class,
while the running Spanish class people started to laugh and slender me, because of my face. One boy said me - come with me outside sometime, I like you!
(in front of class), the class has been organized to - U- letter. So everyone saw and heard it. This sarcasm makes me feel terrible and I wanted to cry, but I
can´t. This has repeated approximately about one year, latter it going to be better. Because I broke my value (attachment), but involunarily and wore makeup
of course natural (100% Pure).
Latter I get to book - The Secret. So, I started to write gratitude every day. "I am grateful for connection and solidarity with people". And happened miracle!
It takes 1,2 months and people began sit to me in school canteen and more talk with me. I was very happy!
Nowadays I am not so much biased by my beauty, ( of course I take care about my face). But still persist worse ability with relationships, maybe caused by
fear, that people could connect against me, like in the class does.

Last edit: 13 Jan 2019 11:02 by Erinis.
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13 Jan 2019 17:48 #332329 by Rosalyn J
Replied by Rosalyn J on topic Another face
My consistant dark place has been in regards to my intellegence. Often I was called cruel names such as “retarded” , “‘'tardo”, “special ed”, etc. These names I was called by members of my own family. Its impossible to get away from these sort of put downs when you live with the people saying them. As a consequence of this, I often over achieve in studies and life, trying to prove to myself and others that I am smart enough not to be called those names, but they stick with me, you know?

Another thing which I have delt with is the idea of “not being good enough.” As some of you know, I have a physical disability that makes it difficult to balance or walk. But my foster parents, in a bid to get me to improve, created an invisible rival for me named Michelle. She could do much more than I could both physically and mentally. No matter what I did or how I progressed, she was one step ahead of me. I don't remember ever getting a “good job”. I'm sure I did, but its funny what comes forward from my memory banks.

This has reminded me how much what we are told and /or taught in childhood influences what we become as adults. I find it hard to take complements because I feel I can/should do better. By the same token, I find it hard to accept criticsm because I feel I must be smarter.

Its been six, nearly seven years since I joined the Temple. The “work” (by which I mean inner work) The Temple (by which I mean the people, the connections, the relationships) has helped me do in my own life cannot be over stated. When I tell you that six years ago I was a mess, please believe me. Or, if you are keen, Ill be moving my journals from behind the wall soon and you can look at them. I may never get rid of these engrained mechanisms, but I am actively working on it. The Temple has shown the good, helpful, kind, generous and gentle side to people more often than it has shown me the less desirable side. When I have needed challenging, it has provided that too, and that has helped me tremendously.

I hope I can learn and grow more here. I hope that all of you feel comfortable learning and growing here too. More importantly, I hope that we can all have a part in making this a place we can all grow.

Oh my Temple, I do love you dearly

Thank you Erimis for creating this thread.

Chaos is the stroke of the paintbrush. Harmony is to stand back and see the painting.-Skryym

Senior Knight, Senior Ordained Minister
Pastor, Temple of the Jedi Order
Teaching Maitre: Alexandre Orion
How Am I Doing , My Commitment
Kyber,Freja Saol-Wasser, Tobias Giesel,and Jhannuzs

Initiate Journal , Apprenticeship Journal , Clerical Journal , Continued Study
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13 Jan 2019 18:24 #332330 by TobiasGeisel
Replied by TobiasGeisel on topic Another face
When I was a young boy at school, I was bullied a lot because I was overweight and had red hair. Until today I have difficulties accepting that I belong to a certain group of people. I always feel like I don´t live up to their expectations and that I am not worthy of being a part of a certain group. Even here at the Temple I have the feeling that I am not really part of it. This feeling has been with me for ages and I can´t figure out a way to get rid of it. But it has decreased over the years...

You must unlearn what you have learned.

Apprentice, Teaching Master: Rosalyn J
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13 Jan 2019 18:50 #332335 by Carlos.Martinez3
Replied by Carlos.Martinez3 on topic Another face
I was raised on the street to be selfish cruel and a instrument of force by the ones in charge. I heard about peace and love and kindness in the messages at church my grams dragged me and my cousins to every week but growing up -yet - I fought swore drank and was the all out bad kid. Growing up ghetto ROYAL meant I had a reputation to uphold as far as a family name. I would be going and walking down the road of hard knocks to this day if I haven’t made some certain desisions in my life.

Blame played a huge free- ing focus for me as I began my own discovery of what who and why I was... me. The moment I began NOT to blame , just identifying things, I no longer had to blame my past or even people -
My hope is some how some way others like me who think they were once trapped or stuck can free them selfs. If not by word by experience or even just a note .We can change and break chains that once held us and others.

Thank you Erinis.
May the Force continue to find you as you seek it !

Contact The Clergy
Assoc. Pastor of Temple of the Jedi Order
The Block
Build, not tear down.
Nosce te ipsum / Cerca trova
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15 Jan 2019 06:10 #332429 by Omhu Cuspor
Replied by Omhu Cuspor on topic Another face
So much candor is on display here ... it is touching.

I wonder if any of us in this vast world is without an inner wound. It is easy to find smiling faces as we go about our day, but perhaps it serves us that behind the sincerest smile is a reservoir of tears that have not yet been fully released.

When I was very young, I was a perfect Urkel. Thick glasses, an overbite, skinny and unathletic, and brainy ... the sort that the jocks and ruffians liked to shove around. Contact lenses, braces, exercise, and maturity helped me move beyond what then seemed traumatic, but it's still at least mildly uncomfortable to think about.

A wound with more staying power was left by the impacts of alcoholism in the family. It's been decades since those years, but it's still very uncomfortable to think about the harshest periods within them.

A final wound has little to do with victimhood, and more to do with my own foolishness. I was slow to grow up, emotionally, and as a result caused a few other people deep disappointment and pain. I can't rectify that now, and carry a sense of remorse. It's my own responsibility, but also a part of my shadow.

I'm reminded by the comments left by others in this thread of a cliche I heard years ago - "Truth is love's doorway." It is next to impossible to witness the unveiling of a soul's inner chambers without discovering a high regard for that soul. I see beauty in each of you, and I love you all.
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