In need of some Advice/Counseling

Salutations,

I am in need of some advice/counseling in regards with a struggle of the heart as well overcoming some addictions. For those that do not know me I am the sole survivor of my unit that went to Afghanistan/Iraq and I struggle with survivor guilt as well as strong PTSD issues both from being a survivor and having been severely injured while in Afghanistan, the second combat zone/event I was injured in. Most of my unit actually survived Afghanistan only to later take their lives. I have seen the darkside of humanity, the absolute depths of depravity where we can go... and I have never been the same. I have been in and out of various counseling services provided by military associations and the Veteran Affairs here in the United States. Having lost my best friend in 9-11 in the Pentagon where the plane struck and immolated him, I struggle severely with depression and sadness when it comes to my lost brothers.... and finding solace usually comes at a great cost to my morale and/or I dive into binge eating which has over the years seen me explode into a rather massive weight category.

I have been out of the Service since October 2004 and despite reconstruction to my back, shoulders, chest, neck, and right leg... I am regaining physical capacity that I did not have over the last decade plus. It took some time and working out with a personal trainer since this last February who specializes in cases such as me but I have lost almost no weight despite the building of muscle. I am about 410-415lbs and while my ideal weight is around 200lbs because I am naturally large build, I am obviously morbidly obese. I've lost 50lbs and then rebounded and regained 20lbs after a terrible PTSD event on July 4th brought on by fireworks and a falling bookcase.

I do not know where to turn or how to handle these things and find that governmental assistance to be hollow of spirit or forced to conform to Christian faith 'healer' mentality through Christian based counselors. I am very sure they help with those who follow their beliefs but I was raised a Universal Unitarian with a broad faith bound by both Buddhist and Shamanistic traditions and have committed myself to the Jedi Path since 2000. Having spent most of my adult life in Japan and having family over in Japan ... that are Shinto sun worshipers, I find it very hard to throw myself at the Christian faith. I do not speak poorly against the Christian faith, I am surrounded by it here in Taylors, South Carolina.... and largely it produces quality people, but I do not believe as they do.

I find it hard to center myself with meditation, I can only sleep ~2 hours at a time, and struggle very hard with eating healthy during my weak moments.

So I am in need of advice or more likely counseling, and I am unsure of where to turn. I am by nature an extrovert however have become an introvert due to my issues. I used to dance, sing, play music and enjoy life despite having lived the hard life of a military man. A lot has been lost to me and I know I need guidance and thus here I am opening up myself in hopes of finding some.

With respect,
JRClemons aka Sulabri

There is a clergy contact form here: https://www.templeofthejediorder.org/contact-clergy

I also found these resources which may be useful

http://www.operationwearehere.com/PTSD.html

https://www.woundedwarriorproject.org/programs/combat-stress-recovery-program

https://www.thespruce.com/ptsd-resources-for-veterans-2357442

I am also reaching out to some veteran groups on facebook to see if they have other resources I might be able to send your way.

Edit ok here is a Facebook group that you might find useful as they specialize in connecting vets with the resources you seem to be looking for: https://www.facebook.com/SufferingWithinWAM/?fref=pb&hc_location=profile_browser

If you have civilian insurance it might be wise to ask your doctor for a referral to a therapist. If you feel you might be a risk to yourself or others, please call a crisis center.
I truly wish I could do or say more, but those are the only two things I can think of.

I have continued to do some research so these are the last set of links that seem useful to me so I hope that they help:

https://www.thesoldiersproject.org/resources-for-veterans-and-their-loved-ones/

http://www.ptsdanonymous.org/

https://adaa.org/finding-help/getting-support/support-groups/PTSD-Support-Group-for-Veterans

http://militarymedicine.amsus.org/doi/full/10.7205/MILMED-D-14-00536

I've read informally some good feedback with Equine Psychotherapy.


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Hiya Sulabri,

Thank you for reaching out here. I'm glad you found a space where you can be open. As you have already seen, the members of this Temple are happy to assist. We will lend you our ears and our hearts as you work through these trials. Though we have a clergy here, we are not trained professionals. So there is a limit to what we can provide here. But with your permission, we'd like to continue to research based on your post and post more links to services or resources you may like to try. Please let us know if that would be helpful. May the Force be with you

@MadHatter: Thank you for the links, I will research them and get back to you.

@AveryR1988: I once spent time in a Veteran Affairs hospital for becoming 'risk' but since then I have not had this issue since I divorced my Japanese wife who berated me for suffering over my fallen comrades and not working. I do not have civilian insurance, I cannot afford the $600+ per month cost.

@Adder: I have heard the same. My last therapist tried to do that with me but due to her location compared to mine and the amount of driving required I developed a fear of visiting her. I have worked with the Wounded Warrior Project on this and have decided to no longer utilize her services.

@Rosalyn J: I know there is a limit to what can be provided and I am seeking what can be provided through what is available here while I seek resources outside as well. This is a many sided issue and I welcome any research into resources that can help me through this.

I don't have much to add to the posts above besides echoing, we are here for you my friend, and I wish you peace and harmony in your life.

There are quite a few military and veterans here at the Temple that you can talk with. You can always pm me if you wish. Sometimes talking with brothers and sisters in arms helps. I find that I am much more of an introvert around civilians. It is very hard for civilians to understand what we who served in the military go/have gone through.

I am sorry to hear about your 4th of July situation. I avoid going outside and seclude myself on that day. Not my most enjoyable holiday. Large and repeated explosions all around me and drunks with explosives do not work well together. I served 30 years as Navy Explosive Ordnance Disposal (EOD) and just retired. Still adjusting to civilian life, which is interesting.

It is hard to find any "formal" counseling in an online environment, that human element seems to be missing most of the time, (though we might argue that is what is also missing at civilian run VA counseling as well) ; but I am here if you ever need to talk.

I'm not a professional, but I did work for the last 5 years as a disability case worker for vets with PTSD. Different methods/combination of methods work for different people, but these are the things that seemed to be the most effective (in no particular order):

1. Medication: most often, it was a combination of daily antidepressant/anti-anxiety (like an SSRI), a short-acting anti-anxiety (like a benzodiazepines) and/or a sleeping medication. Ideally, supervised by a psychiatrist.

2. Medical marijuana: mostly when medication didn't help, but some bring it up earlier with their family doctor or psychiatrist.

3. Therapy: with a psychologist and/or psychiatrist. In-patient and day programs should also be available to vets. The most effective for PTSD seems to be Dialectical Behavioral Therapy and exposure therapy. Ideally, any therapist would be in communication with either the psychiatrist or family doctor (whoever is supervising treatment). Is important to note that you can end up with a therapist that's wrong for you. It's ok to change therapists.

4. A social group: anywhere from a public group (like group therapy, a club, or sports team) to a small but regular gathering of friends (I had one client who would meet with 3-4 other vets for coffee once a month)

5. Companionship: the support of a spouse, best friend, or a pet, depending on circumstances. Someone for physical presense (important) and to talk to, if possible.

6. Treatment for comorbid conditions: often, PTSD exists in tandem with other conditions. From the physical (like sleep apnea, obesity, or chronic pain) to the psychological (like depression, addiction, or personality disorders).

Of course, you may already know all this...and I don't know what is available in your country as far as treatment goes (I'm really only familiar with what's in Canada), but this has been my experience with working with the treatment of vets with PTSD.

And please do message me if you want to discuss anything in more detail, or just need an ear. I've done this for 5 years and I do understand the struggle (as much as someone who hasn't lived it can understand, anyhow)