Stop searching for your passion

For those of you who, like me, are struggling to find what you want in life:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6MBaFL7sCb8

Find out what you like and do more of it (roughly summarizing Joseph Campbell‘s message). But desperately trying to find what exactly that may be can easily turn into obsession. I‘d like to think that usually, life will let you know what path to take - even if it has to hit you in the face with it for you to recognize it.

I think in principle we would all agree singlemindedly pursuing something rather than remaining open to its finding us is not always the best way to achieve our goal...

... but then, try telling a drowning man not to breathe. I know before I found my passions in life it was exceptionally hard not to be seeking them, with each new experience thinking "perhaps this is the one?"

Not unlike dating in that regard you don't tend to succeed there, or indeed anywhere, by piling on the weight of expectation from the start. That just embodies/becomes desperation.

It certainly rang true for me - I've gone from 'knowing' my whole life that I would never ever end up in finance (how boring and tedious would that be??), to discovering that I actually loved finance via a sales administration job I was forced into after an I-don't-know-what-I-want-to-do crisis, and now working in a dedicated finance job where I go to work every day excited to do some more stuff with numbers :laugh:

When she said that she loves not knowing what she'll be doing in five years time, and that the most fulfilling careers and relationships are those that still have the power to surprise, that really mirrored my feelings about my own approach to life. But I can understand how some people find that approach very destabilising and prefer to feel that they have some semblance of a plan mapped out, and though she paints it as a kind of 'this is how life should be lived' I'm not sure that one approach is inherently better than the other?

Having no partner or dependants, I currently don't feel any particular responsibility to achieve the sort of stability that a life-long career path can provide - as long as I can put a roof over my head, I'm more than happy to have no clue whatsoever what my life might look like in five years time. I'm curious as to whether those with partners and/or children (or other dependants) feel that some kind of a long-term plan is unavoidable/compulsory? Can you build a life in which others rely on your financial stability without some kind of long-term vision? Sometimes in that situation you have to take unwanted jobs just to put food on the table, but if you have a choice between focusing on one stable career path or darting around taking less stable, whimsical opportunities, do you have an obligation to do the former?

V-Tog wrote: But I can understand how some people find that approach very destabilising and prefer to feel that they have some semblance of a plan mapped out, and though she paints it as a kind of 'this is how life should be lived' I'm not sure that one approach is inherently better than the other?

I think the point she is trying to get at is that we freeze up because we get anxious about not finding our passion. When she compares it to dating, the analogy is drawn as not going out on dates and having fun in the exploring because she is too busy mulling over whether this is "the One".

I've certainly been frozen many times due to analysis paralysis (or would this qualify more like choice fatigue?), that's why I liked her approach.

Absolutely And then, once we've frozen up (or before we get to the point of actually freezing, if possible), we should just take whatever opportunity presents itself rather than do nothing at all waiting for that eureka moment.

It makes a lot of sense, especially if, like in some of her examples, we're in a situation where continued paralysis will make it difficult to pay the bills etc.

But if that opportunity that presents itself doesn't feel as though it will become a long-term thing (because you know you aren't passionate about it) - will that sense of instability be more of a bad thing than a good thing for some people?

She's kind of saying - if you're in that situation, embrace the instability, because you might discover new things about yourself - but is that always true? I'm just curious as to whether anyone has a contradictory experience, because it's true for me and I enjoy that process of discovery, but I hesitate to tar everyone with the same brush...

From Avatar the last Airbender, the serpents pass

Ying: Look at this writing. How awful.

Toph Beifong: What does it say?

Katara: It says 'Abandon Hope.'

Ying: How can we abandon hope? That's all we have.

Aang: I don't know. The monks used to say that hope is just a distraction. So maybe we do need to abandon it.

Katara: What are you talking about?

Aang: Hope isn't going to get us into Ba Sing Se, and it's not going to find Appa. We need to focus on what we're doing right now, and that's getting across this pass.

Passion and Fear are the two key elements she describes as originally holding her back. For me, this seems a little tricky to explain…

And I am not going to pretend that I have the answers. But I do have an understanding of the concept that has kept me pretty happy for years now.

First, there is the misunderstanding of passion and being happy. So ask yourself, what makes you happy? Really happy. Long term. Now, the phrase long term seems to scare people or intimidate them. But it is simpler and less dramatic then all that. It just means, what are your priorities that when met you are happy? Doing things with the ones I love; a sense of security that I will have food in my belly and a roof over my head and able to provide that in turn for those I love; and the ability to explore and discover without being overly hindered. I say overly hindered because I recognize that there are always challenges to overcome and that is part of the adventure. But what does that really mean? Well, I guess it means that to be happy I want to be able to live, without constantly being bogged down with fear, and spend time with my family and friends.

Fear is something that motivates us and usually not with good results. And the biggest fears tend to revolve around some form of not being happy. So to be happy, we have to not fear not being happy? Well that just sounds simple and almost stupid. And twenty years ago if someone would have told me that I would have said, “that’s stupid!” But for the most part, it’s true. We cause a lot of our own unhappiness because we refuse to let go of the fear of being unhappy.

Hoping things will get better is nice and all, but what are you doing to create that reality? Waiting for your passion to show up is basically hoping things will get better somehow with no action on your part. But you say that you’re going out and looking for things. You’re not just hoping. Then we get back to; what are you looking for? Or, what makes you happy?

Ones focus really does determine their reality. If you are looking for something in what you’re doing to cause passion for you or in you, you’re missing it all together. Things don’t cause passion, joy or happiness. How you choose to experience them does.

I am a CNC programmer and I love my job. Why? Because I am solving the puzzle and making stuff. The math, dealing with vendors, tooling, material handling, work orders, and on and on is not what I am passionate about. But it is all part of the process of creating. Making something of value from what most would consider dead weight, worthless. And it is something I can take pride in; a job well done. And it allows me to do the other things that make me happy. Spending time with my loved ones and being able to provide for them.

If I were assembling boxes (which I have done before) it would bring me the same happiness and I would be just as passionate. Because I love to create. I can do my best to make the best cardboard box there is. And I can take care of and be with the ones I love.

What is your focus? And is it making you happy?

Wescli Wardest wrote: So to be happy, we have to not fear not being happy? Well that just sounds simple and almost stupid. And twenty years ago if someone would have told me that I would have said, “that’s stupid!” But for the most part, it’s true. We cause a lot of our own unhappiness because we refuse to let go of the fear of being unhappy.

...Things don’t cause passion, joy or happiness. How you choose to experience them does.

Brilliant. It is attachment to the ideal of happiness that breeds suffering, while happiness is simply you just choose to be while doing.

V-Tog wrote: She's kind of saying - if you're in that situation, embrace the instability, because you might discover new things about yourself - but is that always true? I'm just curious as to whether anyone has a contradictory experience, because it's true for me and I enjoy that process of discovery, but I hesitate to tar everyone with the same brush...

Well, I'm guessing it is easier to embrace instability when you have no one who depends on you to provide stability. But there is also a fine line between meeting the needs in the Maslow Pyramid, and clinging to things out of fear.

I've come to realize that I don't have one or two or even a few passions; I have an absolute bajillion! They come and go, cyclically sometimes, for weeks or months, and i love spending time with all of them. And I'm ok with that. I'm happy to be a jack of many trades and king of none. When I try to hold on to just one passion, to have a characteristic passion (eg: look, it's the girl who loves sharks!) I become unhappy. Maybe my passion is passions, lol!

I think the issue here is the focus. If we focus on something that can change at anytime, then we won't have control of it. This includes our passion itself. We, ourselves, change as we grow, and this is why we have this trouble figuring out something that we expect not to change.

But imagine if we focused on something that was consistent enough that we could ride with it, not with simply focusing on if we're happy with doing the job but more with the objective reason to do it. When we say we are passionate about doing something, what does that really even mean? "I have a passion about feeling good about myself... because... its a cool job to have"?

How about "I have a passion for WHY this job needs to be done"? If you can care about something in this world more than yourself, that tends to naturally make your choice not matter so much anymore. Any way that you can find to satisfying the need a job exists for is all that would matter and that can include changing things up regularly or not, or just as needed.

I have a passion in teaching music not just because it's fun, but more because I genuinely care about providing people with a chance to not only learn an instrument, but more importantly, to feel good about themselves through that, which is a really big deal when it comes to people needing that.