AMA: Connor L. ~ I'm here to muse with ya

The Bear. Ahhh the glorious, glorious Bear.

For the longest while, I imagined my spirit animal to be the black panther. Inspired by Kipling's character, Bagheera, he would follow me around school. But, as in all things in my life did... change came about. As I became less inspired by psychic or even internal processes, Bagheera faded from my memory.

Recently, in a shamanic journey I took at the National Jedi Gathering in 2016, I encountered a Bear as part of the proceedings. The Bear, silent, never really intruded on my journey. So, I didn't pay him much mind. Fast forward to a few months ago. When I was beginning my training here again, I had to ask myself if Bagheera was still truly my spirit animal. But, I think in the midst of my severe changes, I became another person. Oftentimes (or not), this can produce a shift in spirit animal.

I began to listen more. I connect with the Force not so much on a visual level... but, more in a tactile and auditory level (when I figured this out a couple of years ago, this opened up so many doors for me and was a primary reason I hated visualizations). In my listening, I remembered the song "Bare Necessities" from the Jungle Book. Here is an example of this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MbUv_Tnnl2g (I quite like his recording of this, but the original AND Bill Murray's is also great)

It seemed to speak so much to where I am in this life... and, Baloo (or Bhalu, as I like to spell it) really entered my mind. He began to show up in my dreams, and I realized that he has been there for me, waiting on me. Now, we go on easy rides. He speaks to my philosophy, and we are quite good together.

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As for the pilgrimage! I would love to. But, this summer, I had to prepare for my job. I wish that I hadn't had to cut the trip off. It would have been fun to stay with everybody. When I was resigned and not being very Jedi-like, I made other plans in place. And, it was too late to take them back.

However, I imagine I'll have some time off next summer to try it again. And, of course, I'd welcome anybody else to make it work for them too!

I'm no longer training in the Dark Aspect either. While that was a fruitful endeavor, it isn't who I am.

How was it frutiful? And, in which ways do you think the Dark Aspect is incompatible with who you are?

What and/or where does your envisioned Jedi pilgrimage entail?

Manu wrote:

I'm no longer training in the Dark Aspect either. While that was a fruitful endeavor, it isn't who I am.

How was it frutiful? And, in which ways do you think the Dark Aspect is incompatible with who you are?

It was fruitful because they beat me up. haha. I was shown my vast levels of incompetence that were hiding behind my fragility. Like... I had joined the DA because I wanted to take my training to the next level of intensity. I had goals I wanted to accomplish.

I didn't end up accomplishing them.. and, I learned that the strength I thought I had didn't exist. I learned that I was entitled. I grew up in an all-white house (well, Jewish... but, eh); I was wealthy (and still am); I was brought up Christian; I was basically the epitome of this WASP/privilege concept. And, because I was naturally gifted as a kid, I never worked hard to achieve what I have now.

What I realized, in my time at the DA, was that I have no grit. I have no actual backbone to support me in the face of conflict. I learned that what I needed to develop were discipline and grit.

It took them throwing me out of the DA to realize that. When I showed no initiative at all (despite asking for discipline and accountability), that was when I realized the Force was guiding me to that realization. I was laid back because I could afford to be.. but, I really couldn't afford it as much as I thought I could. Because, now I'm dying (health, diabetes, slowly), and I can either choose to develop these fighting skills later in life... or, I can give up.

What I began to realize was that the DA taught me a lot about myself, but it isn't the direction I will end up going in my life. I'm not suited for their brand of discipline. They're pretty blunt, and they decry some of the practices I hold holy. I could, one day, end up back there training. But, it will only be once I sort out my own issues.

I hope that answered your question. Always happy to expand if you have more questions.

ReallyRiver wrote: What and/or where does your envisioned Jedi pilgrimage entail?

Aye! Check this out: https://www.facebook.com/groups/628690240630995/

A Jedi Pilgrimage is a very simple concept: Go and journey (in any manner) to a fellow Jedi's house/abode/town. Stay there and train for a time. Come home.

This can involve as much or as little as somebody wants. I did a pilgrimage to my friend Jackie's house a few years ago, stayed for tea, then had to hit the road again. Not anything to write home about... but, the concept was still the same.

I had planned to go across the country, stopping at friends' homes (I had 14 stops planned along the country from East to West). I would train for a week or so at each place, and then I would move on. I had planned on it being a Knighthood project I could write about. The timing didn't work out.

But, I am sure I will have the opportunity to do it later.

Pilgrimage sounds pretty groovy

I've another question (have I mentioned I'm a disturbingly curious person, about pretty much every thing ever?). How, in your experience and opinion, does one develop discipline?

We are discussing it over PM right now, actually!

It begins with starting small. A short 1-5 minute exercise each day that one will not miss. And, the only thing you have to do is show up.

My teacher once told me that it is good enough to simply come to the cushion. Even if you're having a terrible day and you don't want to meditate... just sit on the cushion and do nothing for a minute or two. Showing up consistently is far more important than actually doing anything.

Eventually, if you do this long enough, you will begin to enjoy the experience of mindfulness. And, with mindfulness comes control over the mind. You can begin to incorporate other things. Movement. Eating habits... these are all born from contemplative exercise.

All you have to do is begin.

Connor L. wrote: Because, now I'm dying (health, diabetes, slowly), and I can either choose to develop these fighting skills later in life... or, I can give up.

I sure do hope you've chosen the former, rather than the latter.

What are you doing to keep the diabetes under control?

Connor L. wrote: They're pretty blunt, and they decry some of the practices I hold holy.

What kind of practices do you hold holy that they decry?

I have chosen the former, of course.

To keep the diabetes from progressing, I am on a lower-carbohydrate diet. This, along with medication, keeps my glucose numbers in range. For now. Eventually, I may have to lower my carbohydrates to ketone-producing level.

As for the practices I hold holy: selfless actions for others' benefit. Rituals like meditation. Mystical practices like inner journeys and such. Psychic abilities.