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No one is unreasonable ~ Seth Godin
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06 Jul 2016 13:16 #247427
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Seth Godin's Blog
http://sethgodin.typepad.com/seths_blog/2016/07/no-one-is-unreasonable.html
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No one is unreasonable ~ Seth Godin was created by
Warning: Spoiler!
No one is unreasonable
No one says, "I'm going to be unfair to this person today, brutal in fact, even though they don't deserve it or it's not helpful."
Few people say, "I know that this person signed the contract and did what they promised, but I'm going to rip them off, just because I can."
And it's quite rare to have someone say, "I'm a selfish narcissist, and everyone should revolve around me merely because I said so."
In fact, all of us have a narrative. It's the story we tell ourselves about how we got here, what we're building, what our urgencies are.
And within that narrative, we act in a way that seems reasonable.
To be clear, the narrative isn't true. It's merely our version, our self-talk about what's going on. It's the excuses, perceptions and history we've woven together to get through the world. It's our grievances and our perception of privilege, our grudges and our loves.
No one is unreasonable. Or to be more accurate, no one thinks that they are being unreasonable.
That's why we almost never respond well when someone points out how unreasonable we're being. We don't see it, because our narrative of the world around us won't allow us to. Our worldview makes it really difficult to be empathetic, because seeing the world through the eyes of someone else takes so much effort.
It's certainly possible to change someone's narrative, but it takes time and patience and leverage. Teaching a new narrative is hard work, essential work, but something that is difficult to do at scale.
In the short run, our ability to treat different people differently means that we can seek out people who have a narrative that causes them to engage with us in reasonable ways. When we open the door for these folks, we're far more likely to create the impact that we seek. No one thinks they're unreasonable, but you certainly don't have to work with the people who are.
And, if you're someone who finds that your narrative isn't helping you make the impact you seek, best to look hard at your narrative, the way you justify your unreasonableness, not the world outside.
No one says, "I'm going to be unfair to this person today, brutal in fact, even though they don't deserve it or it's not helpful."
Few people say, "I know that this person signed the contract and did what they promised, but I'm going to rip them off, just because I can."
And it's quite rare to have someone say, "I'm a selfish narcissist, and everyone should revolve around me merely because I said so."
In fact, all of us have a narrative. It's the story we tell ourselves about how we got here, what we're building, what our urgencies are.
And within that narrative, we act in a way that seems reasonable.
To be clear, the narrative isn't true. It's merely our version, our self-talk about what's going on. It's the excuses, perceptions and history we've woven together to get through the world. It's our grievances and our perception of privilege, our grudges and our loves.
No one is unreasonable. Or to be more accurate, no one thinks that they are being unreasonable.
That's why we almost never respond well when someone points out how unreasonable we're being. We don't see it, because our narrative of the world around us won't allow us to. Our worldview makes it really difficult to be empathetic, because seeing the world through the eyes of someone else takes so much effort.
It's certainly possible to change someone's narrative, but it takes time and patience and leverage. Teaching a new narrative is hard work, essential work, but something that is difficult to do at scale.
In the short run, our ability to treat different people differently means that we can seek out people who have a narrative that causes them to engage with us in reasonable ways. When we open the door for these folks, we're far more likely to create the impact that we seek. No one thinks they're unreasonable, but you certainly don't have to work with the people who are.
And, if you're someone who finds that your narrative isn't helping you make the impact you seek, best to look hard at your narrative, the way you justify your unreasonableness, not the world outside.
Seth Godin's Blog
http://sethgodin.typepad.com/seths_blog/2016/07/no-one-is-unreasonable.html
Thoughts?
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06 Jul 2016 14:24 #247429
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Replied by on topic No one is unreasonable ~ Seth Godin
I especially see these narratives play out in politics. Effective (not necessarily good) politicians know how to weave a narrative that people can relate to. Candidates create a narrative for themselves that aligns with a common narrative among the people and then they encourage the people to adjust their own narratives to align even more closely with their own using rhetoric. People become convinced that this view of life is reasonable and true because others agree with them. Eventually, you end up with a large group of people sharing a similar narrative, regardless of how unreasonable that narrative may be. That's when it can become dangerous.
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06 Jul 2016 14:32 #247430
by Gisteron
Better to leave questions unanswered than answers unquestioned
Replied by Gisteron on topic No one is unreasonable ~ Seth Godin
Well, I think I'm glad to see that at least Mr. Godin here doesn't proclaim to be an expert on matters of psychology or indeed even practical rationality.
As someone who actually does acknowledge, sometimes even in advance, his own being unreasonable in specific circumstances or with some opinions or matters, in the sense that the positions reached or actions chosen are not an exclusive or conclusive result of a reasoning process, I object to the assertion that "no one thinks that they are being unreasonable". I don't find it necessarily morally questionable, or unfounded, but actually false, and I consider myself living, breathing proof of its falsehood. I am also living breathing proof that it is in fact not with all people the case that an I-can-really-see-your-side-of-things-too-approach is effective. Indeed, with me it is often quite the opposite. I respond with change far more readily and appreciatively when faced head on and I don't take kindly to being treated as though I couldn't see through someone sucking up to me only to sell me their narrative subliminally the way no honest person with a worthwhile product would ever need to.
As someone who actually does acknowledge, sometimes even in advance, his own being unreasonable in specific circumstances or with some opinions or matters, in the sense that the positions reached or actions chosen are not an exclusive or conclusive result of a reasoning process, I object to the assertion that "no one thinks that they are being unreasonable". I don't find it necessarily morally questionable, or unfounded, but actually false, and I consider myself living, breathing proof of its falsehood. I am also living breathing proof that it is in fact not with all people the case that an I-can-really-see-your-side-of-things-too-approach is effective. Indeed, with me it is often quite the opposite. I respond with change far more readily and appreciatively when faced head on and I don't take kindly to being treated as though I couldn't see through someone sucking up to me only to sell me their narrative subliminally the way no honest person with a worthwhile product would ever need to.
Better to leave questions unanswered than answers unquestioned
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06 Jul 2016 15:59 #247439
by rugadd
rugadd
Replied by rugadd on topic No one is unreasonable ~ Seth Godin
If not taken as an absolute truth, I think there is some useful advice in there for some.
rugadd
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07 Jul 2016 00:00 #247493
by Adder
Replied by Adder on topic No one is unreasonable ~ Seth Godin
I think it presumes a shared baseline of empathy, which in my experience does not exist, and therefore the whole premise falls over.
One of the good things organised religions did was expose people to a moral framework. Sure not everyone agreed with it, and plenty ignored it, most only used bits and pieces and some did the exact opposite, but at least they knew the concept existed. Since then, post-1980, I've seen a lot of people raised with absolutely no moral framework except for the odd platitude which is usually dismissed as another tool. I'm not saying religion is required to develop a moral framework, but in its absence I think there is a greater tendency for people to indeed be unreasonable.
Without the consideration of another individuals worth, people are more easily seen as resources - in terms of what usefulness does that person have for me. In my eyes that alone is unreasonable. So yea I completely disagree with how I intepret what he wrote, but I might have got it wrong, being a reasonable bloke and all
:silly:
One of the good things organised religions did was expose people to a moral framework. Sure not everyone agreed with it, and plenty ignored it, most only used bits and pieces and some did the exact opposite, but at least they knew the concept existed. Since then, post-1980, I've seen a lot of people raised with absolutely no moral framework except for the odd platitude which is usually dismissed as another tool. I'm not saying religion is required to develop a moral framework, but in its absence I think there is a greater tendency for people to indeed be unreasonable.
Without the consideration of another individuals worth, people are more easily seen as resources - in terms of what usefulness does that person have for me. In my eyes that alone is unreasonable. So yea I completely disagree with how I intepret what he wrote, but I might have got it wrong, being a reasonable bloke and all
:silly:
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07 Jul 2016 04:58 #247504
by Gisteron
Better to leave questions unanswered than answers unquestioned
Replied by Gisteron on topic No one is unreasonable ~ Seth Godin
Hmm, I beg to differ, Adder. Religions as we know them are for the most part not exactly framed around the idea of other people's worth. Often times they insist that we do ourselves have little to none, born of filth and soon to return to it with a slight hope not to if only we submit ourselves to them and bring many more to do likewise. But that's a whole other story.
Far more crucially, I find, is that providing a moral framework is, at lest in my view, a rather bad thing anyone can do. Morality is not simple, life is not simple, and in my humble opinion anything that alleges its simplistic answers, what ever they may be, as some sort of final solution to the [strike]Jew[/strike] moral problem, is doing an evil thing for that very reason.
I also strongly disagree that either organized religions made us more reasonable or that we are more unreasonable without them. I do not see how being given any part of the answers (for only the small price of one's life-long adherence) gets one to a more reasonable place than would actually having to go through life thinking and reasoning about everything, without any guide pretending to speak with authority no mortal could hope to achieve.
Far more crucially, I find, is that providing a moral framework is, at lest in my view, a rather bad thing anyone can do. Morality is not simple, life is not simple, and in my humble opinion anything that alleges its simplistic answers, what ever they may be, as some sort of final solution to the [strike]Jew[/strike] moral problem, is doing an evil thing for that very reason.
I also strongly disagree that either organized religions made us more reasonable or that we are more unreasonable without them. I do not see how being given any part of the answers (for only the small price of one's life-long adherence) gets one to a more reasonable place than would actually having to go through life thinking and reasoning about everything, without any guide pretending to speak with authority no mortal could hope to achieve.
Better to leave questions unanswered than answers unquestioned
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07 Jul 2016 06:57 - 07 Jul 2016 07:01 #247507
by Adder
Replied by Adder on topic No one is unreasonable ~ Seth Godin
Yea depends, and the detail is not so much what I meant but rather the appreciation of something 'more' then the material manifestation of each other's existence introducing the potential for a framework for others to be seen as something more, for which empathy could emerge more readily then without it. So its not about adherence to any particular set, just the exposure and awareness letting the capacity exist more readily.... in my experience, but I don't live in a particularly heavily religious area, so most everyone I know or run into has either zero religious exposure or minimal to moderate.
Last edit: 07 Jul 2016 07:01 by Adder.
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11 Jul 2016 10:30 #247803
by Ben
B.Div | OCP
Replied by Ben on topic Re:No one is unreasonable ~ Seth Godin
Whilst I agree that experiences determine our reactions and thus our free will to choose what we do and say is not quite as free as we like to think (i.e. I like to think that everyone is doing their best with the hands that life has dealt them, even if I don't like their Best very much), I'm not certain that I agree with the initial assertion that no-one is intentionally unreasonable. Again, that compulsion to cause others difficulty is not necessarily borne out of a place of pure free will - it is brought about by narrative, as Seth Godin calls it - but I don't think that that precludes the person from knowing full well that they are acting unreasonably.
That said, in the interests of avoiding escalation of conflict and hurt, it would probably be nevertheless helpful to adopt the assumption that any given person assumes that their behaviour is reasonable, even if it appears otherwise.
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That said, in the interests of avoiding escalation of conflict and hurt, it would probably be nevertheless helpful to adopt the assumption that any given person assumes that their behaviour is reasonable, even if it appears otherwise.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
B.Div | OCP
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