Curious Compassion

Taken from Sticks and Stones May Break my Bones.....

Adder wrote: Hmmm yes, now I'm going to be spending all day contemplating the relationship between curiosity and compassion. :pinch:

I never thought of it in that way. Anybody else use curiosity with compassion?

It made me remember when (not so long ago ) I was an extremely judgemental kind of person. When someone said they did something outside of my "this is normal" judgement I'd snidely ask "Why?!" as in 'why in the world would you do such a thing?'

Now I find myself asking "Why?" curiously. 'That's different than I'm use to, what's the reason? I'm interested!' and this brings more understanding of the other person and people in general for me. Which in turn I find it easier to hold compassion for them.

Anyone else?

The Dalai Lama talks about this. There is a brilliant lecture by Roman Krznaric here:

https://www.thersa.org/discover/videos/event-videos/2012/02/the-six-habits-of-highly-empathic-people-

which talks about curiosity being a major element of compassion. Cultivating curiosity about strangers, being genuinely interested in who they are, develops empathy and helps resolve conflict before it even starts. If someone does something that you think is odd, go ask them about their thought process instead of passing judgment. Almost everybody you meet has a motivation they believe is the "right" one. Understanding them, understanding that one common element among us, really helps us grow stronger as a global community.

What I've found, from my own experimenting with this, is that even if you don't agree with the person you talked to, you see them as a human being who is growing, changing, and struggling through life just as you are. It's a good thing

I guess I sorta see curiosity as a chance to include or see things with creativity, or perhaps at least as a means to enable better use of creativity. As Einstein is reported to have said "creativity is intelligence having fun", so perhaps the addition of compassion with that sorta 'share's the fun'.

Depending on the status of the external parties, 'fun' might be better seen as a direction rather then a state, as someone who is depressed cannot suddenly have fun, but the direction to fun might be 'less depressed' for example.

So if throwing them over to see how they fit into the Temple Tenets, something like 'Curiosity as focus, creativity as learning, compassion as wisdom'!!!

One of the most difficult things for humans to do as a species, it seems, is have compassion in regards to those outside of what we consider our "norms." Has that not been the case throughout history? You look different then me, go away! You don't believe the same religion as me, go away! (although "go away" has historically been replaced by meaner things I couldn't bring myself to type them out).

I also have to work at that. When I see someone who is acting in a way contrary to myself I used to be very judgmental of said person. Now I am working to view them instead with curiosity and wonder at the vast variances of the human experience. It's not easy but I believe that if more people did that the world would be a happier place.

In my experience, asking gentle questions of someone who is suffering (and I include destructive behaviours/emotions as byproducts of suffering) allows them to speak freely about their pain/frustration/other negative feelings. And that, in turn, helps to lessen the suffering.

Taken from "The Art of Happiness" by HH The Dalai Lama:

"In generating compassion, when you
are taking on another’s suffering, you may also
initially experience a certain degree of discomfort,
a sense of uncomfortableness or unbearableness.
But in the case of compassion, the feeling is much
different; underlying the uncomfortable feeling is a
very high level of alertness and determination
because you are voluntarily and deliberately
accepting another’s suffering for a higher
purpose. There is a feeling of connectedness and
commitment, a willingness to reach out to others,
a feeling of freshness rather than dullness."

By utilizing curiosity, we can encourage the sharing of the emotional burden that may have led to the negative behaviours. And the nice thing about sharing such a burden like that is it lightens the load of another without burdening ourselves.