How do You Stay Present?

A side-effect of daily mindfulness meditation is that your ability to focus will grow over time - this is a slow process but it'll eventually pay off. Most people will never reach perfection in this (I certainly haven't), but the process itself is its own reward.

Focus will keep the mind from creating unnecessesary thoughts (such as regretting the past or worrying about the future).

What also helps for the worrying part: concentrate all of your energy on the things in life you can change (and are worth changing). Those you don't have any control over you need to accept. Accepting doesn't mean "liking" - some situations are crappy and all the positive attitute won't change that - but keep it simple: if you can't change it, don't waste our energy trying.

The first thing we can choose to accept is that the future is unknown and no matter how elaborate our own projections of it may be, it'll rarely turn out the way we believe it will. Once a dreaded moment arrives, it usually is way less dreadful than we thought it'd be. People are often more forgiving than we think. So accepting that the future isn't reality helps a lot - this is also a good subject for regular contemplation.

The next thing we can accept, and that one is easier: the past is not reality, either. It's over. Mistakes we've made in previous moments are gone forewever. We can't change them, we don't have to regret them. If they have consequences into the present, deal with them in the present moment if they're worth dealing with, or, again: accept them and focus on the things you actually can change.

If you use the Insight Meditation Timer app, here are some guided meditations I personally use to practice what I've just said:

- Coming Home to Happiness (by Rick Hanson) (accepting the past and the future as what they are)
- Attention on the Now (5x5x5) by Kelly Werner (focus meditation)
- Choosing Living Presence by Tara Bach

I used to have the same problem. I guess for me it became less and less of a problem as I grew in my understanding of the Force, and the fact that... what will come is already laid out, causally. I'll still have to make my choices and suffer losses, defeats... but actually, no amount of worrying makes any amount of difference to how things will work out.

I guess I'd call it "learning to trust my path". It's a perspective thing. Whatever comes is what I need... to view it any other way makes zero difference in practical terms and just makes me feel like crap. If I trust that how things work out was how they would always turn out, and turn that resentment around into something positive, a quest for improvement, a series of lessons... then I learn to use even the bad things in my life for growth.

Practically meditation helps. I've also heard good things about Eckhart Tolle's The Power Of Now, although I haven't read it myself.

To follow-up on the things that tzb said (which I completely agree with) "The Power of Now" is great and you can download a copy from the library It deals quite extensively with fear and developing ongoing awareness of the present moment, it provides theory and practical ways of implementing the theory.

Tolle is not the world's most inspirational speaker but this little snippet links together faith, trust and fear. I'm not sure if it will make sense without the context of the book - but hopefully it does make some sense!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N1LxD2HEhhg

Breathe.

I remind myself "there are no ordinary moments".

Usually just in my head, but occasionally out-loud if I'm really struggling.

It helps me to bring my attention to and enjoy the current moment, remembering that the (un-ordinary) moment will only happen once.

It's an idea/quote from the (more or less fictional) book 'The Way of the Peaceful Warrior' by Dan Millman, which, if you're interested, can be found in the TOTJO Library and has a strong focus on staying in the here and now.

I do guided meditations , and even a live one today additionally , i like being with other people and meditate together , its hard not to get scared sometimes , but i feel it fading when i focus on the NOW

Kyrin Wyldstar wrote: Lots of Alcohol!

Seriously though I know exactly what you mean. I have been told by family and friends that I suffer from an anxiety disorder... I personally dont see it but.. *he said sarcastically*

For me there have been many times in my life where I have succumb to anxiety and that can manifest in a lot of ways. Anger and depression being some common ones I have experienced. It has been so bad at times that it will leave me virtually paralyzed to act.

The first step is to recognize it in yourself. Doing that is half the battle! After that its a constant vigil of yourself and much much practice! I keep a close watch on my state of mind and remind myself that much of what I feel is in my head. That the world is not going to end or my job is not going away or I'm not going to forget that payment next month. If those things have not happened there is no need to worry about them!

Take things one day at a time and be okay in the fact that you will fail in this from time to time. Let your friends and family know how you feel and have them encourage you when you feel yourself spiraling out of control or if they see it in you. I know thats a HARD thing to admit/discuss with others but if they are your true friend they will be understanding and encouraging.

When I find myself out of control I try to spend time meditating. I focus on calming myself and focus on the idea that my fears are not reality. I ask myself what is the worst thing that can happen? And then walk through that scenario. Many times I come to the conclusion that what I had spun up in my mind as a world ending event was really not that bad after all. This sort of thinking has allowed me to take more chances in life and let myself get out there, meet people and experience new things.

Anyway I don't know if I have been of any help but I hope at least one nugget of enlightenment has shown through the rambling! lol

Take care and just remember, things will be alright!

Thank you for the advice. I too feel the depression side of things, and it's something I have to keep in check every so often.

I like the idea of walking through the worst-case scenarios. Makes the issues seem approachable. And probably not all that bad if I really think about it.

Thank you again for your time!

Locksley wrote: Still working on this myself. It's a process. One thing I try to remember is Wil Wheaton's "Depression Lies". Well, the same thing is true for anxiety. Anxiety Lies.

Also talking to people helps, especially a professional. It can take months, years even, to learn to be comfortable with yourself and what arises in the mind, but being able to discuss and bounce all that's going on in the inner world off of someone else is one of the best things in the universe. It's what we humans were made to do. Being social animals doesn't just mean we form societies, it means we need other human beings in order to work through our own issues.

Thank you! I sometimes struggle with the communication of my feelings. Another thing to work on (but I'm getting there!) And it does feel wonderful once the talking actually does happen.

hiddeninthesnow wrote: I just learned about the idea of compartmentalization right before the holidays and it was a total epiphany for me. I've been dealing with depression for 17 years and I've been off of my medication since mid-December and doing very well, if I do say so myself, using this strategy.

I visualize every issue that I'm facing as a tiny box in a big toolchest full of little boxes. There are lots and lots of boxes. I have to pay bills with limited resources. I have to raise my teenage daughter. I have to face tons of issue as I work. And I have all of those things that don't really seem to find closure for someone like me... my ex-husband who has been passed away for 12 years but who I still have nightmares about sometimes. My mother who always opposes me, no matter what the issue is. My estranged father. You get the point. I would easily be consumed by all of it if I let it all out at the same time and I'd be depressed for another 17+ years.

So how I deal with it now, how I "stay in the now", is that I only allow one issue out of the box at a time. If something else tries to come out and get dealt with I say, "no, it isn't your time right now. go away, you'll get your turn later." and I shut that box again. I work to make progress on whatever the one issue is that is allowed out for the moment, then I put it away and move on to the next thing that must be dealt with. Tiny steps of tiny progress eventually lead up to bigger steps forward over time, and that is all you can ask of yourself. More than that is simply unfair. You are not a superhero. It also helps to keep some kind of record of the progress you've made so you can see the positive momentum over time.

As for how to handle worrying about the future beyond that... you have to let go of the need for control over everything. You can only prepare so much for so many things. Bad stuff is out there and it's going to happen whether you panic about it or not. Worrying about it isn't going to keep anything bad from happening, and you're also giving the "bad things" control over the rest of your life, too, by letting them play in your mind without your permission. Don't give bad times more than what they deserve. Let go and face it as best you can WHEN YOU GET THERE.

Hope this helps, even a little. I know even the most well-meaning advice comes to us all in different circumstances and what might be a life-saver to one is useless to another. I wish peace to you in the most sincerest way possible.

Thank you for sharing some of your story! I have never heard of this compartmentalization technique, but it is definitely something I want to try!

Very true about my need to control. Especially the future. I often feel that I have to be proactive to avoid getting hurt in some way. Trying to keep in mind that things generally work out positively.

Lightstrider wrote: Kyrin pretty much hit the nail on the head. Do you know the reasons you are anxious and worrying about the future? I lived out in the mountains for about 3-4 years only going to town for a few days at a time or maybe up to two weeks rarely. Was just working construction and logging for the most part. I really enjoy living out in the wild. But when I would go into town, and when I moved back to town, oh boy going to groceries stores and being in a houes full of people just made me panic inside.

I got used to having as much space as I could ever need to wander around, always having the freshest air to breathe, the natural smells, all the colors and wildlife around from the smallest little bugs to birds, deer, boar, bear, coyotes. Also just working almost all day everyday, it was nice. Dramatic change moving back, one time I went from the mountains directly to the Bay Area in CA and oh my god the smell of industry, like burning metal mixed with all the cars. Went into a mall to buy a Surface Pro 3 nearly had a heart attack cause it was packed for a holiday, all the lights, colors, sounds. I guess my anxiety was just overstimulation based. During these times I just try to focus on what I'm doing, it's like riding a tidal wave cause I know I could get really scared and overtly panic because I'm thinking about how intense the feeling is and all the what ifs.

A lot of anxiety I get now is about the future, mostly dealing with my financial situation but I know that I have friends and family who have and will help me if I am in dire need. Exercise helps because if you really go out and push yourself and use your energy you'll generally be more relaxed and it can prevent getting too anxious. Music for me is a great thing too, I listen to a lot of those natural sound mixes like of rain, rivers, wind and stuff, or calm atmospheric or house-like electronic music. Sometimes diet can play a role too. Now I tend to only get worked up if I know I have to do something and I'm limited by time or it's something really serious. In a non-sad sense I try not to expect anything so I'm not disappointed, I don't give in to people and their drama which can be a major factor for anyone's anxiety if you're being pushed around and having demands forced on you, or just being part of someone else's drama storm. In a not totally selfish way I've somewhat learned to not care so much and don't try to please and also don't try to get what I want as fast as I can or whatever.

In the end anxiety and the like are all part of life, you just have to identify what causes it for you and accept it so you can work with it to overcome it. The only thing that is happening is what is happening now, and you just have to deal with that. The future will always be uncertain. You should read The Power of Now if you haven't, great inspirational book that gives you a lot of ideas about now and inspiration to stay here.

Hi Lightstrider, thank you for your insight.

You asked why I feel anxious. I think the largest part of it at the moment is that I am in the process of applying for graduate school, which, if I am accepted, would most likely mean a move for me. I have never lived outside of my current state, so this really is a whole new adventure for me. I would likely be going alone (another aspect that brings up the anxiety) to a place that I know little about. I also worry quite a bit about what will happen with my significant other if this happens.

All in all, I know that I am making a positive choice for myself by working on my education. I'm trying to keep in mind that this is an adventure and as such there will definitely be fun times. I know that I can always come back if I want to after I'm done and (!) that all the people who matter will stay in touch with me.

It's the little things that I nitpick about. The little "what ifs" and "what abouts" that trickle into my mind.

I love the idea of listening to nature sounds. I love music and I love nature, so I imagine this would help calm me down quite a bit. I find that exercise helps as well! And diet! Definitely something I need to be conscious of...

Thank you so much again.