Something I read in another post got me to thinking about my hesitancy...

OK, so since I returned a few months ago--and then again a few weeks ago--I still haven't gotten any further in my spiritual journey here. I could continue with excuses such as being too busy or whatever, but what is the real reason? I think it's that I'm unsure of myself.

What do I mean? I am, to start, unsure of my level of commitment. Am I truly dedicated enough to the ideals of this order (wonderful as they are) to finish the somewhat long and difficult process to knighthood? Am I confident that I actually can make it through the process? These things, at least subconsciously, are holding me back I believe.

I know that the only way to proceed to know that I can begin. Only in focusing on the present moment can I ever be fully alive. But knowing the truth and living it are two different things.

Has anyone else here ever had such thoughts, and if so and overcame them...how?

I found the consistent lack of time limits really beneficial when I was doubtful of my commitment. When I get burnt out, or something becomes important, or I feel a bit nervous about my place here, I just back off and come back later. It's not ideal, but it's one way of managing things here.

We Jedi are in pursuit of something we know we'll never reach (perfection through enlightenment), so it doesn't matter so much when we get there.

I feel like that twice a day. It's a lot to take on, even just in terms of practical time considerations. And I you are asking yourself to grow or change or whathaveyou, then you are asking yourself to flex some stiffened emotional joints and muscles. And the Temple is not a perfect fit for everyone. Not a value judgement, just a fact.

But, whatever...

I ask myself, over and over again, to focus on process rather than product. One could churn out papers if one so chose. But I know when I have allowed myself to be moved by the material and when I have not. Don't worry about pace.

Also, one's spiritual growth can occur in any arena of life, I think. Be sincere in your exploration of yourself and all things. If it doesn't happen here, be sure it happens somewhere. Above all, try to let it be interesting and fun. Even when it's uncomfortable, be open enough to be fascinated.

And if you come up with your own answer, let me know.

I understand your concerns, I really do.

Just bear in mind that there is a reason we have two Oaths, the more 'binding' of which comes at the Knighthood phase...

As others have mentioned, there is no time limit on anything here...some people take their studies sufficiently slowly that it takes them many years to reach Knighthood, and that is perfectly fine...

When you go through an Apprenticeship, your Teaching Master may deem you 'ready' for Knighthood at a certain point but you don't have to agree to take on the mantle if you don't yet feel that you can offer the level of commitment that you would expect of yourself. It is up to the individual to decide whether they are ready to take the Solemn Oath.

My advice would be...go ahead with your studies as slowly as you like, without worrying about the path ahead...see where they take you...you may find that your feeling of commitment and readiness grows as your studies progress. Or, you may not, and that is perfectly fine too.

When I first went to uni, I hated it. But then I not studying what I enjoy ; I was studying what some well-intentioned - or maybe "hell"-intentioned - guidance counsellor told me that I would be good at in the job market of the socio-economic climate of the mid-1980's. I struggled through a year or so and saw that stupid nightmare 'career' stretching out in front of me ... the promise of a well-paid (maybe) and prolonged suicide. So, I took a semester off to think about it ... for seven or eight years. :S

Over the years, I've noticed this pattern. If I really enjoy something, it doesn't matter to me how long it takes - every step is the "there". On the other hand, when I'm doing something simply because someone else feels that I should appreciate it, that may make me want to "arrive at the goal" or "get there". Then, in those cases, it seems quite distant and arduous ...

I don't want to get over that. It is a useful intuitive feeling that keeps me from pursuing a lot of well-intentioned (hell-intentioned) circuses just to please people. I would suggest you don't worry about the time it takes to get to Knighthood, but bring attention to every step of the way ...

Hell! I got a four year degree in something I THOUGHT I wanted to make my life doing, but really I just enjoy it as a hobby. :side:

But, I do what I love to do every day. Here at TOTJO. Working with people. And, I never realized how much I loved working with people dedicated to living life to the fullest because it was just something I always did.

Sometimes, what you love is right under your nose and you don't even notice it. I suggest meditation. Think about what you really enjoy doing each day. Maybe it's not even something you're doing right now. Once you know that focus, you can gain some knowledge about it... then, see where it takes you. If it's here, it's here! Take the oath. If it's not, it's not. No need for a Knighthood oath.

Hi Sirius,

I know exactly how you feel. I joined a couple of years ago, left shortly after joining because 'life got in the way' and returned in January this year. I have only done parts 1 and 2 of the first lesson of the initiates programme (so taken me 2 years and a bit to do that!!)

I also have a million excuses, all perfectly viable really, but yet I still found time to read and write and draw etc, so technically I had time to pursue my studies on here.

I found myself, really, during my time away. I accepted what I believed and the person I was going to be and then I wanted to speak to like minded people. My aim now is to become a knight and teach apprentices, as I feel that's where my strength lies. But as usual 'life' will no doubt get in the way.

The key thing is finding what you believe in, whether you are active here or not does not affect your status as a Jedi. A Jedi believes in the Force and essentially lives life by the creed stated here at TOTJO. You do that you will be a Jedi regardless.

Also, life is a journey, and we all make a different one, no one will judge you for having to be absent for a while or for not progressing as fast as others.

I agree with previous posts, start working through the initiates programme and become more active on the site and see where it takes you. Don't forget that the initiates programme is, really, formal learning for rank advancement, though it does contain a lot of information and knowledge, you can progress and develop your thoughts and feelings just by interacting with other members.

Growth is multifaceted

I somehow just knew I could count on you guys for encouragement. Thanks, as always, for putting things into perspective for me.

spiritual journeys are funny
you only get one chance to choose whether youre on one or not
if you ever made the decision to have one theres not really any way to stop it

so dont worry too much
heres something i wish someone had told me a long time ago
do what you really want
do whatever looks really fun
i mean REALLY fun
REALLY COOL
the only "wrong" is to be worried about answers being right or wrong or that anyone else has any say in your answer
even if you have to settle for PRETTY COOL thats ok

just dont get caught up in anything less than PRETTY COOL or else its not worth your time