Too Much Forgiveness: Is there such a thing?

Is there a line to be drawn? My tradition says one should forgive "seventy times seventy", as a show that forgiveness should be endless. Then again, I question my sensibility if I'm in a situation that requires 4900 "don't worry about it"s.

So, is there a limit to forgiveness? Or, should we separate forgiveness from tolerance of misdeed, and forgive those who harm us, but learn from our mistakes in trusting them, as well?

Forgiving someone does not mean you have to stick around and wait for an opportunity to forgive them again. There is no sense in keeping yourself in a bad circumstance. Forgive them and "move on" in every sense of the words if staying is detrimental to your physical or mental well being.

No, I don't think there is ever "too much forgiveness". But there can be to much tolerance.

I'm a firm believer in "fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me", which doesn't prevent second chances. As such I'm tolerant but wary of anyone who has betrayed my trust, hurt someone close to me or otherwise acted badly.

The further along my path I get, the better I am at forgiving or excusing others. I used to hold pretty epic grudges.

At the same time there are those I respect and love unconditionally, who have simply done or shown me too much for a simple transgression to mean more than our continued relationship, and for them there is no clear limit to my forgiveness.

Forgiveness, like the numerous other virtues, does not exist in isolation. The practical wisdom of virtue ethics requires that the virtues be applied as an inter-related constellation of possible actions in any particular situation. Each virtue exists on a continuum of too much and too little. There can be too much patience and forgiveness, and so also, too little. Each virtue is applied in varying degrees as called for in the situation. The list of virtues is long but not endless. Not every action can be included in the list virtues. For example, greed is not a virtue of which one could have too much or too little. Forgiveness is more understandable as an action that is the result of another virtue, such as, compassion.

Aristotle advises that the wisdom of experience will provide some degree of insight as to what virtue is applied in any given situation: right virtue in the right way at the right time, to the right person to the right degree. There is no formula for consistent application. Which virtue is applied in one situation may not be the best practice in another setting. Experience is a most excellent teacher.

What if to move on doesn't mean to forgive? I don't hold grudges but there are bonds I have broken as a consequence of being wronged. I moved on since then, I don't waste any time being miserable about it, but I have not forgiven everything I have left behind. Likewise, there are things I might do or have done already over which I wouldn't ask any forgiveness. There are wrongs I might not want to become right again but rather move on and live with them firmly in my past, unresolved.

When there sun shines into a person's face but she doesn't cast a thick black shadow behind herself, one might just say she has no substance. There is a case to be made for leaving just enough darkness to remain in oneself, as to render one a nuanced, detailed human being.

I think it is important to realize the nature of forgiveness. Wikipedia defines forgiveness as "the intentional and voluntary process by which a victim undergoes a change in feelings and attitude regarding an offense, lets go of negative emotions such as vengefulness, with an increased ability to wish the offender well". Therefore, this act is all about the self (the victim). Forgiveness should not be confused with condoning, excusing , pardoning, forgetting, and reconciliation. (again from Wikipedia)

With all that in mind, we are not to hold grudges or any negative feelings as that can be a drain to our psychological, emotional, and spiritual wellbeing. By continually dwelling on an action or behavior or how someone has wronged you still gives that person power over you. That doesn't mean we don't still hold the other person accountable for what s/he has done. Sometimes, that will even aid in the forgivess. Nevertheless, forgiveness is beneficial and ought to be done continually.

To personalize it, I hope there never comes a time when I require the forgiveness of this community. (the documentary is coming soon, though, so who knows? )

Seriously though, if i do require people to give me another chance to do right, I hope at least a few people will go to bat for me and accept my failings in support of my growth.

Part of getting that support in some future I hope I never see is giving that support now.

And like anything else, if l I nes need to be drawn in the future, we'll draw them then. The rest is fretting, brooding, and stewing in your own negativity. What's the use of that? Accepting others is as much for your benefit as theirs.

Angelus Kalen wrote: With all that in mind, we are not to hold grudges or any negative feelings as that can be a drain to our psychological, emotional, and spiritual wellbeing. By continually dwelling on an action or behavior or how someone has wronged you still gives that person power over you. That doesn't mean we don't still hold the other person accountable for what s/he has done. Sometimes, that will even aid in the forgivess. Nevertheless, forgiveness is beneficial and ought to be done continually.

Agreed.

Most people that know me will tell you that I don’t spend a lot of time being emotional about anything. I tend to be calculating and emotionless to the point where I have 'felt' the need to start working on exploring my emotions and their content.

That said, I also do not discipline, seek retribution or atonement. If I have decided a course of action it is because I believe it is the course that weighs the most benefit or reduces the most waste.

Granted, there are times when people may get on my nerves, but it is rarely due to their actions towards me. It is usually because of a disruption or harm they are causing others. So I have to set back, clear the mechanism, meditate on the situation and decide the best course of action.

I very rarely have to forgive anyone because I am rarely hurt or upset by them. Perhaps it would be better if we spent less time dwelling in the emotional whirlpool that is expectation, regret, desire and disdain; and worked to ascend beyond the core feelings of the moment and understand what causes them and why.

I tend not to think of forgiveness as something you do for someone else, but something you do for your own wellbeing.

I forgive someone who wrongs me so that I'm not carrying around anger, bitterness, grief, etc. Forgiving them does not obligate me to allow them into my life again. If they are manipulative or otherwise abusive, I might forgive them but that doesn't mean I'm going to welcome them back with open arms and let them hurt me again.