Just got engaged...Advice?

I just got engaged recently and I was hoping I could get some advice. I know there are quite a few Jedi here who are married and I was just hoping for some tips going forward. This is a new realm of experience for me as I have never been engaged or married before and I'm not entirely sure what to expect.

Overall,l I'm pretty excited about spending my life with this person but at the same time I'm kind of nervous since it is a pretty big decision and I'm fairly young (19 years old).

If anyone wants to chime in and share their experiences or just their thoughts on the matter of engagement or marriage and what kinds of difficulties I might be able to expect and how I might be able to approach them I would love to hear it! :laugh:

-Talk to each other, and make sure both of you do... One clamming up creates much tension...

-remember when you ARE mad, that you love this person tons when you are not mad, and that the 'mad' emotion is fleeting...

-Always kiss goodbye, could be the last time you see each other

-remember patience, she has folded towels one way her whole life, and so have you, you do it wrong, lol...

-dont expect change but be ready if it happens, you now how hard it is to get ourselves to change a habit? It is more difficult to try to change anothers...

i dont wnat to give them all away... There has to be some mystery...

Be completely and utterly honest with each other because anything you withhold will come out later.

perfect your communication.

have firm agreements and talk about them before a person "changes" them.

Haha, thanks Jester!

We haven't really gotten mad at each other yet, but I'm sure that'll change eventually

I think you're probably right about the habits. We need to be patient with each other as we become exposed to doing things a new way after doing them one way for our entire lives...

It'll take time to get used to each others little quirks and what not

Patience, patience, patience... and communication.

You both are unique individuals with your own tastes, habits, needs, quirks, etc. Putting two lives together in close proximity for the first time can be difficult and frustrating in the beginning, and you'll need to be willing to adapt. It is okay to admit that something is bothering you as long as you both are able to communicate openly, honestly, and often. Something as simple as how you clip your toenails might drive your partner crazy. You'll never know unless you can talk about it.

Always remember why you got engaged in the first place. When you truly love somebody, it is much easier to be selfless and put their needs before your own from time to time, but don't forget about your own needs as well. You've just agreed to join a team. For LIFE. Work together and you will both be stronger for it.

And now the Jedi perspective. Be wary of attachments. Your partner should be just that, your partner. You are still YOU and you should never let your fear of losing your partner influence you to behave in a way that doesn't fit with who you are. You are a Jedi. Always remember that. If you are genuine and honest from the beginning and love each other for the people you are , flaws and all, then you should both understand that there will be certain core principles that will never change. These are your anchors, and you cannot let fear or emotion cause you to drift from these.

Same goes for material possessions. You will collect 'things' together and likely share a home, but those are just 'things'. Don't be afraid to give up any or all of these possessions if it is what the situation requires.

My two cents... Best wishes for a long and happy partnership, and may the Force guide and protect you both

Jestor wrote: -remember patience, she has folded towels one way her whole life, and so have you, you do it wrong, lol...

More honest words have never been spoken :lol:

Something I've struggled with for years, until I realized it, was that no situation is impossible to overcome. I see a lot of young couples go through little times of heated discussions (sc. arguments) and split off for a couple of hours, glaring as they pass each other because they're still mad, and so on. I had to realize that the situation and my immediate feelings aren't how I feel about her at all times, but that we just need to clear our heads and come back to the discussion when our emotions aren't welling up so much. It's a temporary issue that doesn't outweigh all the good in our lives.

My wife and I married shortly after high school before I went to Air Force basic training (or what the rest of the military likes to call "Candy Land", lol). We've had our good times and bad, but one thing that remains true to this day, after 11 years of marriage, is that we love each other very much and we're not going to let a little disagreement come between us. One learns what is most important in life, not by the things that we hold onto, but the things that we're willing to let go of. And, guess what? We never stop learning about each other. Once you become comfortable with how things are and think that you know absolutely everything about another person, that's when things are about to get a little rocky. Now, when I feel the shakiness of another disagreement coming, I look forward to it as a learning opportunity because I just know I'm about to learn something new, or that I'm about to teach her something more about myself, whether I like it or not.

TL;DR: Don't get so caught up in the moment that you forget why you got married in the first place.

I don't really think I can add much to the above.

From my experience the most important thing is talking. Never forget to communicate because neither of you are mind readers.

Enjoy every moment of your love, and each other's company.

Remind yourself how lucky you are to have found someone you love and want to spend the rest of your life with when you still have so much life left! Most people have to wait longer to find that special person.

Know that these early memories will be something you look back on for the rest of your life. Don't rush anything but don't waste your days either. One of my favourite memories of the early days with my wife was of a simple picnic on some hills near our house... when I think of all the time we spent on the couch watching TV even then I wonder how many more memories I could have been creating.

Accept that despite not having argued yet, you will. Be ready for it, by which I mean be ready to calm down, to listen, to communicate fairly and crucially, to forgive. Every couple argues but the first few times can seem like the end, and will be if you let them.

I wish you and your fiancée the very best. What an exciting time for you guys