Why do we speak?

(hey, a primary note young ones... there is some heavy language in this post. I've edited it out with censors, but be aware that I've been watching a lot of British television and it's been seeping into my vocabulary. hee hee)

Alan, under the direction of Brother John, gave me an assignment. I was to refrain from acting in situations, to contemplate my motivations and analyze how I feel when I do not pressure myself to become involved in every affair that comes by me.

It led me to think about online forums such as this one. In non-cyber life (I hate saying "real life", because this is just as real to me), I don't speak as much as I type here. I'm not a loner, perse, and I'm certainly not quiet. But, I generally don't have much to say to the people around me (except close friends). But, ever since I was a child, I came to these boards. I've been here longer than some of you have been alive... I have had a chance to think about "the point" of these forums... what is it I'm trying to do here?

For many years, I believe these forums were my escape. They were a place I could unload my problems and work through them. I have pages upon pages of subliminal whining in blog form. And, I have the caring eyes of my teachers who watched and guided me through life.

The forums, when I turned 21 this past year, have shifted away from this. I no longer need somebody to hold my hand and guide me through the murky waters. I have learned to help myself, even when it hurts to do so.

I now realize my purpose. Why do I speak? I speak to lead others through their waters. I don't want to d*** around with you by saying unnecessary platitudes and annoying turns of phrase (I hurl when I read those on sites like this one and others). But, I do want to say that I am here for anybody who wants to speak with me.

I'm done speaking "at" people.

Think about this for a second. Have you ever found yourself just blabbing on about facts and figures on subjects you know well? I do. I find myself giving others' needs little to no thought... When I helped people, it was because I wanted to show off.

There's not anything wrong with it; I was still helping people. But, I was doing it for a sh**** reason, yeah?

I realized that I could actually do the opposite. I could help people by listening, and only filling in the gaps for them. I could refrain from crafting a whole new idea, and actually go along with theirs.

If you want, I would not respond to this post. See what happens when YOU refrain. How does it make you feel? Weird? Awkward?

The first time I did it? I started SWEATING.

If that doesn't tell you that I had a problem, I don't know what will.

That being said, if you were impacted by this post in some way, feel free to PM me about it. There are some nasty triggers in this post that I'm deeply proud of. hahaha.

See y'all round the boards.

Well this is ironic... being that I've always been the quiet one, and here I am replying first.

Connor, I wish more people thought like you. There are a few out there that could do with some listening rather than talking "at" people.

On the other hand there's nothing wrong with clever turns of phrase or showing off. I rather enjoy doing both when I can It's playacting. We all just play parts in life. Nothing else to do but play along ;P

There's nothing wrong with replying. For you, who know refraining, the proper time to actually respond becomes more meaningful.

I am not saying, of course you know this, that it is "wrong" not to refrain. But, that it is a tool we can use to make speaking more meaningful.

good post.

I once did a 48-hour vow of silence. Doesn't sound like much, but for me (the guy with a caffeine molecule tattooed on his leg and the never-ceasing chatter) it was profound. Think I may need to do something like that again, only not a vow of silence, but a vow of restraint as you propose.

Lykeios and I were having a similar conversation this morning. I was reminded by a line that stuck with me throughout my life.

"What you are about to say you already know, so shut up and listen, you might learn something"

Sorry Connor had to do it.

Jayden

Hahahah. What is that from?

Excellent... Thank you Connie...

This is rather long, but I ask you to stay to the end...

I believe in the recently added Maxims, it basically says "to know when to act, and when not to"

This can apply to posting/speaking as well...

I remember this as well, this first time I choose to not respond, I got REAL antsy, lol...

And, in some situations, I still do...

[Jestor story]My martial arts GrandMaster calls me the "dad" or "father" of my tkd school..

I am the leader, more vocal than he, or "the grandpa"...

My job is to teach the intelligence; to do the mundane, day to day stuff, the warm ups, etiquette, manners... And his job is to provide the wisdom... The reasons and methodology of why we do what we do...

I didn't realize this at first, lol, being a new teacher is like being a new parent...

[/Jestor's story]

The same applies here...

As a new parent, we fuss and worry over our children, babying them too much...

By our third child, we generally are aware the "dirt don't hurt", and falling down is a part of learning; of life...

Its a fine line between the two sides of "caring too much" and "not caring enough"...

When we are learning, we are still expressing our ideas left and right...

Wait, wut?

Lol...

Contrary to popular belief, this is some of the last lessons.... not the very last, for they really never stop, but last of the more common lessons....

Have you seen this on facebook?





As children, we ask our parents a lot of "whys"...

As teens, we think we much more than our parents...

As adults, we find out how much we don't know...

While this seems common sense, these years vary, and ages at which this applies also varies...

I know 40, 50 year old children...

Who keep asking "why" (did this happen to ME?)...

Lolol....

Anyway, at the adult stage, we go simply into observation mode, so that when the "children ask their "whys" we have some answers...:lol:

And, we only offer unsolicited advice when we see the need... Most often, for those we see who might actually listen... (Guess who im looking at, young man, lol) As the young man who also received unsolicited advice, and felt picked on, I understand how you feel...

This is the internet, so, if we all sat around, not discussing, it wouldn't be very much fun, or intractive, lol, and that would suck....

Actually, we senior members do do that, if anyone notices, lol...

Depending on the topic...

Most of us read everything, we just respond, seldom...

Knowing when to act, is as important as knowing when not to...



Same goes for speaking....

Right action, right time, right intent.

Connor Lidell wrote: Hahahah. What is that from?

Someone had told me that once and it just stayed with me.

I have no idea where the line is from or who said it?

Jayden